A female can impregnate herself with sperm as follows. Collect the man's ejaculate (semen) in a clean (clean even traces of soap) container like a small bowl. Get a 5 ml sterile disposable syringe. When the semen is freshly collected aspirate as much as you can in the syringe. With the syringe push the semen in the vagina. If you are not this elaborate just smear semen on your fore finger and stick it in the vagina. [impregnating yourself with semen is useful specially due to any reason when the partner is not able to insert penis and yet you are desirous of conception.]
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No, you cannot. Their bodies don't allow it to happen.
sperm, lots and lots of sperm
No
The capacity of sperm to impregnate depends on the sperm's health and motility. Faster ones get to the egg first. Slow pokes may never get there at all.
There's no way of knowing. Each sperm has the chance to impregnate.
A dildo cannot impregnate you. It does not create or carry sperm on its own.
He may be allowed to donate the sperm and you can participate in artificial insemination.
Yes!
No - a gelded stallion is a stallion who has had his testicles removed surgically. Because the testicles are required to produce sperm, a gelded horse (usually referred to as a gelding) does not produce sperm and therefore cannot impregnate a mare.
If you have reached puberty the sperm is mature. Before puberty you have semen but no sperm. To see if the sperm is no good when it comes to impregnate someone that can only be seen in a microscope.
the sperm inside the condom cannot impregnate you. However if there is a hole or split in the condom the sperm that escapes can. Although condoms are coated in spermicide it will not kill all of the sperm.
To impregnate anyone without their informed consent is rape. You would be out of your mind to do such a thing. First: You need Sperm, so you will need to find a donor. Second: You need to keep ithe sperm alive until it is ready to be placed into your girlfriend's vagina; no easy task. Third: You need a way to deliver it into her vagina. But why go through all the deception? You only risk ruining your relationship and possibly getting yourself arrested. If you want a kid, then just get yourself knocked up.
No, a woman cannot self-impregnate. Pregnancy requires fertilization of an egg by sperm, which cannot occur without external assistance.