What Self is the Narcissist using when he gets mean and acts cruelly toward those who care about him?

Narcissists actually self-loathe themselves. The old quote, "You always hurt the ones you love" is true in this case. Narcissists can be either very controlled and crafty or some are out of control like a runaway locomotive. By confronting the Narcissist about the problems they have they become angry because in their heart of hearts they know the person directing the confrontation is right and Narcissists love that control! I understand that N's have a "true self" and a "false self". When they behave cruelly and are mean and cold-eyed, is this the false self in a bad state or the true self screaming for help or perhaps a third self of some kind? They surely must loathe themselves for all the pain and suffering they cause. It's unnecessary and gratuitous, and it makes one wonder if they know what "self" they are even in when they do it. Seems to me they are in a crumbling state of some kind when they do it. They push away the very people who might help them.