What should I do about feeling guilty for being attracted to another man other than my husband who has told me he is very attracted to me too he is also married?

Answer 1

Stop feeling guilty. What a waste of emotions! This should NOT be a relationship about leaving your present mate. It should be for mutual pleasure, delight and satisfaction, and ROMANCE. Not primary relationship. You're both consenting adults. Just be smart, and don't make waves in your present relationships. Set up the rules in advance; NO STRINGS!! Enjoy each other. And pack away those claws and hooks of yours in the closet.

This suggestion is directed to emotionally stable adults, who are able to keep their agreements and who can respect boundaries. If one person in this team is emotionally unstable, there is a high risk that this person will at some point flip on you. Without being sexist about it, I do believe--in general--men tend to be somewhat better equipped at pulling off something like this without "rocking the boat" emotionally than women, although I am sure one could always find exceptions.

Who was it that said, "A woman can fake an orgasm. A man can fake an entire relationship!" There's also a further question begging to be asked in this situation: "What's the point in pursuing this?" Many times, one person begins pursuing this to settle some emotional tension or fill some vacuum, such as searching for something outside of the marriage that they find missing in the marriage. And at some point, little slips are made...tiny clues that telegraph to the unknowing spouse that something is awry. Sometimes this is purposeful. The philanderer actually wants to get caught. We don't always know whether these are totally accidental, or calculated to achieve a result.

And if someone is operating on you in this way, then there's only one thing you should do about it: GET OUT NOW, while the gettin's good. Sometimes extramarital affairs have an unexpected result--there's a lack of intimate communication. How do you know your spouse is not having exactly the same feelings as you? Perhaps the same vacuum you are trying to fill is also perceived on the other side as well.

We all long for romance, and if some of that is missing in one's marriage, then we "go shopping" for it. But it's important for all concerned that you tread very very carefully.

In my own relationship, I do have occasional outside affairs. But I am fortunate to be able to keep those matters compartmentalized, and I draw very strict guidelines for doing so---NO STRINGS.

In this kind of situation, you must be prepared to get what you get, and let that be it. You get something you like, and then you want to up the ante for increased excitement, or danger, or freedom, or whatever... You must be able and emotionally mature enough to be comfortable with limitations, and in doing so, know how to not lose the passion in the process. But guilty? Stop that now!