How should a loving couple engage in light bedroom bondage?

Answer 1

Light Bedroom Bondage for a Loving Couple

A beginner's guide to light bedroom bondage for a couple in a loving relationship.

This guide encourages pleasure, well-being, love, honesty and trust between two lovers. There's nothing dangerous or humiliating for either partner in this guide. This is not a guide to serious bondage and domination, just a few suggestions and ideas for loving couples who want to explore the sensual art of bondage and female domination.

This guide suggests that the female take on the role of the dominant partner but roles could be exchanged.

As with many other sexual activities, there are many different levels of bondage play. You don't have to go all the way with it. As a beginner, you probably shouldn't. Domination is an exchange of trust and is best enjoyed between committed couples as one partner surrenders themselves to the other.

A dominant is the person that has been given the power and is the one in control. The submissive is the one that has given him/her self to the dominant. If the couple agree to drop their inhibitions for a few hours, it can be a fun way to explore desires, fantasies and new pleasures.

A common act to perform is that of the Dominatrix and her submissive or slave.

If the woman feels she is not ready to take on the dominant role, the man may assume the dominant role and the woman will then be the submissive.

For the purpose of this guide, it is assumed the female is the dominatrix and the male the submissive.

The female assumes the dominant role while the male partner assumes the submissive role. The Dominatrix gets to unleash her sensual powers over her male submissive.

If you're usually passive, this is your chance to explore an assertive and confidence building experience. Female dominance can be liberating and life-changing, putting you in touch with your natural feminine power and heightening your self-esteem.

If you think you'll feel awkward suggesting it to your man, there's no harm in trying. Mention it in casual conversation or send him a naughty text message. Your man has probably fantasized about it already so you shouldn't have too much trouble convincing him to obey your every command. If you think you'll feel uncomfortable in this role, experiment with it and you'll soon find it's a fabulous place to be.

For the man, who might usually perform a more dominant role in everyday life and may not have a naturally submissive personality, surrender yourself to your partner's every desire. If you're the assertive one in the relationship, step into a passive and obedient role for a few hours. Experience her desires and through that, you will experience her love. She won't harm you.

Many couples find the experience relationship-affirming, as they both require and imply a level of trust between them that is not normally found in casual relationships.

Basic Requirements:

* Choose a name for pseudo yourself and a form of address. Either Ma'am, Mistress, Domina (Latin for mistress) or Maitresse. Example: Domina Dita. A new name will help ease you into your role.

* Your boyfriend or husband.

* His outfit - a leather thong, or a tiny outfit that will show off his bottom and please you. Instruct him to buy his outfit in your invitation.

* A blindfold for him. If you're a beginner or naturally shy, knowing that he can't see you could help you with your level of confidence. It's also a great accessory for sensory deprivation teasing.

* A collar and harnesses (for him) with D-rings to clip a leash to.

* A leash, about 6 feet long.

* A leather crop or paddle to get your slave's attention. Whether you use it or not, just showing it to him will help to keep him in check.

* Black leather or nylon wrist and ankle restraints or cuffs (not metal) to keep those wandering hands under control.

* Tethers can serve to keep his arms or legs spread apart.

* Scented candles.

* Your favorite sex toys and lubricant (possibly flavored as a little treat for him).

* Fruit & other sweet rewards.

* Music - set aside at least an hour's worth of sensual music. Slow Classical Music or down-tempo electronic is a good place to start. The music should be slow, methodical and relaxing.

* Prepare your temporary 'dungeon'. Dim the lights, turn off all distractions, set aside a few hours.

Your sensual outfit:

* The purpose of the seductive dominatrix attire is to arouse the submissive partner, to focus his sexual attention and keep it riveted on you, the Dominatrix.

* Step out of your comfort zone, forget about being conservative and re-invent yourself.

* Feel sexy and you will look sexy in any outfit. You don't necessarily need to be semi naked. Layer your clothing, a dress or skirt with sexy underwear underneath if you feel too shy to start out wearing something too exotic.

* Wear what you like, but try to aim for black and sexy.

* Play up your strong points, every woman has a dozen. Your hair, hands & toes, cleavage, lips, eyes etc.

* The aim of your outfit is to help you to step out of your ordinary self and become someone else.

