You are remembering the good times and the change in the narcissist is so sneaky that there are times when you think you are partially to blame, but you aren't! Narcissists are much like physical/verbal abusers where they use their web of deceit and then they pounce on their prey. Before the victim knows what has happened they are caught up in the web of mind boggling games, arguments and in some cases physical abuse. There is always mental abuse because the narcissist is part perfections and ego-maniacal.
No matter how bad the relationship turned out you gave up part of your life for this person and between slightly blaming yourself and wondering if you could have done something to change it, you also feel betrayed. It's tough to suddenly find you have been rejected and made to feel that you aren't worthy of this person (it's all in their own minds of course) and now that you are away from it you are going through an actual grieving process. Grieving just isn't reserved for pining over the loss of a loved one, but we can grieve over a broken relationship, losing our home to fire/flood, etc. Any trauma will force us into a grieving process.
You are strong! You're going through something very natural and things will change for the better. Consider yourself very lucky that you actually got away from this person. Once you have finished grieving you'll be out there having fun and will meet the right person.
Good luck
ANSWER
you feel sad because part of the abusers game is to lull you into a false sense of security and trust so that they can continue their con. it is this wonderful fantasy world that they provide, that induces the sadness. you think " if only they were the person that they seemed to be...." but as you know , they are definitely not. understand that most all of the love and beauty that the abuser provided was just a smoke screen to allow them to continue their game.
The futility of the attempt was painfully obvious.
utility rhymes with futility.
No. The word "futility" does not appear in the KJV bible.
This dream suggests that the dreamer's own mind is illustrating the futility of hoping for a relationship. The subconscious mind presents a literal death as a symbol of the "dead" or "nonexistent" relationship.
Trying to teach some people rules of behavior is an exercise in futility .
Dad has smoked for over thirty years and urging him to quit is an exercise in futility.
The cast of Futility - 2013 includes: Marla Weaver as Woman
pointlessness or uselessness
The cast of Of Hope and Futility - 2012 includes: Al Topich
Futility - 2013 was released on: USA: 7 January 2013 (NewFilmmakers New York)
The cast of On the Futility of Escaping from the Self - 2009 includes: Daniella Gitlin
The cast of Futility - 2006 includes: Jennifer Fantozi Lou Lentino Leslea Snyder