If you have a child with a narcissist is it better for the child if you stay together or split up?

Answer 1

I'm currently initiating divorce proceedings with my N. I know that staying with him would eventually drive me insane..... and that doesn't bode well for das kinder, we have 2 young daughters. I feel solely responsible for providing a model to the girls for how healthy adults interact. What I've provided so far..... isn't acceptable. You have to ask what your goals are, IMO. If raising healthy children is a priority.... and you can't DO that within the marriage.... then you're duty bound to get into some counseling yourself, and leave. Either way.... get some counseling. get the children some counseling. Provide healthy models if you can and limit the trauma inflicted to your children by the N. What else can you do? Oh ya.... you COULD convince yourself that you're staying in the relationship FOR YOUR CHILDREN'S sake.... when you're actually using them as an excuse to stay because the pain of going is as bad as the pain of staying. Let's face it.... N's are attractive in many ways to us or we wouldn't be with them. No shame there.... most people are attracted N's intelligent charming larger than life energy force. It's hard to make huge life altering changes. Hard to go against the N's wishes. Hard to divorce under any circumstances. We all avoid pain when we can. It's only human. Be kind to yourself but don't choose the path that seems easiest in the moment. Be mindful, now that you're aware, of every choice you make. You have the power to make good choices, as well as bad ones. Educate yourself and visualize the future you want your children to have. You're going to be hurting, no matter what path you choose so..... you may as well choose the one that will be rewarding and rich, for you AND your children, in the end. Also be aware of the tremendous pressure your N will exert on you..... fairly nonstop if he's unwilling to give you up. It's daunting and you will be in tremendous pain and confusion. The temptation to end that immediate discomfort will nag at you but you can choose to remain strong and stick to your path. Every break up leads us into a void... dark and painful. It's good to remember that you will eventually come out of it.... and you will feel joy again. That's just part of being human too. Be strong..... if not for yourself.... then do it for your child.... if you feel it's warranted. Indulge your interests and passions... get busy, even if you don't feel like it. One good feeling, forced or otherwise, leads to another and that's the way you heal. Fake it till it becomes reality. Ask your friends for help and support. Be honest with them and never stop growing. ::end rant, lol:: Tremusan