How do you tell if a 7 year old is sexually abused?

Answer 1

The article below will help you to find the right questions to ask your seven year old. If you feel they have been abused then it's important to report it to the police as the person who did this (if an adult) may well have a prior record on child abuse. This is from the mind of the child and often they are fearful they will be punished for what has happened. It also helps the parents choose a good way to approach their child and gives information on what can be expected if the molester is arrested and it goes to court. * Parents should be calm at all times and soothe their child. * If the child got into a car or went to a stranger's home after you told them not too, do not chastize the child by saying, 'How many times have we told you not to do that?' This upsets the child more and they feel they are going to punished in some way. * Don't make your child feel ashamed by telling them it's a big secret. Let it go for now. Remember, one parent reports a sexual abuse and it's amazing how many other parents can come forward now having the courage to say they suspected the same abuse has happened to their child and often by the same person that abused your child. * For now, don't leave your child alone and mother should be there as much as possible with the child until she gets to the bottom of things. What is sexual abuse? Sexual abuse is a touch on a private part of your body, like your penis or vagina or breast. But the person who touched you didn't seem to care whether it was private or not. The person who touched you did it in a way that made you feel confused and bad about yourself. The person who touched you may have made you feel that you were the one to blame. You may feel guilty even if it wasn't your fault. Sexual abuse may mean that an older person has made you touch his or her private parts. Sexual abuse may also mean that an older person has made you watch something you didn't want to watch. If you ever had a teenaged baby-sitter make you watch him masturbate (play with his penis), that's sexual abuse. Or if you ever had an older person make you watch movies of people playing with one another's private parts, that's sexual abuse too. How do I know if I've beensexually abused? You know you've been sexuslly abused if the touching was done on purpose, and not by accident. If the touching made you feel good and bad at the same time. If the person who touched you told you to keep it a secret. Here's an example: A stepfather comes into the Lucy's room and tells her a story and liked something in the story at which point the stepfather will introduce that subject to get Lucy to touch his penis. Lucy felt excited and scared and bad all at the same time. She was being sexually abused. When Lucy didn't want to do it anymore, she told her mother. Her mother was very angry with Lucy's stepfather, and made him leave. Should I tell someone I've been sexually abused? Yes. It's a good idea to tell an adult if someone is sexually abusing you, or has done it to you in the past. It's a good idea because the person you tell may be able to help make the abuse stop. Telling is also a good idea because a bad secret can make youfeel bad. Letting the secret out will make you feel better. But you have to be careful. You want to be sure that the person you're going to tell can help you or will want to help you. This booklet will help you to decide who is the best person to tell. Who should I tell? Here are people you might tell: Your mother is usually a good person to tell. Lucy told her mother that her stepfather had been sexually abusing her. Then Lucy's mother protected her by making the stepfather leave the house. But it doesn't always work that way. Here's an example: Carla's mother had a boyfriend who used to visit every weekend and would sit Carla in his lap and put his hand down her pants when hermother was busy in the kitchen. Carla told her mother but her mother told her not to worry about it. She said the boyfriend would soon gettired of doing it. When the boyfriend didn't stop, Carla told her teacher instead. Her teacher reported the abuse to a social worker. The problem was that Carla's mother was afraid that her boyfriend would go away if she complained to him. So she put the boyfriend first and Carla second. Most mothers are like Lucy's mother and will protect their children. But if your mother won't protect you, then you have to go to someone else like a teacher or a social worker. Your father may also be a good person to tell. Here's an example: When Shawn came back from summer camp, he was very quiet and wasn't sleeping properly. His father asked him what was wrong. Shawn told his father that one of the camp leaders kept getting into bed with him, and that he never wanted to go back to camp. Shawn's father was very understanding. He told Shawn that the camp leader had behaved badly, and that it wasn't Shawn's fault. He reported the man to the police. Then he took Shawn to a sexual abuse counsellor so he could talk about his bad feelings, but fathers don't always behave that well. Here's another example: When Robert went to the washroom at the park, a man showed his penis to him. Then he asked Robert to touch his penis. Robert ran home. When he told his parents what had happened his father shouted at everybody. He told Robert the park was full of 'weirdos'and that he was going to sue the Parks