What year were clothes invented?

Answer 1

We in the pre-history department of the University of the Improbable have narrowed it down to... year zero. It's difficult from a mathematical perspective as well, but since the question requires a year, and clothes and people both came about before they started counting years (Jim, who sits in the cubicle across from me, thinks that clothes came before people... but hey, how likely is that? He is thinking plants/furs=clothing, when actually I hypothesize that even back then, some special arrangement of such was necessary.) ... at least according to the current calendar... that is the only possible answer. We may be wrong though, because people back then spoke a different language, and we are unable to determine for certain what the term for "year" was... if the word was zraggen (well it is impossible to actually type it with this keyboard, but "zraggen" is the closest phonetic match that I can imagine), then it is possible that people didn't catch on to body covering for quite a while... something like 918 zraggen. But then again, that's one of the reasons that Jim doesn't think that zraggen means year... some of the references are to certain people being 832 zraggen, etc... and no one lives that long. At least now, and we are inferring that nutrition was worse back then. Of course all of this is hypothetical, and Jim has this absurd theory that zraggen actually means kumquat (okay, not completely absurd... some cycle of the kumquat tree that might also be a calculation of time... but still: "kumquat"??) Anyway, so even if he is right, we have no idea what the cycle equals out to, and if the word in their language was actually "moltidg" (again, closest approximation), which I sort of doubt, but have absolutely no evidence for excluding... just a gut feeling... then clothes were invented exactly the same day as people... just later in the afternoon. And since no historian worth his salt would be able to give you an exact year of when people showed up (the ancient writings are hotly contested on this subject)... year zero seems pretty safe. Of course, all the years up till now would have to be re-numbered to adjust for our theory... but anything else just doesn't make sense. Human history should start with humans, right? Not go back into negative numbers.