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Why people talk bad about meI've wondered the same thing, and couldn't figure out why. But I've found an answer that has given me some peace, and helped me to prevent talking bad about others.

Here's what I found: There are three general motives behind people talking bad about another person. 1. They're talking with someone to solve a problem they're having with the individual, but lack the skill to do it in a kind way. 2. They want to discredit the other person, or cause harm to the other person. Their motive is to hurt, or they feel they must defend themselves from hurt, so they hurt first. 3. They want to be accepted, so they find common humor, evil, etc. to talk about to make themselves feel better.

The first group: They talk about the problem, may go into detail, may exagerate a little, but their motive is mainly to get an idea of how to solve the problem, and not to hurt the other person. They may talk innapropriately, or in a way that may leave a negative light on the person they're talking about, but its not hateful.

The second group: People who talk bad about another person to cause harm: They seem to feel like you have some major impact in their life, and they are scared of you. For example, a friend who feels like her life is determined by how much boys like her will often bad mouth another girl who the boys like more than her - or that she thinks they like more than her. She does this because she feels like she must manipulate the people around her to stay safe. If she took responsibility for her own actions, and her own ability to change, to act, she wouldn't feel so threatened by other people. So usually, people who talk maliciously are really very terrified people. They feel they must manipulate the people around them to be safe. They don't start by changing their own actions and choosing how they feel, they let life around them tell them who they are. Its a very threatened place to live.

Third group:

They people are a combination of the two catagories above. They talk about others because they have nothing better to do. They just talk without considering the people or friendships that will be damaged, its just entertainment.

Bottom line, I found that the more someone is trying to harm and manipulate, usually the more sensitive and insecure that person is on the inside, so much so that they feel the need to control everyone around them to keep their lives stable.

When I find myself talking about someone, I ask myself - if this person were listening to me talk, would I feel honest and respectful of that person, even if what I'm saying is negative? That's my check.

Good luck.

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โˆ™ 2011-10-20 17:23:44
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Q: Why do people talk bad about others?
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