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=Answer= You're just doing fine on this board and actually I liked the way you did it because you gave a better view of your problem. Let me guess. He's either heading close to 40 or is over 40! They call this "andropause" and some men go strange around this time. They feel they want to be young yet once again, be single, attract younger women, or they may just want to act like a gypsy with a care-free attitude and no responsibilities. You may not like what I have to say, but no woman (or man) should put up with someone walking out on them so often no matter what the reasons. It takes hard work to make a marriage work and even harder work when there are children involved. A man doesn't respect a door mat, and by accepting him back into your life each time that's just what is happening. Surprise him and have his bags packed and sitting by the front door. Tell him enough is enough! It's a risky step, but either way you will win. He isn't use to you acting this way, and as they say, "There is nothing meaner than a wounded grizzly than someone coming between a mother and her children." Make that statement come true! If you think you're protecting your children by staying with him please realize that at least the oldest child can pick-up on a lot more than you realize and even babies can sense mood changes in the environment around them. By staying with your husband under these conditions is not good for your children! See a lawyer and see what your rights are. At least kick him out of the house and get a separation from him (not a divorce yet) and see where he goes from there. Be sure you get to stay in your home with child support at least. If he comes back into your life then give him conditions. Those conditions would be seeing a Marriage Counselor together and being serious about it and he doesn't get to move back into the house until he makes some effort. If he doesn't kick this guy to the curb, and get a divorce giving him some custody of the children. It's time to stop being so nice and start taking control of your own life! I am new to this, sorry I didn't have the details attached to the question :) My husband of 4 years has been out of our home for 2 months this summer. He says "he doesn't want to deal with me." He's left 30-40 times in our marriage; never for this long. Usually for one or two days. We have 2 young children, one of which is old enough to understand, the other who isn't. It's tearing us apart. This is his way of dealing with conflict; walking out of the room, walking out emotionally and walking out physically. He thinks he is standing up for himself when he does this; I am assertive, he is passive. Every week or so, he'll tell me he loves me, he misses me. Then the next day he tells me "you know what I want: to drink, hangout with female co-workers/undesirable male acquaintances, do whatever he wants. I never tell him "he can't do this, that:" only that I am not comfortable. For example, he wanted a female coworker (young, divorced) to come live with our family. I expressed my concern that we are a family and this wouldn't be appropriate. He got mad and started giving her rides home from work. He walked out because I told him I was uncomfortable with him talking to her in spite of her leaving his job. This is killing me; he says one thing, does another. I can't make it alone, I love him and our kids need their dad. I also need respect and love that I haven't gotten like I should since we were dating. Any help?

2006-08-14 01:55:07
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