Im 14 and engaged to a 16 year old how long should i wait before i tell my parents?

Answer 1

although many would tell you that you are too young, I am going to look at the past society's ideals of marriage and actually try to give you helpful advice. First things first, you have to realize that many emotions, thoughts, and feelings change in a person between the ages of 16-20. Girls used to get married at the age of 13 so I am not saying that your choice is incorrect, just realize that by standards of today's society, it may be deemed "rushing" things.

From experience I can say that it can work out wonderfully, or it can be catastrophic, just keep in mind that choosing a life-time goal with limited knowledge of how the world really works (I am not trying to insult your intelligence, I am simply stating your lack of experience in the matter of life such as; bills, responsibility, and also love) can be difficult.

Now for your question, every situation is different. Depending on your parents, they could either support you, or ban you from seeing this boy ever again (The second actually happened to me personally). So you have to kind of feel out how your parents feel. But keep in mind, if you do NOT tell them, and they find out themselves, they can call that lying, and I have never met a single parent who encourages that.

So my opinion: Look over your decision, are you going to seriously want to be with this guy for the rest of your life? I am not saying say yes to that because it's what you feel at the moment, I am saying use your head and think this out very seriously. At 16, he is going through changes as well, his thoughts right now are determining who he is going to become in several years down the line. He will change, and so will you. So think very seriously whether you want to risk the idea that you two will be together after your changes have occurred.

Next: If you decide you wish to take the risk and go for it, talk to him and decide about when you want to get married (Wait till at least after high school, you should have gone through at least half of your changes by that point hopefully and you'll also see where his character is headed as well) deciding on a time period is a good idea, and if that time is getting close and you are still unsure whether or not his character is what you want in a lifetime relationship, prolong it. You as the female are the one at most risk in a relationship. Guys tend to not be as emotionally tied to relationships as females, and if you ask him to wait and he refuses, than obviously he isn't the one for you.

Next: If you have done the above two steps, see how your parents will act on the situation. I don't mean to tell them, but I mean just look at their characters and how they handle situations involving young love and the such. Normally I can tell you that the more liberal (non-political) and accepting your parents are, the better they will take the news. Old fashioned parents are more likely to try to take the "chastity savior" route and protect you from this "evil boy" who is "skewing the thoughts of their daughter".

Next: If they seem to be like they wont flip out on you, tell them. If they seem to be the type that will go ballistic, give the boy back his ring and tell him to wait for you and that you will gladly date him until the time you feel your parents wont go crazy. I am personally just speaking from experience here, but you don't want to go behind your parents backs and you definitely do not want them to find out on their own. I would much rather just stay dating and form a lasting bond together, than to have your parents feel as though they are to protect you.

I hope this has helped you.