Why does it take so long to move on from a narcissistic ex boyfriend of 5yrs. It has been 15 months and still hurts like the day I left. I never got closure and it plays over and over in my mind?

Answer 1

My guess is that you are having trouble getting over him because you are in shock that he turned out to be a fraud and are hanging on to the good times. When these types of men are good they are so very very good. They know how to be the man of your dreams, to make you feel like they totally adore you and accept you as you are. The truth is they are extremely critical and intolerant of flaws, but just hide this character trait in the beginning. When we begin to see the flags, be it months or even a year later, we keep going back to the better times and wanting to believe that is really who he is. It's the worst kind of abuse because these men totally take advantage of our love without any regard for our feelings. As I'm sure you know, they have no empathy. I think you are still involved in that struggle between instinctively knowing you are better off without your ex, but still hoping he will change and it can work out. Who wants to believe they spent so much time with a man so selfish and incapable of love.

I now realize I have dated a few toxic narcissists, though it was the last long term relationship that set me back so. We dated 2.5 years and honestly it took me two years to move on. I now realize these types of men go for attractive women yes, but also those they see as vulnerable and insecure. You will begin to see your break up as a blessing once you build up your confidence and feel good about your life without a man in it.

Best of luck to you. New Answer- I too feel the same,i think is because the lack of empathy and how they totally cut you off with no consideration and no remorse and we just dont believe that a person can change and lose all their feelings for us so fast...Now i know why:is because those feelings werent real like we felt they have no idea what love is...