If a narcissist wants to give back something valuable that he has stolen from you is this reason enough to break the no contact rule?

Answer 1

No contact. That's the rule. However, it does not mean that you must write off your stolen valuables. Well, not yet, anyway. 1. You, not he, must manage the distance: and always increase it.How did he get word to you about his offer to return the stolen object? Did he phone? Write? And has he already broken the rule to do so? Whatever means he has chosen to contact you, do not use the same means to respond. Instead, choose a different method--one that indicates greater distance. For example, if he phoned and left a message on your voice mail, you should not just pick up the phone and call back. Instead, relay a message to him through a third party. 2. Recruit a trusted friend as your "N buddy." Use your N buddy as an intermediary to contact the N for you and to make arrangements for the return of the stolen valuable. Good candidates: your brother; a platonic male friend; someone in a religious role; your uncle who happens to be a cop. Your N buddy should not be an attractive female, even if she is your best friend and knows karate! Nor should your N buddy be a minor. (I am assuming that you and the N were in a romantic heterosexual relationship. If that's not the case, alter the N buddy profile to suit.) 3. Don't let him in the door! The exchange should not take place in your home if there is any way to avoid it. He should never, ever "have the run of the place!" The mischief in the mind of an N is almost limitless. An example: if you let him in the door, he might ask to use the bathroom. If you let him use the bathroom, then he has access to the medicine cabinet. Who knows what he might take, or leave behind, or find out about you or other family members--just by gaining access to the bathroom? On the other hand, if he asks to use the bathroom and you refuse--how will that sound when he repeats the story, about how he came all that way just to do a good deed and you're such a mean, ungrateful person that would not even let him.... etc. etc. That's just one tiny example. By the way, your car is an extension of your home. Do not let him get into your car. 4. Do not meet him alone.There should be a witness present whenever the two of you are together in the same place. This is not about the fear of potential violence: not all abusive Ns are physically violent. It's about the poison that he will pour into your ear if you give him the slightest chance. 5. No concessions. If he tries to use the stolen valuable as a bargaining chip, be prepared to write it off. Go into this situation fully prepared to walk away without your stolen item if you must. Your sanity is worth far more. The N is a pollutant in your emotional life. Treat him as such. It's tough, it hurts like hell, but in the end it's the only answer. All the best to you! This narcissist is still in control! He never wanted what he took from you in the first place and only took it from you to punish you. He is playing mind-games with you. If you were smart let him give you that valuable item back (without any conditions attached to it .. NO CONTACT) and then split! If he won't give it back to you without conditions attached remember that there is no article important or expensive enough to remain with an abuser. Hit the bricks and leave this guy! He is likely using it as an excuse to see you/manipulate you. If you really want it back, you could ask a third party (friend or relative) to get into contact him and coordinate the return (including just having him mail it). Anyone who has been in a relationship with an N, knows how addicting it can become to re-engage in the fantasy (assuming they are in best behavior mode). Contact can be like 'one' drink is to an sober alcoholic... tough to stop. Best of wishes and wisdom... -AlwaysLearning