Breaking up with anyone, whether it be a boyfriend or a husband
of 25 years, is indeed a loss, and normal trauma dealing with such
is likely to occur. However, if you feel sad or even remorseful for
leaving someone in such poor psycological condition, then you are
probably a "nice" person, and have your own [desirable] behavioral
patterns of normally wanting to help, see the good, etc... This is
perhaps even why your N chose you to draw narcissistic supply from
in the first place! Your empathy for a character such as the
Narcissist are natural, as you want to nuture and love a bird with
a broken wing. However, your efforts will be futile, and this is a
good time to excersize your grace and elegance and just leave your
compassion behind you.
So.. here�s my guess. 1. Even if you didn�t get love � you were
giving it�. Loads of it.. so there�s a way that the time you spent
with your N was sort of� well .. it vaguely reminds you of love. 2.
After all that time with that person making you feel like crap�like
they were the best thing that ever happened to you.. like you would
be nothing without them.. you probably internalized a lot of that.
3. When that true face comes out to play.. it�s ground shifting..
makes you question who you were (and who you were with) all that
time. 4. And also... they are really terrifying! Some of that's
just (very apprpriate) fear. I just made that break (after so many
times of feeling bad and not). There is good news over here.. it is
I left my N. and I felt so guilty for months. I felt like I was
deserting him even though he "needed" me. He was such a miserable
and depressed person and I knew that if I let, his life would be
10x worse. I struggled with feeling that way for awhile..then I
realized, he wanted me to be MISERABLE so he could be LESS
MISERABLE (cuz he has been miserable 24/7 since the day i met him
10 years ago - he's just good at hiding it). It was either die so
he could live or the other way around.