* Leather, vinyl, lace and straps.

* If you're shy, a velvet black robe will make you feel good because it's silky on the inside and velvety on the outside. Coupled with stockings and sexy lingerie, you can control when and how you slowly reveal yourself to him.

* A sexy black bra and panties with stilettos or something more elaborate with garter-belt, stockings, gloves, and a corset. A push-up or cleavage enhancing bra will keep his attention focused on you.

* A basque, bustier, or waist-cincher.

* Fantasy costumes (sexy Halloween costumes).

*A dominant (yet feminine) military uniform or a sexy office suit (white button-up shirt, short pencil skirt), something that says you're in charge.

*If you plan to wear vinyl, Use a very light dusting of baby powder to keep the vinyl from sticking and remember that vinyl should fit tight. Vinyl will stretch and when you move, it will move with you. If it's too loose, it will bunch up and loose its visual effect.

* Shoes with feminine authority (stilettos or boots). They make your legs look longer and toned and you will look and feel taller. If you're not accustomed to wearing heels, then fake it with a pair of platforms. Your shoes don't have to be comfortable or practical. As a Dominatrix, you will look and feel more powerful when you look down on your subject. When your feet begin to hurt, it's time for your slave to rub and kiss them better...

* A mask. It adds an air of mystery to the woman behind it and may help him to banish any preconceived ideas of you as his wife or your child's mother. It may help you too when you look at yourself in the mirror.

* A wig (if you want to take your look a little further).

* Match your makeup to your lace, leather or vinyl. Try the "smoky eye" effect with black eyeliner and gray or matte black eye-shadow.

Basic Rules:

* Establish a safe word. The purpose for this word is a signal to you that your lover is uncomfortable or wants to stop immediately. i.e. "cantaloupe". If you plan to gag your lover, establish a safe signal or a tune that can be hummed - i.e. "Miss American Pie"

* Do not humiliate your lover.

* Do not inflict physical, mental and/or emotional pain on your lover.

* Aim to accomplish your ends through positive reinforcement and reward rather than through negative reinforcement, verbal correction and verbal or physical punishment. Let your partner know that you can and will use corporal punishment if required but, in your mind know that it is more effective to have your lover eagerly seek your kind and gentle approval, praise and admiration.

* If you're using a whip or paddle, only use it to punctuate your displeasure at your slave. Use it sparingly on him at first, until you know his limits.

* Never leave your bound lover alone.

* Ask your partner every so often if he or she is all right.

* Be safe, practice common sense.

Assume the role, your new personality.

In order to perform and enjoy your role as a dominatrix, you need to feel comfortable with your body. Accept yourself regardless of your shape or size. Any woman can become a dominatrix for an evening regardless of whether they're shy or feel their body is not the "perfect shape". It's all about attitude.

Banish all self criticism, step out of your old comfort zone and believe in your sensual power. It's there, waiting to be unleashed.

Light bondage is about trust, ecstasy and erotic drama. As you experiment with this new version of yourself, Don't be self-conscious, Don't worry about how you look, don't hold back and don't give in to "stage fright".

Don't think of him as your adorable and adoring husband. Allow your imagination to run wild; think of him as your toy-boy slave, eager to please his strict mistress. Tap into the intense attraction you have for each other and forget that you're husband and wife.

As a dominatrix, assume the following personality traits:

* Focus on the fact that you are in charge, and your way is the only way

* You are an all powerful sexual goddess. Walk tall and proud and you will exude authority

* Take control and assume your authority over your man

* You have the ability to control your man sexually because of his inherent weakness for the visual beauty of the female form - take advantage of this weakness

* You have the right to control your man because you are a superior sensual being

* You have the right to control your man because he is yours

Preparation for an evening of pleasure:

Set the scene in a temporary dungeon which could be your bedroom or lounge. Prepare 2 or 3 rooms if you plan to have your slave perform for you in various positions. You may require a chair, a bed, a coffee table etc. You may want to have him pleasuring you while you're sitting on a chair or sofa (with him on his knees) or you might want to stand on a raised surface, such as a coffee or dining table, looking over him while he caresses your legs.

