How do you convince your husband to not divorce you?

Answer 1

Firstly, you need to understand why he wants to divorce you so you can build your strategy around it in order to save your marriage. There is at least two situations you might be faced with:

First

The reasons why he wants to divorce you have nothing to deal with you but with himself, for example: he met someone else, he is confused, he is having general psychological or emotional problems, he is making of you his punch bag for his frustrations.

In this case, you will have to be strong enough for both of you in order to not let you marriage and family structure to fall apart. You will have to find ways to show him the positive side of choosing you and your family in case you both have children. You need to understand the definition of love before you can debate with him about feelings. The majority of people don't know what love is or what this entails. Under the Christian point of view, love is a commandment, (Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.). It is a decision you make to love or stop loving the person and this might be one of the reasons why there is a fine line between love and hate. The Bible also explains the characteristics of true love, (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.). This applies for all types of love, including the one between husbands and wives. If he wants to divorce you based on feelings for someone else, you will have to be strong to bring that concept to him and the reality check of what he is doing. Usually people confuse love with lust, attraction and passion and none of those feelings are the right ones to give up your marriage and your family. This is where you need to bring to him the responsibility of what he is giving up with the divorce.

Second

He might say he wants to divorce you because of you, for example: Because you are obsessive, you are workaholic, too self-centered, because you might have additions of some sort or because you put other things above your marriage.

What ever is the reason he gives, you have to use reasoning to admit that your actions or the person you have being are contributing to destroy your relationship. Usually in this case, couple's counselling can be helpful as you will not be able to change by yourself without knowing where all that is coming from and without knowing about yourself. So, do not be in self-denial but go after whatever it takes to not lose this person that is so important to you, your husband.

Avoid sharing your marital crisis with family and friends that are unable to be neutral to the situation and to those who will tend to take sides. This will only contribute to the problem get worse. However, share with people that will be willing to help without taking sides.

Suggestion

As a start point, for those interested in the Christian point of view on tips that can help you to save your marriage, I recommend the following:

Books: "The Love Dare" by Kendrick, Alex and Kendrick, Stephen and "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian

DVD: "Fireproof"(2009), Starring Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea