Should you stay in a unhealthy marriage until the children are grown?

Answer 1

No. It's better for children to live with divorced parents than to live with parents who are unhappy for several reasons.

• You don't want them growing up believing that is what a 'normal' marriage is supposed to be like. This could result in them having unhealthy ideas of marriage when they become adults and get married.
• When the parents are unhappy, it always affects the children. And if the parents are in an unhealthy marrage, they, and the kids, are unhappy. And don't fool yourself thinking you can hide it from the kids, because kids are much more observant than most people realize.
• Depending on the cause of the problems in the marriage, one, or both, of the parents may be, or may become, angry. And for children to live with that kind of anger, even though it's not directed at them, is not a healthy environment. And again, don't fool yourself into believing they won't pick up on that anger, because they will.
• Staying together 'for the sake of the kids' usually does far more damage to the kids than divorcing does. Children have a way of blaming themselves when the parents are not happy. So to expose them on a daily basis to your unhappiness is exposing them to constant mixed, confused feelings, as well as feelings of self blame.

So for all of these reasons, and more, it's best to call it quits, call an attorney, and get a divorce if you know for sure the marriage is over. But before you do, please read the information in the related link below. There is much more information there that will help your children now, as they grow up, and even on into their adult years. And it's vital that both parties read it for the sake of your children's happiness and wellbeing, and follow the advice in it. The information will also help you and your spouse during this transition, as well.