Dim the lights, place your equipment and supplies within easy reach. Take a few moments to relax and prepare your mind for your role as a cool and suave dominatrix.

Prepare a short list of training and warm-up commands and exercises. These should include, Kneeling (Position 1), Standing (Position 2) and so on. Consider listing a brief description of what you would consider the perfect pose or position or make it up as you go along. The purpose of these training exercises are not to humiliate him but to help you become accustomed to your role as his Dominatrix and to prepare him for his role as your submissive.

Read the exercise commands out to yourself. Play out your role in your mind; it will build up your confidence. Experiment with your tone of voice and how you will deliver your commands. Don't be too loud, be sultry yet firm. Your commands should simply be delivered with authority. If you're shy or naturally speak in a quiet tone, simply deliver your commands in short, sharp sentences.

Create a list of tasks (copy and paste the ones below) that your lover will perform for you. The idea is to keep him interested in you with tasks that will give him bite-size pieces of pleasure - physical, mental or visual. Having him wash the dishes might please you but it provides no sexual bait for him. Think sexy. After your evening of sexy tasks and rewards, he'll happily wash dishes and do the laundry for you.

Examples of tasks or activities to try:

1) With a soft brush, instruct him to brush each of your toes. Tap his back with your riding crop when he is doing this.

2) Once that task is completed, to your satisfaction, instruct him to remove your shoes and give you a foot massage. Sit in a seductive position; instruct him to keep his head down, he's not allowed to look up. The suspense will drive him crazy. If you're wearing stockings, the sensation of rubbing your feet through the stockings will possibly be a new sensation for you both. He'll be aroused by his limited (yet teasing) view of you while you receive a great foot massage. If he does well, encourage him with warm praise. "Yes James, that feels good. James, a little softer on the heel. James, more attention on my little toe. James, no looking up."

3) Once this task has been completed to your satisfaction, lead him around the room and describe to him what he'll be doing next.

4) A back rub or sensual massage

5) Neck tickle

6) Expose each of your nipples one at a time and have him lick them with his eyes blind folded.

7) Have him lick the inside of your thigh, on his knees, hands tied.

8) Take a break and have him feed you some fruit.

9) Tie his hands up and restrain his ankles then have him face the other way while you slip into something 'more comfortable' Describe what item of clothing you're removing and what you're putting on in it's place. He's not allowed to look. "James, it's getting hot in here. I'm going to remove my leather bustier. I think I'm going to wear this lace bra instead"

10) If it will please you, instruct him to kiss and/or caress your favorite erogenous zone. While he does so, instruct him to look into your eyes or, have him blind-folded. Limit his pleasure, maximize yours.

11) If it will please you, touch him wherever you desire. He's not allowed to speak while you do this. Again, limit his pleasure, maximize yours.

12) Have your lover pleasure you with your favorite toy. He's not allowed to look.

13) Try out some 'Restraint plus Sensory Deprivation' experiences on him or have him work them on you. Lead him to the kitchen and have him cut some assorted fresh fruit into bite-size pieces. Sit on the counter, cross your legs, close your eyes, hands behind your back and instruct him to rub your lips once with a piece of fruit and feed it to you. Take time to take in its fresh smell and enjoy the taste. Try to guess what will come next. Enjoy the anticipation and sensation of your heightened sense of smell and taste. Keep your eyes closed. Trust that your slave will complete his task to your satisfaction. He's not allowed to eat. Your pleasure will come from the delicious taste and smell sensations, his reward will be to feed you and to see your beautiful body and sexy attire.

14) Do something similar with a drink - juice, wine, velvet liqueurs - whatever your heart desires.

15) Instruct him to run his hands gently through your hair and to use his fingers to trace and massage circles from your temples to the nape of her neck, a sure-fire way to send tingles down your spine.

16) Instruct him to adore your beautiful legs starting at the top and working his way down. If you're wearing stockings, it'll be a silky smooth experience for you both. Control his movement as he glides both his hands down your silky leg, past your knee, around your calf to your ankles. Instruct him to stop at your ankle and to gently rub around that area. Then the other leg. Torture him (and yourself) by instructing him to lick and kiss the inside of your thigh only as you spread your legs apart. He's not allowed to venture any further. If he's unable to resist the temptation, reprimand him or lightly spank him.

