What should you do when you just found out that your husband has been cheating on you for 4 years and has a child with the other woman?

Answer 1

I am so sorry you are going through this and can imagine what a shock this is for you. I am sure you have been suspicious of your husband a few times in those 4 years, but, I doubt you ever thought he had children you didn't know about. We take our marriage vows and they are there for a reason and it's just not the religious concept "before the eyes of God", but also to each other. Your husband has forgotten about those vows and has deeply hurt you not to mention disrespecting your feelings. You can do one of two things: If he's been good to you, you feel he's made a mistake and was too chicken to own up to cheating and he isn't seeing this woman any longer but hanging around because of the child, then you have the control of forgiving him. However, realize that he should be paying child support and that can put pressure on your finances in your marriage. Or, you can walk right out of the marriage and file for divorce. I wouldn't blame you. As much as it hurts you this man has been cheating for 4 years! Now he has a child. He should have been thinking of the both of you and the working towards a future for the both of you. To cheat on the person you are suppose to love is the lowest and most unforgiveable thing you can do. If people fall out of love or don't get along the honest thing is to at least get a separation to decide if you want a divorce. Sometimes during a separation people mature more and they may get back together. In your case, it's obvious he has broken your heart so how could you ever trust him again. My own opinion is, I would kick his butt out that door! Get a separation and give yourself time to decide if you want a divorce or not (give it at least 6 months) or, if he says he loves this other woman, file for divorce right away. I would see a lawyer first to see what your rights are regarding material things such as a house, furniture and if you should be paid anything (if you aren't working) and custody of any children and of course child support. Good luck hon Marcy It's a personal decision. Some factors to consider: 1. Are you both committed to each other? 2. Can you live with the other woman and the child in your life (even if you don't want to, the child will continue to be part of the mix). 3. He may be obligated to pay child support. How will that financially impact your lives? 4. Your ages. If you are young, starting over is easier (not that any of this is easy), than if you have invested many years in the relationship. 5. Are you willing/ able to go through counseling? 6. Is this the last straw or the first?