How can you make someone understand that letting an abuser's mistreatment of you roll off your back is essentially the same as giving him permission to abuse you?

Answer 1

You are completely correct in what you say, but, it has to come from the person and you can't make them change, they have to want to change. Some people are just laid-back and perhaps it's not as bad as you may think it is, or this person has had a lifetime of having someone control their lives and they don't want to have to take any responsibility for decision-making in their relationship. If they are afraid they only have to go to Mental Health to find Abused Women's Centers. If this person is not physically abused, but mentally abused then they really may not feel that upset over it all. Stronger women sometimes don't understand women that allow this behavior from their mates and it annoys them. We simply aren't all the same. No, mental abuse is not right. I have a girlfriend who takes a lot of verbal abuse from her husband and I must say, there are times when I want to shake her and ask her what is wrong with her. Her husband believe it or not is a kind guy with others, but not her. I came to realize that she actually enjoyed the "mind games" and one night when she and her husband came over to play cards with us the mental abuse was so bad it was beginning to ruin the evening. I waited to see what my friend would do and realized right then and there that she loved to act like the wounded sparrow and was waiting for my husband and I to say something. No way! We kept out of it. However, I did tell them eventually that I wasn't spending my evenings listening and watching this behavior and when they got it right they were welcome to come back into our home. We keep in touch by phone, but not much has changed so my girlfriend comes over on her own or her hubby will drop in for a visit and I like it like that! You are a good friend, but the best thing to do is keep out of it. If you don't you'll end up being the one blamed for any split-up that could occur. Either accept your friend for the way she is, or if it's too painful to watch what she is doing to her life then move on. Good luck Marcy