What do you do when your wife dies from breast cancer?

Answer 1

I am a woman so I can only speak as a wife who would never leave a dying husband. I am familiar with the "never say never" adage but have remained committed to a dying mother followed by a dying father and was never tempted to "run".

If you're a narcissist this impending death is your signal to find the pleasure that life has denied you. Your dying wife will have to find someone else for emotional support since she won't be any good to you anymore. Now there's an even playing field. The inconvenience of having a responsibility that is emotionally uncomfortable wasn't what you had in mind during the "repeating of the vows". She already knows your biding your time until she kicks and if she hangs around too long you'll use your opportunist skills to find just the right time to exit.

No matter the marital situation at the time of diagnosis it is immoral and inhuman to abandon a spouse emotionally when they are looking dead in the eyes of death. Pun intended. Death is scary without love. All hope is gone without love. Just take a moment to think about hope. It's always there till the end and when there's love we're able to trust enough to let it go.

Presence and touch. Soft words and gentle kisses to her forehead or cheek (frequently). A spoon to her mouth with broth. Lying beside her whether in the marital bed (no matter how long its' been marital) or a hospital bed. Brushing her hair and stroking her arm. Holding her hand. Sharing your feelings about those hallmark moments in your lives together. The births of your children, your vacations, the picnic at the lake and yes, the Super Bowl Sundays. This (and more) would be the wish list of the dying woman.

Those of you who are not in love might try pretending to be. You'd be amazed what a dying woman will believe.

Those of you who love your wife need no advice. Just do what she knows has always meant you love her. She knows you love her anyway and wants more than anything to die so you won't suffer.

Just don't give in. It's a brutal time but being fully there is the noble thing to do. Check the literature. There's a lot to be said for dying a noble man.

Answer 2

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