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If you're writing a card or note, it's appropriate to offer your words of sadness, and if you know the individual, to share some personal warm memory you may have about the individual.

It would not be appropriate to write a condolence type card before the individual has died.

Try to steer clear of the trite and overused phrases such as: You're in my thoughts and prayers. If you are close enough to the family to write, then be close enough to make your card personal. Otherwise, your intentions may be misunderstood.

All too often we want to say something - anything - to express our sadness at what a friend is experiencing. But consider using the most powerful expression of all - an embrace. No words. Just a simple embrace. More can be said in that embrace than any written words ever could.

If you are quite a distance from the family you wish to write, consider using one of the cookie delivery services, Mrs Fields., etc. Make your card simple: Just to let you know that we're here should you need us.

We all share in the same humanity of life and death. But we can deal with this reality quite differently.

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Q: What to say to a cancer's patient family?
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