Is it verbal or mental abuse if unkind words are spoken once or twice during disagreements over a 25-year period or is verbal and mental abuse a repetitive barrage of insults criticisms and put-downs?
Abuse can be one word, or 500 words. Anything said with the intention of hurting your feeings, self esteem, or person.. Although, there are quite a few people who unintentionally hurt others, not knowing they do this behavior. It's a learned behavior, simply because we humans aren't born knowing how to hurt others. There ares several types of abuse.. PHYSICAL ABUSE - any unwanted physical attention - kicking, punching, pushing, pulling, slapping, hitting, shaking - cutting, burning - pulling hair - squeezing hand, twisting arm - choking, smothering - throwing victim, or throwing things at victim - restraining, tying victim up - forced feeding - hitting victim with objects - knifing, shooting - threatening to kill or injure victim - ignoring victim's illness or injury - denying victim needs (eg. food, drink, bathroom, medication etc.) - hiding necessary needs - pressuring or tricking victim into something unwanted - standing too close or using intimidation - making or carrying out threats to hurt victim -making her (victim) afraid by suing looks, gestures or actions - smashing things - abusing pets - display of weapons as a means of intimidation SEXUAL ABUSE - any unwanted sexual contact - forcing her to have sex, harassing her for sex - forcing her to have sex with animals - uttering threats to obtain sex - pinching, slapping, grabbing, poking her breasts or genitals - forcing sex when sick, childbirth or operation - forcing her to have sex with other men or women - forcing her to watch or participate in group sex - knowingly transmitting sexual disease - treating her as a sex object - being "rough" - pressuring her to pose for pornograpahic photos - displaying pornography that makes her uncomfortable - using sex as a basis for an argument - using sex as a solution to an argument - criticising her sexual ability - unwanted fondling in public - accusation of affairs - threatening to have sex with someone else if she doesn't give sex - degrading her body parts - sexual jokes - demanding sex for payment or trade - insisting on checking her body for sexual contact EMOTIONAL ABUSE Also called "Psychological or Verbal Abuse" - false accusations - name calling and finding fault - verbal threats - playing "mind games" - making victim think she/he is stupid, or crazy - humiliating victim - overpowering victim's emotions - disbelieving victim - bringing up past issues - inappropriate expression of jealousy - degrading victim - putting victim down, not defending her - blame the victim for things - turning the situation against the victim - laughing in victim's face - silence, ignoring victim - refusing to do things with or for victim - always getting own way - neglecting victim - pressuring victim - expecting victim to conform to a role - comparing victim to others - suggested involvement with other women or men - making victim feel guilty - using certain mannerisms or behaviour as a means of control (eg. snapping fingers, pointing) - threatening to get drunk or stoned unless.... - manipulation - starting arguments - withholding affection - holding grudges and not really forgiving - lying - threatening to leave or commit suicide - treating victim as a child - having double standards for victim - saying one thing and meaning another - denying or taking away victim's responsibilities - not keeping commitments - insisting on accompanying victim to the doctor's office - deliberately creating a mess for victim to clean - preventing victim from getting or taking a job - threatening her with anything (words, objects) - refusing to deal with issues - minimising or disregarding victim's work or accomplishments - demanding an account of victim's time/routine - taking advantage of victim's fear of something - making her do illegal things DURING PREGNANCY AND CHILBIRTH - forcing her to have an abortion - denying that the child is his - insulting her body - refusing to support her during and after pregnancy - refusing sex because her pregnant body is ugly - demanding or pressuring her for sex after childbirth - blaming her that the baby is the "wrong sex" - refusing to allow her to breastfeed FINANCIAL ABUSE - taking victim's money - withholding money - not allowing victim money - giving victim an allowance - keeping family finances a secret - spending money foolishly - pressuring victim to take full responsibility for finances -not paying fair share of bills - not spending money of special occasions when able (birthdays etc) spending on addictions, gambling, sexual services - not letting victim have access to family income SOCIAL ABUSE - controlling what victim does, who victim sees, talks to, what victim reads and where victim goes - put downs or ignores victim in public - not allowing victim to see or access to family and friends - change of personality when around others (abuser) - being rude to victim's friends or family - dictating victim's dress and behaviour - choosing victim's friends - choosing friends, activities or work rather being with victim - making a "scene" in public - making victim account for themselves - censoring victim's mail - treating victim like a servant - not giving victim space or privacy USING CHILDREN - assaulting victim in front of the children - making victim stay at home with the children - teaching children to abuse victim through name calling, hitting etc - embarrassing victim in front of the children - not sharing responsibility for children - threatening to abduct children, or telling victim they will never get custody - putting