Parenting and Children

What are the options for an expectant mother whose stepchild continues to act out feelings of resentment after four years?


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2011-09-13 21:00:19
2011-09-13 21:00:19

I had a step-mum and loved her, but i had a best firend who didnt like theirs, epecially when she was expecting a new baby. She felt that everyone would be more occupied with the baby and forget her. Or her dad would love the baby more because its with the partner he really loves.

My advice is: Go out goether, just you and him/her, and spend some time together.

Or spend time as a whole family(:

I hope that helped.. a little..

AnswerHopefully, as long as you are kind and fair to the chil they will grow out of it, but in the mean time, be as nice and loving as you can. AnswerMy advise is just sit the child and your hubby down together and calmly ask them if they are aware of your feelings. Do not accuse or blame either of them. Explain that you are expecting and hormones rage and you need their help in you and your new baby need and want to be accepted. If your hubby is defensive on the part of his child, remind him you are carrying his other child. He and his current child are not to feel threatened by you and the new baby. Most children really don't want to hurt people and if the child's mom left and you are there for 4 years, there may be some testing to make sure you are not gonna leave as well. Reassure them you love them and you are not leaving no matter how hard it gets sometimes, they want mom but mom doesn't want them, that is devestating to a child. I have been a step mom for 15 long years. It is wonderful when you finally find a way to reach them and let them trust you. They key is not to blame, or accuse the child and to always be honest about situations where you and the child are without dad and the child tries to upset you, don't react until both of you are in front of dad and then ask the child why they did the thing that makes you feel they are sabatoging you. On the spot dad will see if its you or her. some times i was the cause, unknowingly until i listened to our son. Blended familys are rewarding and trying. AnswerWhat wonderful advice from the above stepmom...your children (step and birth) are very fortunate to have you! It is so difficult to be a step-parent. Sometimes it seems that a child will resent you no matter how well the situation is handled. Combine that with a pregnancy and it can become a very delicate situation. The whole thing was put into perspective for me when a then expectant mother asked me to imagine if I were married and my husband had explained to me that another woman would soon be coming to live with us! She would be his 'wife' also, and while he would not love me any less, he would love the new addition just as much and he hoped that she and I would become friends! Magnify your reactions by about 100 - children are supposedly much less rational than adults- and you can begin to get some idea of how your stepchild feels about this new baby without even considering the existing resentments. I do agree that your husband needs to be aware of the situation and that it needs to be dealt with honestly and compassionately - you deserve respect and consideration just as much as your husband, children and step-children do. Good luck!

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