17) Have him perform in front of a mirror and choose to be the voyeur or exhibitionist by blind-folding him while he pleasures you or instructing him to watch your reflection as you remove an item of clothing or pleasure yourself. The erotic thing about the mirror is that it will convey a feeling that you're being watched, you're watching or starring in your very own exotic film.

18) Be a voyeur. Instruct him to stand still, blind-folded and facing a wall, move to a corner of the room or watch from the door-way and instruct him to slowly stroke himself for a minute or two. Remind him that he's not allowed to reach orgasm.

19) Instruct him to lie on his back with his head on a pillow. Stand above him and lower yourself above his face and hover above his lips. Enjoy the ride, taking control of the speed, depth and pressure of his tongue. Remind him that if he does well, there's more to come. Tie his hands and legs if you think he'll misbehave.

20) In the bathroom, facing the tub, spread your hands, hold on to the ledge of the tub, and spread your legs apart while pointing your butt out. Instruct him to enter the bathroom, get on his knees and pleasure you from below.

21) Torture him by leading him to the kitchen and instructing him to sit on the counter, leaning back using his arms to support himself. Pleasure his member for a minute or two with your hand or mouth. Lubricate it or rub it with an ice cube. Then on to the next task, something that pleases you only.

22) As you move towards the end of the evening and if your slave has performed very well and you're feeling in the mood to give him is final reward, do so in a way that still shows you're in charge. Have your way with him with you on top, the power is always a heady aphrodisiac. Spice it up for yourself by blind-folding yourself for extra sensory interest. Being on top is not limited to one style, however. If you're old-school, have him lie on his back and straddle his waist. Instruct him to support you while you blind-fold yourself. Then lower yourself onto him instruction him to lend you some support by holding your hips while you ride him. If think you may feel overexposed during the act, then blind-fold him. Try the same thing on a sofa. Sit him down, leaning back and straddle his legs. This position allows you to brace yourself against the back of the couch, giving you excellent leverage to ride him to orgasm. You can even brace yourself with one hand, leaving the other free to play with yourself or instruct him to stroke your clitoris for you. If you feel like limiting his pleasure, tie his hands up and blind-fold him.

23) Another pleasurable ending could be to instruct him to leave the room. Then kneel on the bed, blind-fold yourself and instruct him to enter the room quietly, without saying a word and take you from behind spoon or doggy style. Heighten the experience by instructing him to tie you up. Drive him (and yourself) wild by instructing him to stop after a minute or two and see how long you can both hold out for or move onto another task.

Sequence of tasks

Build up the sequence of tasks starting with minor tasks and progressing to more risqué tasks if he performs well. Remember, the dominatrix is in charge, she can stop at any stage. This is also your chance to experience new sensations so be bold and drop your inhibitions, your slave will be eager to please.

Lead him on, tempt and tease him, keep him focused. He'll be under your spell, aim to keep him there. Do not allow him to have an orgasm but build his hopes that he might be allowed to have one if he behaves and performs well.

Dress and become the part. Enjoy the process of dressing up. Use his visual weakness to your advantage, expose or accentuate your best features. However possible, try to maintain a height advantage over him, either with high heels or by keeping him on his knees if he's very tall.

Take your time and pamper yourself. Have your favorite music playing in the background.

Nurture and release your sensual spirit. Drop your inhibitions and throw caution to the wind. You are a sexy goddess and you will lead your lover to please you like he's never done before.

Dressed to tease, and commanding him with a stern yet gentle authority while suggesting that he may be rewarded if he behaves as you instruct him, will have him performing with extra care and attention. The mediocre foot, neck or back massage that he begrudgingly gives you while you're dressed in your teddy bear pyjamas in front of the telly will be replaced with long, gentle and meaningful strokes as he marvels at his queen in her sexy new attire.

The following is a suggested itinerary for an evening of light bondage with the girlfriend or wife as the sexy dominatrix and the boyfriend or husband as the eager to please submissive slave.

AN EVENING OF LIGHT BEDROOM BONDAGE:

The invitation:

Send your lover an email or text message with short and concise instructions. Have him come home at a particular time and tell him you expect him to enter the room wearing nothing at all, looking down at his feet, hands to his sides. Instruct him to buy his own accessories (collar, leash, restraints etc.) if you so desire.

