What kind of things do verbally abusive men say to?

Answer 1

The more intelligent ones are sneakier about it. They may start off by saying, "You know you could have done that better, but you always do things half-assed. Why?" That statement sounds harmless because you feel the abusive partner may care if you succeed or not, but truthfully many can be jealous of the insight you may have (such as getting more education, changing careers, even raising children and the abusive mate has heard a compliment about you.) Happy and confident couples encourage each other and don't undermine their partner. Here are a few, but there are so many given different individuals:

Why don't you look like him/her? You're fat, do something about it! Why take the extra courses in college, you'll never make the grade! You're a lousy mother/father. You can't cook and I'm not eating this slop! Why can't you look like your friend? If you don't smarten up I'm leaving! No, you can't buy that? I don't like that dress on you, change into something else? I'll do the ordering! (If in a restaurant or bar.) I can always replace you! What man would want you, just look at yourself? (and you could look just fine.) If you think you can leave me remember, everything we own is mine! You'll never make it out there. You aren't smart enough to hold down that job so I wouldn't waste your time. My friends think you're a slob and a rotten wife/girlfriend. (The friends may have said nothing.)

Abusers want to take away your character and credibility. It's a way to control you. Some male abusers will even go so far as to alienate their victim from family and friends and also may take away the use of the car or make you sell your own car. I had a cousin that was married to an abusive man and he forced her to sell her car. It just got worse and it ended up where he almost succeeded in throwing her out of a 7th floor window in their apartment. After she left him (with the help of her grown son) she made the bad mistake of writing him and asking him to send the rest of her clothes and all her craft materials (she was a wonderful cross-stitcher and her work was worth a lot of money.) He complied and sent all she asked, but everything he sent her was shredded by a knife and anything breakable was broken.

Abusers need that control and if the person is fortunate to escape this hell the abuser can often become enraged and will do anything to make their victim suffer because they are angry they no longer have control over her/him.

I would like to add that men also can be abused. Most men are brought up to not hit women and don't think for a minute most women don't know this. Some women can hit, slap, throw things at their mate, use vulgar language and do physical damage that you wouldn't believe. I've known a couple in my lifetime. Men can receive black eyes, broken noses, bruising, cracked or broken bones. As a society we are brought up to realize the male as physically stronger than a woman, but what is a man to do if a woman comes at him like a deranged wounded grizzly. He doesn't want to hit her so often he'll take the abuse. Women who abuse men aren't that fussy where there are at if she decides to verbally abuse him and will often create an embarrassing situation while out at a party or visiting friends. He can't talk to his friends because he feels too embarrassed and probably his buddies would have little good advice to give him and tell him to smarten up and let her have it. The man is stuck! Things are changing and there are now programs for Abused Men.

The way to tell if a person is being slightly abused or badly abused isn't all that hard to define and a psychologist told me this: If the person you are with (husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend/family member or just a friend makes you feel incompetent, unhappy and guilty more often than not then it's time to move on. Even if they have not hit you, but verbally pulled you down to a point you are very unhappy and lack confidence it's time to get away from them. Reserve your energy for yourself and NEVER lose your self confidence or the lack of knowing your own strengths.

Answer 2

Anything that makes you feel useless, worthless, dependent on him, ugly, fat, undesirable, etc. Any name calling or verbal threats is abuse. There's a long list. I got out of a 7 year long verbally abusive and controlling marriage 2 1/2 yrs ago. Aside from the name calling like "You're an *sshole, pr*ck, stupid, c*nt, ugly, lazy, useless, etc"...he would say things like "You're nothing without me", "You'd have nothing if it wasn't for me" to try to make me feel dependent on him (mental control and abuse). I was an at home mom and he capitalized on that (and called me lazy...HA!) I felt like I was those names he called me after a while, and i felt trapped, and terrified....I spoke to a domestic violence counselor and she was great...now 2 1/2 years later I still deal with his nonsense to a degree (as we have kids in common, problems with him paying child support, and a divorce that's taking forever)...but it's so different now...I'm stronger, I know his words are downright ridiculous, and I just hang up on him if he starts his stuff! Now his words are just merely annoying when he gets a bug in his *ss n calls to pick a fight...but there's always my best friend CLICK! Good luck!