Why is a Narcissistic father so obsessed with his children that he can't stand to be away from them?

Answer 1

I am answering this, using my own experience so please take that in to account. My Father was a Pathological narcissist and I am the oldest of two brothers. From the moment I was born he resented my presence, of course it is normal for a young child to have 'needs' but not in the eyes of a Narcissist. My Grandparents (on my Mother's side) tried to intervene, when I used to come back 'bashed and bruised' at the age of 24 months when he would take me for walks on his own. Basically he would just watch me wander off in to danger or trouble and laugh when I would fall over or get hurt. Needless to say the intervention by my Grandparents led to them being swiftly ostrecised. My Mother was a mirror Narcissist and seemingly to her any amount of abuse was an acceptable price to be with such a man. Then when I was about 30 months old my brother arrived. From that moment on my Father took him under his wing and got great joy out of giving him all his attention while ignoring me. It seems from what I have read via many sources incling Dr. Sam Vaknin, that this is not unusual. Years later my brother proved an excellent source of Narcissistic Supply and my Father 'kept him on' while all but totally ignoring me. Narcissists love to be the centre of attention and causing pain and anguish is certainly in my experience the main way of doing it. My Fathers biggest fear is being on his own and losing my mother. Again from what I have read being abandoned is their biggest fear, so they actually believe this at some level to be inevitable, and in many ways they bring it upon themselves unless like my father they have a partner who is their polar oposite. One very helpful book I have read that may shed some light is The Narcissistic Family - Diagnosis and Treatment, which I am sure you will find on amazon or similar. The best advice I can give you which helped me survive and then go on to live a life I never knew possible is----- Get away, run away, get as far away as possible. They don't even deserve a minute of your thoughts per decade, using your energy and thinking to help yourself and leave them in their little nast world.