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Answered 2012-01-19 23:43:52

It's tricky, but you do this, in short. Get close to these people that N lied about you to. Don't ask them right away about what N said about you-just know that there were lies spread. These people are your friends, so let them be that for a while. Be your sweet self, and once they are feeling confused by the lies they heard, they will open up to you and ask you. Once you hear the lie, tell them the truth. If you have any solid evidence or witnesses against the lie, tell your friend about this. Then rack your brain for something that the N has told you about this person that probably, in hindsight, wasn't true. The N NO DOUBT badmouthed this person to you, because that is all they do. When this person hears the terrible lie told about them, they may start to see the N for what he is. Maybe not right away. That's ok. Don't focus on it. Move on, being friends and being normal. This will happen over and over again. Remain calm, repeat the tactic. You will soon start to see a circle of people who are all annoyed with the N. If you want to get dirty, you might have to dig around. Call a "friend" of theirs, faking concern for the N. Say that they aren't making much sense, acting mean and distant towards everyone, and "accidentaly" slip in something nasty about this friend that N had said to you. If they want to, they will join in the bashing fest with you. If they are taking the side of the N, they will not take the bait and you can move on.

In my experience, everyone in the life of my N mother-in-law was fed up with her. But we never compared notes. She was very good at keeping all of us apart with her lies. Once I was fed up and her sister was fed up, we happened to cross paths and compare notes. That was all it took to see that she treats everyone in her life terribly and it wasn't our fault. We all cut her out of our lives, and she has been very alone. I have no idea what poor soul she found to torture, I can only hope she hasn't bought a pet. You have to walk a fine line between being evil yourself and defending yourself. U don't want to fall into the trap of defending yourself more than once, otherwise the N is controlling you again. Do it once for your own closure, and then ignore the N. That will make them the most crazy!

  • My ex narcissist told all sorts of fantastic lies about me after I kicked him out. He even told some folks that I was mentally ill! Ha! Some of them may have believed him, especially the other folks he has managed to con. I don't care! He has no real friends, this I know. They are only sources of supply. They are as clueless about him as I once was. Your family and friends know you. Trust that they wouldn't accept someones low opinions. If you are confronted with a lie, smile and say sweetly "Oh, that's interesting", and then drop it. If you show any reaction that person may take it back to the Narcissist and he will surely gloat about it. Don't give him the satisfaction!
  • Keep your dignity. You know who you are. Walk with your head held high and your demeanor, calm and assured. You can think of a statement to tell your friends and family - one that is simple, to the point, and makes it clear that he is not who he appears to be, and that you conducted yourself honorably (if you feel you can say that)... just something brief that reflects your self-esteem and health. They will figure out the rest. Best wishes & an end to troubles,
  • Here's a quick tip to make your life a whole lot simpler. Anyone, be it family, spouse or friend that believes gossip without discussing it with the person that the gossip is about is not worth having around! I was married when I was 22 to a mentally/physically abusive man and some of the very friends that told me to leave him because of the abuse I was taking turned on me when I did. I heard lots of gossip about me (untrue), but I forged ahead into a new life and I have always remained true to myself without expecting total perfection in myself. You did nothing wrong, stand fast on your feet and get away from this Narcissist and if family and friends want to believe his nonsense then so be it and move on. Rule of thumb ... When one hears gossip about a person that seems to be nice then be wise enough to get to know that person and make your own judgment of them. If you don't you could miss out on some very nice people that could enrich your life.
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