How do you prepare your 11yr daughter for her first menstrual cycle?

Answer 1

The most important thing initially is to make sure your daughter understands not only what happens during menstruation, but also why this happens - explain about her body changing during puberty and menarche being part of this, also explain menstruation in context to her menstrual cycle.

It's not a good idea to save this whole subject for one sit-down talk, it's too much information to take on in one go, it's best to teach little and often in order to allow her time to digest information and for you to build upon knowledge. Look for 'teachable' moments when you can have smaller talks. It's a good idea to ask her questions too, see what she knows and what you can build upon or clarify for her, make it more a two-way conversation.

By 11 years old she should know words like 'vagina' and 'vulva' but may not understand words like 'ovulation' or 'menstruation', don't be scared to use correct terminology and explain when needed. Keep things age-appropriate, at some point she should be taught about the finer details of her menstrual cycle but right now keep things simple and build upon her knowledge at a later date.

When she gets a little older you may also want to introduce her to Fertility Awareness Method so she can learn about her cycles in more detail, this is a great way for her to learn about her body and feel in control of her cycles. In the mean time a small diary for her to note her periods and any other bodily changes she notices will be helpful for her to track her periods.

Explain to her what to expect.

This is a whole new experience for her so explain what symptoms she might experience leading up to her first period, what her period might look like, and explain that irregular flow partterns and irregular menstrual cycles are normal at first and may continue to be a little irregular up until adulthood. Learning FAM or the symptoms leading up to menstruation, and showing her how to track her cycles, will help her feel more in control even when irregular.

Make menstruation positive.

Menstruation isn't gross, dirty, smelly, inconvenient, or otherwise negative - chances are she's picked-up these ideas from media so it's important to counter these messages, and research shows that attitude effects women's experience of menstruation. If you think of menstruation as something gross or inconvenient you're not going to be happy during menstruation.

Periods are as good or as bad as she makes them, a better attitude towards menstruation will make her periods far more pleasant and less stressful for her. Explain to her that problems such as menstrual cramps are common but not a normal part of healthy menstruation so easily avoidable in most women through simple means such as dietary changes or herbal treatments.

It's a good idea to celebrate menarche in some way too, chances are she's going to be too embarrassed to make a big deal out of it, but perhaps talk to her in advance about whether she wants to do something to celebrate. It could be anything from a big party or sleep over, through to something more private like a special gift of a new dress from you or a family meal as a treat.

Show her menstrual products.

Introduce her to various types menstrual products; pads, tampons and cups, also talk to her about the health issues involved with each and hygiene.

Initially she may want to use pads so introduce her to commercial pads, organic pads, and cloth pads - cloth pads are best as they're safer and more hygienic, also with a wider range of sizes and patterns that make them more appealing to younger women, but she may want disposables for school. Explain to her how often to change her pads, how to clean-up between use, how to dispose of used pads, and risks such as odour and vaginal infections if not changed often or risk of dioxin and irritation if using commercial pads.

She may not want to use internal options initially but show her options like tampons, sponges, menstrual cups, and softcups. Tampons aren't recommended to pre-teens and teens given higher risk of TSS, also not all younger women are mature enough to follow precautions. Menstrual cups are a good option for younger women as they are far safer and more hygienic than tampons so pose no health risks like TSS or infections and so have fewer precautions to follow. A small brand menstrual cup would be good to have for her as she could go all day at school without having to worry about changing or leaking, which is likely to be a big concern for her.

Give her a period kit.

Suggestions for what to include;

• Make-up bag for carrying supplies.
• Pads/liners; a few different absorbencies.
• Cup; a small brand like Ladycup.
• Spare underwear.
• Scented sanitary disposal bags.
• Wipes for hands (no use on vulva).
• Spare change for vending machines.
• Tissues.
• Body spray.
• Mini heat pack.
• Painkillers.

Look at existing period kits such as DotGirl, Be Prepared 1st Period Kit, Lunapads Delux Teen Kit, or Momiji Starter Pack for ideas on what to include.

More information

Books are a great idea, they will help you talk to your daughter by giving you ideas on what to cover and visual aids, it also gives your daughter something to read in her own time when she may be more likely to take-in information.

Book suggestions;

• 'Girl Stuff' - Kaz Cooke.
• 'Deal with It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL' - Esther Drill.
• 'The Period Book: Everything You Don't Want To Ask (But Need To Know)' - Karen Gravelle.
• 'Period.: A Girl's Guide' - JoAnn Loulan.
• 'What's Happening To My Body? Book For Girls' - Lynda Madaras.
• 'The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls' - Valorie Schaefer.
• 'My Little Red Book' - Rachel Kauder Nalebuff.
• 'Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teens Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body' - Toni Weschler.