Make sure you have everything ready by the agreed time. Cover your body with a coat or a gown. Once he enters the room, remember to maintain control of the situation at all times, do not let him touch you unless you tell him to.

Assert your dominance over your partner, your slave. Stand tall and proud, walk around him.

Discuss the idea and rules with him. Explain that you want him to cooperate with you, that he will carry out a number of therapeutic exercises for his benefit for the following reasons:

1) They will help him explore his sexuality and learn to focus his sexual attention on you, where it belongs;

2) They will help the two of you to develop your sexual relationship further as a couple by exploring fantasy and desire

4) They will help him learn more about what turns you on by experimenting with various accessories, props, toys and techniques

5) They will build greater trust between you and your lover

6) They will help you develop your feminine sensual powers and achieve your full sexual potential.

Be calm, confident and firm with him, and explain to him that you are not "asking" him, but are "informing" him that he is going to participate in this with you.

Tempt him with the possibility of a reward if he performs his exercises well. Remember, you don't have to end the session with any form of sexual pleasure for him or intercourse. His pleasure should come from pleasing you, the Dominatrix, his goddess master. His most sought after reward should be your pleasure.

RULES FOR HIM:

Inform him of the following rules:

1) When you are about ready, you will ring a bell (or call out to him). When he hears the bell, he is to enter the room (naked) and stand facing the doorway with his head down, looking at the floor.

2) Tell him that he is to lock his eyes on your feet when you approach him. He is not allowed to look up at you or laugh or smile. (Keeping his head down at this stage will get him accustomed to listening to your voice and it will also help you deliver your commands if you're feeling shy)

3) Explain to him that your manner of dress is not for his amusement or entertainment.

4) He should call you by your chosen name and form of address - example: "Domina Dita"

5) He is not to speak unless spoken to. If spoken to, you will most likely ask him "yes" or "no" questions. His answers should be limited to: "Yes, Mistress," "No, Mistress," or "I don't know, Mistress."

6) If he feels the need to say something or ask a question, he must first get your permission by addressing you by name, "Mistress Dita" and asking, "May I have permission to say something, Ma'am?" You may or may not grant that permission. Do not permit him to get "chatty."

7) He is to obey your every command during the training session.

Order him to leave the room and prepare yourself for your training session. Remove your robe and unleash your Feminine Powers...

1) Ring the bell or call for your lover to enter the room when you're ready. He should stand in front of you, so that you may inspect him.

2) Have your crop in one hand, and his blindfold, collar, harness and leash in the other.

3) Approach him and pause at the door for a moment to see if he can keep his head down and his eyes on your feet. He will have difficulty resisting the temptation to look up at you. When he can no longer resist the temptation to look up and ogle his Mistress's beauty, then you will need to correct him. "James, I said no looking. Do you understand?"

4) Stand behind him and stroke his back or buttocks with your riding crop or whip.

5) Tell him your Dominatrix name and make him repeat it to you.

6) Hand him is tight shorts, latex or leather underwear. Instruct him to put it on.

7) Then, tell him to turn around. When he has done so, place the blindfold over his head and the collar around his neck and secure the leash to it.

8) Tie his hands behind his back or leave one half of the hand cuffs tied to one of his hands etc.

9) Never let him put these items on or remove these items by himself. It is your privilege and your obligation to do this. It reinforces your superiority over him, both in his mind and in yours.

10) Now you are able to lead him, by the leash, out to the living room, den, or to whichever room you have chosen for his reinforcement training exercises.

Brief Training Session

As the Dominatrix, you may choose to include a brief training session. Explain to your lover that the purpose of this training session is not to humiliate him but to simply help him become accustomed to his role as your slave and for you to become accustomed to your role as his Dominatrix. This may be a new experience for you both so take it easy if it's your first time and keep the training session brief if you see your partner is really not enjoying it.

Start with a few questions.

Remember, he is not to speak until he is spoken to and reinforce the fact that you are in charge. If you think this may be awkward for you, stand behind him so he can't see you.

* What is my name? (Make him say your chosen Dominatrix name, without smiling.)

* What is the safe-word?

