Who invented the hangover?

Answer 1

And for a serious side, and the truth, I know, I was there.

Millions an millions of years ago, animals would eat fermented fruit from the ground and the trees in late fall, over indulgent appetites ended in the vaulted hangover, all manner of animals practice this autumn ritual, but it was the animal that is closest to the human to pass this knowledge along to the human race, who by the way have elevated it to an art form that we see today. The answer to your question is........BOZO! (his ancestors actually)

Blarg. In the days before recorded history began, there was a tribe of inventive people. Blarg was big, tough, short on words, and very long on brutality. His dominance of the other people of the tribe created major division between himself and the others. Since Blarg had so thoroughly reduced the tribe to trembling subjugation, he thought it odd that a couple of the men obeyed but did not seem especially scared of him. One day, just for fun, he trailed one of those less fearful members of the tribe to see what it was that made the man seem so complacent. What he found out was most interesting. Ogg, the man whom Blarg followed, sauntered over to a wild grape vine and started harvesting the fruit off the ground, not off the vine. While he was picking up the mangled grapes, he was eating the worst of them. Since even Blarg knew that one got the really great grapes and not the ones off the ground, he was intrigued. Ogg ate about half a pound of the ruined grapes, put the others in his handbag (a recent invention) and left...smiling and slightly staggering. It took Blarg a moment, but he figured that if Ogg did this strange action then maybe he knew something that Blarg didn't. Since Blarg was very territorial, it angered him that someone else knew something that he didn't. He immediately went to the fallen fruit and started eating it. Whew! Was it nasty! But a very strange thing started to happen...he got light-headed. It was an odd sensation and not unpleasant. Our fearless leader was also not known for his moderation. As he felt the sensation, he thought it was wonderful and kept eating the spoiled grapes. When there were no more grapes to be had on the ground, he staggered off to find another vine. Since the area was known for its abundant grape vines, he had no trouble finding more of the ruined grapes and quickly became very drunk. When he opened his eyes, he found that they refused to focus. Being determined, he tried to stand, but quickly found that his legs refused to hold him upright. In this state of inebriation he simply decided to lie down and go to sleep. The tribe found him later that day under a very cleanly cleared grape vine. They checked him over to see if he was injured, but could see no signs of any evident harm. The loud snoring was merely a sign of a good meal in their opinion, so they picked him up and carried him back to camp. This was a well intentioned action but a huge mistake. Blarg eventually woke up. He crawled toward the center of the clearing, mainly because his head felt as if it would explode if he tried to stand up. Every movement was excruciating, every sound sent stabbing pains through his skull. He was miserable, and a miserable Blarg was something to be feared. This was all their fault, the whole tribe was torturing him and he would not stand for this, he took in a deep breath to scream out his anger. The women (and Gronk) were preparing the days meal. The greasy odours were all around and no sooner than the smell of cooking reached Blargs nostrils, his stomach reacted with powerful heaves. The intended scream of retribution issued forth as though from a strangled dodo bird. The unpleasant residue of his eating binge came forth in wave after wave of nausea. Blarg thought he was going to die. When at last his stomach subsided, he just lay there limply, listening to the howling laughter and cursing Ogg. It never occurred to him that Ogg had not eaten nearly as many grapes as he had...but when he got over this evil occurrence.....someone would pay. Several days later, Blarg beat Ogg unmercifully. Bologna History:

The Lighter Side of History

(Which is to say some historical fact and a whole lot of bologna) Editors note:

While the Society for Uptight and Really, Really, Serious Historians can not testify to the veracity of the above two accounts as they involve prehistorical accounts and S.U.R.R.S.H. only deals with historical accounts, they have asked the editors to warn readers upfront that the following answer is made by a contributor who very well may be, at the very least, daffy. For this reason, and because we are too busy too keep up with his nonsense, we warn readers upfront to take his words with a grain of salt and Wikianswers does not in any way endorse or claim responsibility for the opinions promulgated by this answer. The hangover was invented by Mrs. Sally Forthright who was married to the drunken bum Mr. Samuel Dowrong during the Sixteenth century in Somwheresville Someplaceoranother. Mrs. Forthright, tired of her husbands drunken nonsense decided that there must be a way to invent some technology that would at the very least, make her husband regret his actions. So, she set about researching the situation, contacting the three witches from Macbeth, hanging out with Hecata or whatever her name was and interviewing many of the blood letting, leaching doctors of that day. One day, while gathering berries in the woods, while her husband slept through the day, she encountered a strange and terrifying gnome.

She was, of course, startled by this gnomes appearance and jumped back and called upon the great witch Heceta or whatever her name is, but the gnome giggled and told Mrs. Forthright not to waste her time as the gnomes appearance was due to her efforts to invent some technology that would make her husband regret. This interested Sally Forthright very much and she put her basket of berries down and listened intently while the gnome explained the mechanics and properties of alcohol and explained that the fermentation process needed more sugar. Sally rolled her eyes and said that sugar was what her husband was always demanding from her. The gnome giggled knowingly and explained that sugar combined with the natural fermentation of fruits and vegetables would add the necessary toxins to make the drinks Mr. Dowrong drank leave him with a feeling of general unease for several days. That night, while Mr. Dowrong was out and about dilly dallying with the farm girls in the village near by, Mrs. Forthright mixed the sugar she had bought from the local Seven and Nine with the whiskey Mr. Dowrong so loved to drink. When he got home that night, he demanded his whiskey and Mrs. Forthright obediently brought his toxic whiskey to him and watched him carefully as he drank all night until he passed out. The next morning while Mrs. Forthright was doing laundry, she heard this horrible moan come from the bedroom and a little later Mr. Doright stumbled out of the bedroom and half limped half ran to the outhouse and wretched and wretched and wretched as Mrs. Forthright smiled pleased with her actions. But after a while, she began to get nervous as her husband had not come back from the outhouse. She went outside and called to her husband still inside the outhouse and called his name: "Samuel? Samuel Dowrong, just what in heavens name are you doing in there?" He growled in pain: "Leave me alone woman I am wretching." "I know you are wretched, I asked you what you were doing! What is going on with that head of yours?" "It's hungover the toilet, woman what do you think?" This is how Mrs. Forthright came to name her new technology of sugar added to alcohol, the hangover.