Why are batterers that way?

Answer 1

Abusive individuals (can be man/woman) usually they have learned this behavior in their family environment. There are perhaps abusive parents (generally the father, but some mothers can be abusive as well.) Then there are some abusers that were brought up in a good family, but somewhere out in society the abuser has become discontent with themselves and feels the world owes them a living. They become introverted in some cases, nasty, mean, but also can be like chameleons and fool some people into thinking they are the greatest person on the face of the earth. Example: We have a town Mayor I never liked (unlike me to feel that way) but there was a gut instinct about this guy and I knew he wasn't on the up-and-up. He wasn't in office for more than a few months when he was up on charges of abuse towards his wife. Since this was the first time anyone had heard anything bad about the Mayor some of the community sided with him and I always feel you need both sides of a story. After that things just seems to subside and everything was quiet (didn't surprise me because people in office either pay their way out of things or keep it hush-hush because of bad publicity.) Well, a month ago he was up on 1 count of abuse to his wife; another count of harassing, threatening and stalking his girlfriend (not the first time) and 5 counts of refusing to appear in court! This said a lot about the character of our Mayor and he was arrogant enough to think that his personal life had nothing to do with being Mayor and he was beyong the law! When you are holding an important position anywhere you should keep a tight curb on your personal life because it reflects on who you are. He also thought he had done nothing wrong and that after serving a short period of time in jail and possibly some "house arrest" he'll come back as acting Mayor and move on. No way! We don't want him as Mayor and find him to be arrogant, he has been deemed an alcoholic and it's apparent this man has needed some counseling for a very long time. They can't fire him from City Hall, but the City Hall Counsel made a statement in our local news that they will not honor him as Mayor and that means they won't back him on any events going on in the community so he has no power and will have to leave. I told you the above story to show you that abuse comes from the powerful as well as the working Joe, that abusers are arrogant and feel they can get away with anything. They act like their wife, children, right down to the family pet is their property to do with as they so choose and it's no one else's business and "no big deal." Slavery went out of the window in Western countries decades ago! Abusers are masterful at making the victim feel loved at first, then slowly the abuser starts to get their own way or order their victim around in small ways such as ordering for them out in a public restaurant, how to think and what clothes to wear when they go out to a special event. Abusers slowly weave their web of brain-washing and will generally isolate their victim from their family and friends which gives the abuser much more control. They will take away the independence of the victim and are crafty enough to have the victim believe they are At Fault and end up with no dignity or self confidence left. Abuse can happen in the rich/powerful/poor and in any race. There are Abuse Centers all over the U.S. and Canada and all you have to do is make up your mind to leave your abuser and then phone the Abuse Center and they will not only help you, but provide excellent programs to unscramble what the abuser has scrambled in the victim's brain. They help get the victim back their independence, dignity, make them realize they don't have to put up with abuse, when to spot abuse and not to go back to an abusive situation or choose another mate who is abusive because of lack of self esteem or simply being used to being ordered around and told what to do. Each individual has control control of themselves and this includes the victims of abuse. One is stronger than they think!