Board. Then he told Robert to describe the man. He said he would go to the park washroom himself with a Baseball bat. Then he told Robert he would get a spanking if he ever came home late from the park again.By the time his father had finished shouting, Robert wishedhe had never told. Two days later, Robert's father told him to forget the whole and not mention it again. That made Robert feel confused. Fortunately Robert's mother was more sensible. She listened to Robert, then phoned the police. The police told her that several parents had complained about the same man. They said they would try to keep an eye on the park washroom. Shawn's father and Robert's father behaved very differently. If you think your father is going to behave like Robert's father, you should tell someone else. You could tell your friend's parents. This is a good idea if you think they are going to be calmer and more sensible than your own parents. You could tell another family member. Many sexually abused children will tell a grandparent or aunt or uncle. Grandparents may not be as busy as your parents, and may have more time to listen. You could tell someone you trust at school, like a teacher, counsellor or nurse. It's important to tell an adult if you've been sexually abused,but you have to think carefully. Ask yourself who you think will help you. Then tell that person. What is the person I tell supposed to do? When you tell an adult that you've been sexually abused, that person is supposed to tell either a social worker or police officer. The law says the adult must do this. We have this law because we believe that all children in this country have a right to be protected from sexual abuse. What will social services do? When the adult you tell calls social services, a social worker will write down the details of the phone call. A social worker will interview you in a place where you feel safe. The social worker is going to ask you what happened. If you have been sexually abused in your home, the social worker will want to interview you somewhere else. This is why social workers do many of their interviews in schools.The principal of the school will find a quiet place where the social worker can interview you in private. The interview may go something like this: The social worker Asks you to tell the story in your own words. The social worker will ask you to talk only about things you know - not what someone else told you to say. If you don't know the answer to a question, just say,"I don't know." If there's something you don't remember, just say,"I don't remember."Sometimes you think you have to have an answer for every question. Answering a social worker's questions isn't like an exam. You don't have to have an answer for everything. If you feel afraid to answer questions, the social worker may ask you what you're afraid of. This is an important question because the abuser may have said that something bad would happen if you told. At the end of the interview the social worker may ask you if you know about any other children who were sexually abused by the same person. The social worker may also ask if anyone else has ever done the same thing to you. The law says that social services must protect you if you need it. Here's an example: 11 year old Michelle was sexually abused by her 15 year old foster brother, Marco. The police charged Marco with the abuse, but it was four months before he would go to court. Social services wanted to be sure that nothing else happened to Michelle in the meantime, so they placed Marco in a group home with other teenagers. He stayed there until a social worker said he could go home. Michelle was sad because she missed Marco, but she felt much better when she knew that he was going to get some counselling. Do you remember Lucy's story? Lucy's mother was protecting her by keeping her stepfather out of the house. That meant she didn't need social services to protect her. Do you remember Carla's story? Carla's mother put her boyfriend first and didn't protect Carla. Social Services placed Carla in a foster home until her mother learned how to look after her better. The social worker may also arrange for you to have a medical examination either at your family doctor's office or at a hospital. Most children are not physically hurt by sexual abuse unless the abuser has penetrated (pushed his penis or an object into the vagina or the anus). But the socialworker will want to be sure you are all right anyway. The social worker may also arrange for you to see a sexual abuse counsellor. The counsellor will be trained to work with sexually abused children and will be seeing other children like you. If you have been sexually abused you might feel guilty about it even though it wasn't your fault. The sexual abuse counsellor will help you get rid of your bad feelings, and help you understand other mixed-up feelings. The sexual abuse counsellor can also help you understand what happens in court if you have to testify (tell a judge your story in court). What will the police do? The police will want to interview you too if you've told someone that you've been sexually abused. This is because sexual abuse is a crime, and the job of the police is to catch criminals. The police understand that it can be frightening for you to be questioned. Sometimes they'll interview you when you're with the social worker. Sometimes the police can't do the interview with the