* How do I look? (Make him look at you and answer until you are satisfied.)

* Do you want me to touch you? (Make sure he says Ma'am, Mistress, etc.)

* What do you want me to do to you? (The only correct answer is: "Whatever you want, Miss.")

* What would you like to do to me? (The correct answer would be: "Whatever your heart desires, Domina.")

* Who does your body belong to?

* Would you like to have sex with me? (Of course he'll say yes, you're just teasing him with the possibility of this reward - do not give it to him, he hasn't earned it yet.)

After a few questions, if he behaves reasonably well, encourage him. Your goal is to teach him that obedience and cooperation will earn him attention. The sooner he completes his task, the sooner he'll receive his sexual reward (wink, wink). How you punish disobedience is up to you. If he misbehaves, remind him that you can keep this up all night. After all, you're not the one with their hands tied behind their back...

Training positions:

Assign each position a number and have him memorize them.

Example: in a soft purring voice, "James, assume position 1 (kneel)". Or, "James, assume position 1, followed by 2".

1 = Kneel, head down to your feet (as described or to your satisfaction)

2 = Stand, head down, arms and hands at his side

3 = Bend over, from the hips, back straight like a table top

4 = Sit, legs stretched out with arms and hands at his sides

5 = Lay on his back, knees up

6 = Lay on his belly, legs together, hands to his side

Etc.

POSITION ONE: Kneeling to your foot.

* In a standing position facing you, remove his blindfold.

* Extend your left foot, holding his leash in your right hand.

* Standing tall, looking down at him, command him with confidence and authority "James, Position One"

* He should immediately and smoothly drop into Position One, which is: On his knees, toes pointed, butt on heels, his hands flat on the floor on either side of your left foot. His forearms should be parallel and flat on the floor, his elbows a few inches in front of his knees. And then, leaning forward, raising his butt off his heels, he should touch his forehead to the toes of your left foot.

* He should not rest his head on your foot. Your foot is not a headrest.

* He should hold this position until you command him to do otherwise. He is not to kiss your foot unless you command him to, and only then as a reward for him.

If he kneels perfectly, encourage him with positive reinforcement. Let him hear you purr a soft "That's very good, James."

Run through a list of positions and instruct him how you'd like each part of his body to be positioned in order to create the perfect position.

POSITION 2: Standing

* Head down, shoulders back, stomach in, head looking down at the floor, arms to his side, fingers pointing down.

Correct him if he hesitates or "balks" at a command, or if he performs the wrong position. Let him know that he has done something wrong and that it displeases you. This can be accomplished with your tone of voice and possibly accompanied by a swat of your crop on the sofa or a "stroke" with your crop on his buttocks (without inflicting harm - it's the sound that's important, not the force). Let him know that the fact that he displeased his Mistress is far more punishment than any hard swat you could administer.

Correction should always be immediate and swift, consistent, significant and meaningful.

Be careful not to humiliate your partner. Be sultry yet firm.

Once he's mastered all the positions, move on to the sequence of tasks and rewards you've created starting with the minor tasks and progressing to more risqué tasks if he performs well.

Circle him and inspect him. If he has done well so far, reward him with a few strokes a kiss or whatever you feel he deserves... but just as a teasing reward to build up his hopes for more. He hasn't done anything to deserve your most sensual rewards just yet.

Remember that you are in charge. You have what he wants but he needs to earn it.

If you're usually shy about asking for oral sex or sensual foreplay, now is your time to experiment...

"James, Position 1"

"Now remove my shoe." "Very good, James"

Then purr is a soft yet assertive voice "remain in position 1 and massage my foot until I tell you to stop"

"Thank you James, please replace my shoe and assume Position 2" Take him by the leash and lead him to a bed, take out a toy. "James, I'm going to blind fold you, then I'm going to remove my... and you're going to..."

And so on...

If he's performed well, pleasure him with your hand and tell him that he is not allowed to have an orgasm, then stop and move on to his next task. Build up his level of anticipation with each successfully completed task but remind him (and yourself) that his ultimate pleasure should come from pleasing you, his beautiful Mistress.

Don't be too rigid with your itinerary. If you see something is not working, move on to the next task or stop completely.

Ready to try a little bedroom bondage?