down victim's parenting ability DURING SEPARATION/DIVORCE - buying off children with expensive gifts - not showing up on time for visitation or returning them on time - pumping children for information on victim's partners etc - telling children that victim is responsible for breaking up the family - using children to transport messages - denying victim access to the children USING RELIGION - using scripture to justify or dominance - using church position to pressure for sex or favours - using victim, then demanding forgiveness - interpreting religion or scripture your way - preventing victim from attending church - mocking victim's belief's - requiring sex acts or drugs for religious acts ENVIRONMENTAL ABUSE ABUSE IN THE HOME - locking victim in or out - throwing out or destroying victim's possessions - harming pets - slamming doors - throwing objects - taking phones and denying victim access to the phone ABUSE IN THE VEHICLE - deliberately driving too fast or recklessly to scare victim - driving while intoxicated - forcing victim out of the vehicle (when angry) - pushing victim out of the vehicle when it is in motion - threatening to kill victim by driving toward an oncoming car - chasing or hitting victim with a vehicle - killing victim in a deliberate accident - denying her use of the vehicle by tampering with engine, chaining steering wheel or taking the keys RITUAL ABUSE - mutilation - animal mutilation - forced cannibalism - human sacrifices - suggesting or promoting suicide - forcing victim to participate in rituals or to witness rituals Here are some symptoms of abuse... MISUSE OF POWER AND CONTROL Using Emotional Abuse - putting victim down - making victim feel bad about themselves - calling victim names - making victim think they're crazy - playing mind games - humiliating victim - making victim feel guilty - treating victim like a servant Using Economic Abuse - preventing victim from getting or keeping a job - making victim ask for money - giving victim an allowance - taking victim's money - keeping family income a secret and preventing access to income Using Intimidation - making victim afraid by using looks, gestures or actions - smashing things - abusing pets - displaying weapons in threatening way Using Isolation - controlling every aspect of victim's life - controls who victim sees and talks to and where victim goes - limiting outside enjoyment - using jealousy to justify actions Using Coercion and Threats - making or carrying out threats to hurt victim - threatening to leave or commit suicide - pressuring victim to drop charges - pressuring victim to do illegal things Using Children - making victim feel guilty about the children - using children to relay messages - using visitation to harass victim - threatening to take children away Minimising, Denying, Blaming - making light of the abuse and not taking victim's concerns about it seriously - saying the abuse didn't happen - shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour - saying the victim caused it I would highly suggest staying away from this other person, totally. No relationship with them, no sex, no phone calls, no finding out gossip about them. Cut them out of your life entirely. Quit blaming them for your life. Ignore what they say about you if you hear it from other sources. If you're still unwilling to make that step, accept your share of the responsibility for what goes on. Neither of you is contributing to a healthy relationship by staying together. You're both basically feeding into a continuing cycle on both sides. If you have children together it's especially unfair and abusive to them. I can't believe what I have just read! I have been married for almost 35 years, have known my husband for almost 40 years. If you think we haven't had a word or two said to each other that didn't sit right, then you are sadly mistaken. NO marriage is perfect. The difference is, when you may have a very few falling-outs with your partner (and we are only human) is to cool off, apologize and sit down like to adults and communicate and try to understand why one or the other feels the way they do and come to some resolution. Two people can't be married for years and not butt heads on occasion. As far as what the poster said in their question NO YOU ARE NOT VERBALLY ABUSED! The hallmark of abuse is the ('unauthorized') exercise of POWER by one person over an another. It is generally also HABITUAL. In any family or household, there will be times when basically good people 'snap' and say unkind things and/or yell. If people make their peace soon and don't behave like this habitually - and don't bully and intimidate others, then it isn't abuse. Answer Abuse so depends on what the rest of the words that are used during the marriage. If the silent treatment is part of the package, it is abuse. If the discussion is stonewalled by the unkind words, it is just plain mean. Anything short of listening, affirmation and considered response is not going to further the relationship. We all have to work on improving together. Answer The original question refers mainly to verbal/emotional abuse. There is a common thing in nearly all cases. The abuser will say if asked, that the abused person, should not have been hurt by their words. This is naturally not their decision to make. Then, when the two sit down to discuss the issue, the abuser will talk about the other person's feelings. The abused will talk of their own feelings and will want to hear of the feelings of the other person. This, afterall is the start of reconciliation and beginning of apology. Unfortunately the abuser will not talk of their own heart and feelings in most cases and will be arrivated by the one who does.