What are the 4 Rs?

Answer 1

The Four 4 Rs of Effective Discipline

by Myra Turner

13 Sep 2006 09:48 AM

We're all familiar with the three R's -- reading, 'riting and 'arithmetic-- but have you heard about the four R's? If you are a parent looking for an effective discipline technique (and let's face it, aren't we all?) then you might want to consider the 4-R Strategy developed by parenting guru Dr. Michele Borba, author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids.

Purpose-driven discipline is what she calls it and as she explains, parents have to set limits and consequences for behavior that in turn drives the lesson home. The 4 R's are: Respond, Review, Reflect and Right the Wrong.

Here's how it works. Suppose your son is playing with a neighbor or sibling. Everything is going fine until he decides he does not want the other child playing with a toy so he grabs the toy from the child which in turn causes the other child to burst into tears. Following the 4-R strategy you would first, respond to the situation. In a calm voice, ask your child to think about his actions asking a question such as, "Why did you take the truck from Jimmy?

Next, you want to review with your child why the behavior is wrong. For example, talk about why sharing your toys is a good thing.

Then reflect on the behavior's effect, in this case how it makes the other child feel. You can also ask your child how he would feel if someone took a toy from him while he was playing with it.

And finally, move on to right the wrong. Ask your child how he can remedy the situation. In this case, he could return the toy, apologize and/or give the child a hug.

Dr. Borba also recommends that parents shower their baby with love and attention but also cautions that we should demand respect from the start as they enter toddlerhood. Kids aren't born with a conscience and therefore really are not able to know the difference between right and wrong, Dr. Borba points out. It is our jobs as parents to help them to build one by constantly "articulating right from wrong and to model appropriate behavior".

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The 4 R's

In order to create a more productive and sustainable community of youth, we incorporate rigor, relevance, relationship, and 100% responsibility in all that we do.

Rigor

Hard work is a precious and sometimes painful gift to deliver. But it builds ownership, it lets us know that we are capable, that we are strong of mind, and that we are needed. At the end of every program day, we want our youth interns to be tired, dirty, and deeply satisfied.

Relevance

Our work is incredibly meaningful to our youth interns. That's what makes it relevant to them. Our interns realize that if they don't work then somebody will eat less or poorly because of them. People are counting on our youth. The community needs them. This realization is powerful to anybody, especially to a young person.

Relationship

Building community means building relationships. Through The Food Initiative, we gather youth and adults from diverse backgrounds to be together, to listen to each other, to work side by side, and to cultivate a culture that is based upon cooperation, mutual respect, and understanding. We're building friendships and relationships that will empower these young people for the rest of their lives.

100% Responsibility

In all of our programs, we position our youth to shoulder the greatest amount of responsibility. Our youth do the work. They learn to lead. They learn to set goals and to evaluate themselves. They learn to manage their time and their money. They learn to take full responsibility for the tasks assigned to them and to step into whatever is necessary to accomplish the larger goals set by themselves and their peers.

Responsibility also works on an emotional level. Our conversations and weekly evaluation sessions (called Straight Talk) invite our youth to become more self-aware about themselves, their feelings, and the ways in which they interact with one another. We create a safe space where our youth learn to take full responsibility for their words and actions. We celebrate victories and accomplishments and we also learn to share and approach our challenges in a way that's honest and productive.