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Is there a way to avoid the pain that goes along with the first sexual encounter for a girl?


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May 08, 2014 7:06AM

One option: Abstinence.

If you are planning to have mutually consensual vaginal intercourse, first the girl/young woman should see her gynecologist/ nurse practitioner/ physician's assistant or a low-cost/free clinic such as county health services or planned parenthood.

At least two purposes are served by this consultation: education about birth control and sexually transmitted infections as well as an opportunity for a vaginal exam to be sure she is healthy.

Pain during the first vaginal intercourse is caused primarily by an intact hymen, a piece of muscular tissue that normally obstructs part of the vaginal opening. During that first intercourse the erect penis breaks or tears that piece of muscle, possibly causing a significant amount of bleeding.

It could be quite painful, severe enough to last a few days or to make walking difficult initially. If these consequences are not expected or have not been explained, the girl's experience can be frightening or repulsive to her.

In some cases, if the young woman has been very athletic or physically active the hymen may already have been stretched or broken at some time during those activities, possibly with little pain and some slight vaginal bleeding; she would still be a virgin, although the hymen was no longer complete. In this case pain during first intercourse would be caused by other reasons.

If a girl informs her gynecologist that she will be having sex soon, the doctor/ NP/PA may offer to stretch or break the intact hymen for her during a vaginal exam. The exam is also an opportunity to be sure that the shape and size of the vagina will accommodate a normal penis ( another reason for pain during intercourse ) and that she is healthy and doesn't have any signs of infection.

Even a virgin can have a virus (herpes) or yeast infection that could be transmitted. The subjects of STD prevention, especially AIDS, and conception control options can be discussed as well.

Knowing what to expect and being prepared for some discomfort during the first intercourse will help to her to be somewhat relaxed and receptive. Muscle tension can be a painful problem during the first and subsequent experiences and can lead to a lack of lubrication, also resulting in pain. A thoughtful, responsible boy/ man will make sure that she is prepared for the experience with knowledge and help from health care professionals. Lots of foreplay is very helpful.

Understand, however, that vaginal intercourse should not be nearly as painful after the initial or second sexual experience. (That is to say you took the doctor-guided precautions listed above.) If it persists being excessively painful beyond this, see your doctor promptly.

One less serious reason for this pain may be due to you and your partner not allowing you to heal. So, if you did experience tearing or painful stretching during the initial penetration, one of which may have resulted in a fair amount bleeding, be sure to take your time before repeating the sexual experience. Give yourself a bit of time to recuperate and heal before becoming sexually active again.


To be honest, it might be a better experience to wait to have sex until you and your partner have learned how to get each other to orgasm in other ways besides sex. That way, you could use fingers and sex toys to stretch the hymen and vagina over a few weeks.

Don't even waste your time having sex with a guy who is not willing to either learn how to bring you to orgasm, or at least willing to stay out of the way and let you get yourself off during sex.

Because why even HAVE sex for the first (or any other) time unless you enjoy it? Doing it to make the guy happy, or because you think he'll leave you if you don't put out, is a recipe for an unhealthy and miserable relationship. Because then you are working under the mistaken belief that you "have to" let him use your body all the time in ways that are no fun for you, in order to keep him as a boyfriend. NOT worth it.

First, learn to give yourself an orgasm. If you've been using tampons, using dildos or vibrators to masturbate, and having foreplay that involves a few fingers penetrating you, then you probably won't actually have a hymen anymore and probably won't actually find sex painful anyway.

Make sure you are good and lubricated and getting close to orgasm, or even had an orgasm before actually letting the man enter you, the endorphins released by orgasm make you able to take a lot more pain and even interpret pain as pleasure.

Also, make sure to talk with your partner about his sexual style. A few short, gentle strokes first, literally easing into sex, will be a lot more pleasant EVERY time, not just the first time.

And if he is larger than 6 inches or so, you might explain to him that having the head of his penis rammed really hard against your cervix (the deepest end of your vagina) is about as fun as being kicked in the nuts for a guy. Some guys think that thrusting harder automatically = better, and that is not necessarily true. Although some women really like it, especially later on in the session when you are good and warmed up.

The best way is probably for you to be on top for the first few minutes, because you can ease him into you at your own speed and then control the force and depth and speed of the thrusts in order to find what is physically comfortable for you.

Make sure your partner knows this is your first time and you expect it to be "all about you" to a certain degree. It might not be amazing but there is no reason it has to suck. And if he is not willing to agree to that, then he's not the right one. You only get one first time so don't waste it on a selfish jerk.

You could choose a partner that has a small skinny penis (about 5" or smaller in length) until you get used to it.

You can also use a 'delay' cream designed for men to numb the initial area first (external use only).

If you are of age, you could get good and drunk to the point that it won't bother you.

You most certainly do not want your first partner hung like a horse.

Think of it like running a marathon. If you never ran one you need to work your way up to it, so to speak.

If you are the least bit dry you should use a lot of condom safe lubricant. A tiny bit dry and it makes it hurt more.

Older men have more patience and experience. They should be your first choice, all things considered equal. The older the man the easier it can be for you.

Younger males are in far too big of a hurry.

Don't be afraid to tell the boy/man who is making love to you that his penis is hurting you. Tell him that you need him to pump you slowly in and out so it doesn't hurt you. Most guys like to feel a tight vagina when they have sexual intercource. You need to tell the boy/man that you need him to make love to you slowly so it won't hurt you and so it will feel real good to you. Most guys want to make the woman feel real good.

If your boyfriend has a real big penis, you should still be able to have pleasureable sex with him. You need to use a lot of lubricant on your vagina and on his penis the first few times and maybe always after that too.

I have read that every woman's vagina can accomodate every size penis. I suppose this may be true because when a woman gives child-birth her vagina opens up real wide to release the baby.

A man feels real good when he has sexual intercource with a woman. He should want to make the woman feel real good when he makes love to her. So, therefore, men should always want to take time when they make love to a woman so that they do not hurt her or cause her pain. They should be willing to enter her vagina slowly with their erect penis and they should be willing to make love to her slowly as she tells them to. They do not need to pump hard and deep the first few times.

If a man is making love to you and if his penis is causing you a lot of pain and discomfort, you should not be afraid to tell him that you want him to stop and pull his penis out. You can always satisfy him orally and most men really like that a lot. But don't forget that you have a right to be sexually satisfied too. Don't be shy about asking the man to go down on you if you are willing to go down on him. What's good for the goose is good for the gander too!