social worker. Then they'll try to find the right officer to interview you later. Most cities have at least one police officer who is especially good at talking to children. The police want to find out if there is enough evidence to charge the abuser with sexual abuse. The police may make avideotape of their interview with you. A video tape makes a good record of what you've said in case you forget. It might even be used in court if the abuser is charged. After your interview, they'll give the information to the Crown Prosecutor. The prosecutor is a lawyer for the state, who is on your side if you have to go to court. The job of prosecutors is to look at the evidence you have given the police. If there's enough, they or the police may decide to lay charges against the person who abused you. This means that the person who abused you will have to go to court to answer the charges. What will other people do when I tell?Grandparents, aunt, older sibling teacher, minister of your church. What happens if I have to go to court? The prosecutor or police may lay charges against the person whosexually abused you. If that happens you may have to go to court to answer questions (testify). When you go to court to testify it is called a trial. Trials are expensive and take a long time. Prosecutors or police do not like to lay charges unless they think there's a good chance of winning. That means they need lots of evidence. When the person who has abused you has also abused a lot of other children, the prosecutor may think there is a 'good case: Once the prosecutor or police decide to lay charges, you are not responsible for what happens next. All you can do is try to speak well if you are asked to testify. The crown prosecutor will help you. The defense lawyer is on the abuser's side. The judge is in the middle and will try to decide if the abuser is really guilty or not. During the trial the person who abused you is called the accused. The accused is innocent until the judge decides whether he/she is guilty. The prosecutor will meet with you to talk about testifying in court, and ask you whether you want to testify or not. The crown prosecutor will have a better case if you can tell your story right in the courtroom. Don't be frightened of the word 'prosecutor: The prosecutor is your friend. It's the person who sexually abused you who will be prosecuted. What is the good part about going to court? It might sound as though going to court isn't worth it. But most children who have been to court say it's worth it, even if the abuser doesn't go to jail. They think it's worth it because they find out that a lot of adults believe their story and are willing to spend time helping them. And just having a trial may scare the abuser away from other children. Another good thing about going to court is that you have a chance to learn about the legal system. A counsellor or your parents could use a book called So, YOU Have To Go To Court! by Wendy Harvey and Anne Watson-Russell to help explain the legal system to you. What is the worst part about going to court? Most children who have had to go to court say that waiting is the worst part, because the legal system is slow. Sometimes the trial date is put off for months, and sometimes the case is dropped. Another thing that can happen is that the judge finds the accused 'Not Guilty.' This doesn't seem fair when you know very well what the abuser did to you. But 'Not Guilty' doesn't mean it didn't happen. It just means that the judge didn't have quite enough evidence to convict the abuser. Is telling really worth all the trouble? Now you know that if you tell an adult that you have been sexually abused, a lot of things can happen afterwards. You know that you'll be interviewed by social services and the police, and you'll probably see a doctor and a sexual abuse counsellor. You know that telling may upset some of the people in your family.You also know that if the abuser is charged, you may have to go to court to testify, and that could take a long time. Most children who have told about being sexually abused say it's worth it. It's worth it because they have freed themselves from a guilty secret. Most adults who are getting counselling today for sexual abuse that happened when they were children say : "I only wish I could have told someone when I was a child." But the choice is yours. No-one else can decide for you, but a lot of people can help you after you've decided to tell.Books mentioned Harvey, Wendy, LL.B. and Watson-Russell, Anne, Ph.D., So, You Have To Go To Court!, Vancouver: Butterworths Canada Ltd., 1988. No copyright law

There can be many signs and effects that are visible when a child is being sexually abused. Sometimes there are none. Signs and effects should be taken in combination; no one sign is definitive proof of abuse. I strongly recommend learning what those signs and effects are BEFORE "questioning" a child. The types of questions asked and the manner in which they are asked can seriously jeopardize the accurate outcome of an investigation, and could thereby result in an abused child continually being exposed to abuse. The two links below provide a comprehensive list of the signs and effects of sexual child abuse. If you suspect a child is being abused, contact your local Child Protective Services. If it's determined by CPS that the child is being sexually abused, they are obligated to get the police involved.