TECHNIQUES AND VARIATIONS

Restrained Only

Most couples have tied their partner up and have sexually pleasured them. No spanking, whipping, paddling or flogging involved. This act is a mild form of bondage.

You may choose to not use any form of physical restraining devices.

The submissive may put their hands in a position that simulates being cuffed and promise to not move or use their hands. This is a great way to establish trust. If your partner is not capable of keeping his hands at bay, then consider using some form of physical restraint.

Restrained and Teased

Restrain your partner and obtain different articles that you can touch and massage your lover with. The fact that your lover can't move will heighten his/her sense of touch. Use a feather tickler, ice cubes, warming lotion, a comb, a brush, a fur massage mitt, a vibrator, a massage ball, a paintbrush or a leather belt.

The dominatrix may also enjoy restrained teasing by instructing her submissive to caress her with an article of her choice while she assumes a non physical restrained pose (i.e. hands behind her back) with her submissive on his knees.

The submissive may be restrained and teased with different types of stimulation on the skin and/or genitals (as a reward) but is not allowed to orgasm (as a form of punishment) until the dominant allows it.

Restrained with Sensory Deprivation

This consists of not only restraining the submissive, but also depriving him/her of one of the other senses.

The most popular sensory deprivation device for beginners is a blindfold. When someone is blind-folded, their sense of touch and smell becomes heightened.

Combine sensory deprivation with a little restraint and the anticipation of where the next touch or caress will be will drive your partner wild.

Combine touch with a delicious taste or sweet smell and your partner will be in heaven.

Combine restraint, blindfold and sensual music played through a pair of headphones and your lover's sense of touch, smell and taste will be heightened. Combine those elements with some teasing and you'll both be on a path to new and exciting sensual adventures.

Light Spanking

Hand spanking is the best for beginners. That way, as the spanker, you feel what it is you're doing to your lover. There's an element of being disconnected that's not entirely safe if you use a whip or a paddle as a beginner.

Instruct your lover to bend over the bed, table or couch and spank or flog the buttocks only. That's the fleshiest part of the body and the safest to spank. Beginners should be gentle. Do not harm your trusting lover.

There are items available that don't really hurt even if you whack your partner with all your might such as a ribbon flogger which is made of thin strands of satin ribbon. Adult shops may stock other safe flogging items.

Once you and your lover become comfortable with hand spanking you may want to move on to a whip or a paddle.

If you decide to try out spanking, experiment on yourself first. If it hurts on you, it will hurt on your partner. Be gentle. Your submissive should feel secure. If you plan to use a paddle or riding crop simply tap your lover's skin with it until you know his limits.

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS

Always be aware of your partner's mental and physical state during a particular activity. If someone has surrendered themselves to you, you must stay in touch with them.

If your partner appears to be uncomfortable or unresponsive to something, it is up to you to realize this and stop all activity or re-adjust your position or accessories to ensure your lover is comfortable.

Do not spring on any silly surprises. If you know there's something your lover will not be willing to try, do not attempt it while your lover is in a vulnerable position. Remember that domination is an exchange of trust. If you're not sure, leave it out and discuss it during your next pillow talk session. You don't want to ruin a carefully planned evening with a foolish request.

Care must be taken to not embarrass, hurt or offend your partner. The rules have to be explicit and discussed prior to starting. Tying somebody up and teasing them with a feather is a bit different to putting a gimp mask on them and leading them around the house like a dog and forcing them to lick your boots. Whipping and physical pain can also be pleasurable, but bear in mind there are special tools for spanking -- drawing blood is not the point.

Don't forget to establish a safe word. This is usually a word or phrase that is discussed and agreed to by both partners. It should be a something that if said is absolutely easy to recognize. And when this word is said, all activity stops. Then discuss what the problem is and either work it out, move on to something else or stop all activity completely. A word like "cantaloupe" will alert the dominant partner that they should back off.

Excessive use of drugs and/or alcohol can impair your mind and cause you both to make bad decisions. It can also cause the dominant to be less aware of the submissive and possibly miss important cues.

You should not get involved in bondage play just to please your partner or pressure your partner to do it for the same reason. Both partners must genuinely consent and fully agree to delve into this sensual act.