How do you know when a man is serious about you?
With sincerity in his voice, he tells you softly and gently that he loves you. He continues by saying you mean the world to him. He may even tell you that not a day goes by that he isn't thinking about you. It seems that everything you are interested in... HE'S interested in. He's always ready to take you somewhere exciting... the nearest theme park, the theater, boating, rock concert, opera, nightclubs. His money is easily spent on you... rings and other jewelry, gifts, flowers, cards. Oooops! I misunderstood the question... forget everything I wrote above! You will never know the truth if a man is serious about you from his mouth. Also you will never know the truth from his wallet. And you will never know the truth by how 'nice' he is to you while you are dating. WARNING1: THE WRITING BELOW MAY BE JUST THE RANTING OF A BITTER OLD MAN. The world is made up of all types of people, but in that large eclectic group there are some categories we can discern. For men, we have the gay, the bisexual, and the straight (heterosexual) categories. Then we have the introvert, the extrovert, and the ambivert (what we like to call a middle-of-the-road-o-vert). Then there are the baby-makers, the wannabe baby-makers, and the 'probably-will-never-make-a-baby...ers'. Narrowing these down, let's discuss the types of men who will be approaching you (and a little bit about how you will feel about them). First thing to understand is that God programmed all men to naturally have a drive to procreate to populate the Earth. One of the oldest complaints women have is, "Is that all you ever think about?!?". And happily for the sake of the continuation of the human race, the answer for many men is, "Yes... that, and grown-up toys like fast cars, boats, etc." Again... men are after one thing and one thing only... sex. Everything else we do is just to fill the time in between those 'procreative encounters of the third kind'. Men don't need women for anything else. Friends? Go take a hike! We got plenty of other men to be friends with... and men friends can shoot hoops with you, help rebuild an engine, discuss the destructive firepower of various firearms, and help till the garden. And none of our men friends will ever demand a single flower from us, will never require 'snuggle-time' with us, will never require us to buy them an expensive dinner out. As a matter of fact, if we started buying gifts for our men friends to prove to them how much we care about them, we'd probably get beat up by those same friends. At the very least, we'd be ostracized very quickly. Keep that contrast in mind to help understand men's motivations. No man buys flowers for a woman because he wants to. He buys the flowers because it keeps you smiling and happy. And it is easier to get you naked if you are happy. No man buys jewelry or other trinkets and baubles for a woman because he wants to. He buys them because he knows it will keep you smiling and happy. And it is easier to get you naked if you are happy. No man buys an expensive meal at a restaurant for a woman because he wants to. But he will take you out, and spend tons of money on a meal because he knows it will keep you smiling and happy. And it is easier to get you naked if you are happy. Men are programmed to get the honey from the honey pot. Some have a stronger programming than others but we all have it. It's guaranteed that within 90 seconds after climax (right when you want to do the snuggling) we are wondering if we left that 1/4 inch wrench on the workbench or did we put it back in the toolbox? Or some similar thought that has little to do with what you and he had just 'shared'. Now, to avoid making it sound like all is lost -- that no man will ever truly be 'serious' about you, here is additional insight. Men don't need women for "friends"... but you can become a friend. Although we have a primal urge to sow the oats anywhere and everywhere, many men do have a concept of honor, integrity, and loyalty. It is that which moderates our primal urge to procreate. So... how can you tell if a man is really serious about you? Here's how... 1. Understand that initially a man flirting with you is serious about getting you naked (blame that on God, not the man. But really that's how our human race is still here! So it is not really a blame, but instead it is just the way it is). 2. Ask who was his girlfriend last week, or last month, or last year. No matter what a man's mouth is saying, if he was with someone else last week or last month, you are just the next notch on his headboard. Again... if he was with someone else last week or last month, YOU are just the next NOTCH on his HEADBOARD. 3. If he seems like a great catch, handsome and a good conversationalist, why is he single? The old folks had a lament that "All the good ones are married!" And that lament is true... or almost true. Most of the good ones are married or involved with someone else... because THEY ARE the good ones. If he is handsome and a smooth talker, but hasn't been married or in a long term relationship for a long time it is usually because he is not serious (remember, that was your question). 4. If the words, "My wife doesn't understand me..", or the words, "My girlfriend doesn't understand me...", or the words, "My wife is a bitch!", or the words, "My girlfriend is a Bitch!" ever come out of his mouth while he is sweet-talking you, RUN! You are being played BIG TIME. Honor, loyalty, honor, loyalty. Big items for an upright man. A sense of honor and a sense of loyalty control the primal urges of a decent man. What he is saying now about her, he'll be saying three months from now about YOU, to his next 'notch' target. Now, about a man's words. The old folks had a saying that actions speak louder than words. The next time he brings you flowers, say to him, "Honey (or whatever his name is), I really like the flowers but if you really care about me would you volunteer some hours at the local homeless shelter in lieu of flowers to me? The next time he wants to take you out to an expensive dinner, say to him, "Honey (or whatever his name is), I really appreciate the offer to go to dinner, but the local playground has been needing new playground equipment for years. If you really care about me, would you take that 'dinner' money and help me start a fundraiser to raise the money for new equipment? We can work on it together." The next time he wants to buy some jewelry for you, say, " Honey (or whatever his name is) I really appreciate your desire to adorn me in pretty things, but if you really care about me let's take that money and go buy kids' toys and then donate them to the Marine Corps Toys For Tots program. We can do that together. The next time he comes over and just wants to "hang out" with you, say, "Honey (or whatever his name is) I really appreciate that you want to spend some time with me. But let's not just sit around at my house. Old widow Jones who lives across the street is too old to mow her lawn and she's been paying Bob to mow it every week. But she is only getting Social Security and she doesn't really have that money to spare. Instead of us sitting around my house, let's grab a mower and go mow widow Jones's lawn for her-- free of charge. We can do that together. I could go on and on with more examples... think some up yourself. In other words, make him do something for somebody else -- to demonstrate his true seriousness about you. Most 'players' don't have the time for "do-gooder" shenanigans and they will move on to an easier 'notch' target. After all, it is much easier to just grab some paper from your wallet and trade it to some guy for some flowers that you had no part in tending, watering, or fertilizing and carry them over to some chick's house, and hand them to her with a big smile on your face as if you've really done something and sweet talk her for the rest of the night on her couch until she finally gives in and opens the honey pot. And finally, again, you will never know the truth if a man is serious about you from his mouth. Here are some comparative examples of what someone whom is "serious" would say juxtaposed with what a non-serious "Player" would say. SERIOUS: "Honey I love you. You mean the world to me. I can't stop thinking about you!" PLAYER: "Honey I love you. You mean the world to me. I can't stop thinking about you!" SERIOUS: "I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" PLAYER: "I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" Can you tell the difference? No? That's what I mean... you will never know the truth if a man is serious about you from his mouth.