Why are you afraid of talking to your parents?

Answer 1

because they are your parentsyou have to talk to them otherwise what would be the point in living in the same house as them

Answer 2

Parents are the primary authority in a child / teen's life. Parents' word usually is unchangeable, set in stone. Many children do not learn how to logically present their "case". In fact, this is usually regarded as arguing, "talking back", and questioning the parents' authority. Parents don't condone talking back, yet parents also don't support their children / teenagers to develop the process of evaluating legitimate points and presenting their ideas or feelings in a way that produces mutual understanding. Parents can inadvertently produce kids who don't know how to speak up on their own behalf, who are too afraid to even speak to authority figures, and kids who fear being punished for just speaking about any topic.

Before attempting to present a different viewpoint from your parents, first learn how to simply talk to them about everyday topics that do not challenge their authority. Discussing your opinions and ideas about outside topics can show your parents how you think, and allow you to see more about how they think. Asking your parents questions about how they make decisions or form their opinions can also let you state how you make your opinions and decisions. For example, let's say your city has made a rule that garbage cans must be put back near your house within 12 hours of the garbage men picking up garbage. Or if you live in an apartment building, that no one can have a door mat outside their doors in a public hallway. Use a non-threatening topic to express your opinions and ask your parents their opinions. Ask them how they would go about disagreeing with a public ruling or law.

As well, learn to just talk to them about everyday life. What happened today, how it felt, what you thought, and switch to hearing about your parents' day and their thoughts and feelings. Learn to listen to them as you hope they listen to you--with interest, concern, curiosity, and feedback.

When you feel you have a concern that could be seen as challenging their authority, try to pick only one point to address at first. Think of how your parent might respond, and one good opposing idea or reason they might agree with, rather than saying every reason you can think of at the same time. If they say No, listen to why they picked No. Ask about their reasons, NOT as whining or arguing but because you really are interested in hearing their opinion. Learn to say, "I'm disappointed that you said no, but I respect you as my mom/dad." As you practice this new style, you can add, "Is there anything that might change your mind?" Even if they say No right away, they will start thinking about what if anything could change their mind about this decision. If you bring it up again -- later -- you could start off by saying, "Could we talk again about whether I can (go to the mall on Saturdays; have a sleepover; go to a concert--whatever the subject)? I know you said nothing would change your mind, but I wonder if you might reconsider? I'm keeping my grades up, doing my chores, helping with my brother/sister...would I be able to do anything differently that would help change your mind?"

You might not get what you want or hope for right away. But you're building skills to talk to adults and to negotiate with them. Your parents will see you whining and complaining less, and more able to talk over problems. I'm not saying this is easy to do in the moment. But considering you're afraid now to even talk to your parents, trying these ideas might at least get talking started between you and them.