What can you do if you and your spouse are in couple's therapy but your 18-year-old daughter has seen how unhappy you've been and refuses to talk to him and actually hates him?

Answer 1

It's possible that your daughter is suffereing from her own issues due to this. I am assuming that by "him" you mean your husband and her father? Children pick up cues on how to behave from their parents, even subtle behaviours like not talking when something bothers them. Perhaps she doesnt feel as though her feelings will not be respected by him/you? Has he tried telling her that her opinion matters to him and he would like to know why she is so angry so that they can fix it together? Whoever talks to her needs to make sure she knows they are interested in what she thinks and feels in a respectful caring manner. Perhaps sharing some of their own feelings with her will help her in case she is feeling vulnerable. There is a fine line involved when sharing feelings with a child too, perhaps she has been led to feel responsible for some one else's (mother?)happiness or has been put in the position of being therapist or a listening ear to one of you and may feel that acting any other way is a betrayal of that. It is very important that parents not cross that line when sharing feelings with their children. Even if she comes to that conclusion on her own, she needs to be made aware that it is not her responsibility to side with one or the other of you.