What should a woman consider before marrying an older man with bipolar disorder who has been married twice?
My advice to ANYONE marrying someone who has been married twice
- look hard at what caused the marriages to fail before. In almost
all cases it was a two way street, and unless there has been a lot
of change and/or counseling in the life of the potential spouse,
there isn't any reason to think the outcome will be different this
time. Please think this out. I don't think it's a good idea. The
fact he has been married twice before means he is not willing to
take a good hard look at himself and get help for his problem. It
is so true that more women seek psychiatric help than men do. Most
men feel they must, at all costs, be a man and figure their
problems out themselves (you know ... the old stiff upper lip
thing.) Marriage is tough enough, so I'd wait a bit before you
consider marriage. If you truly love him, and he's not getting help
for his problem just tell him like it is ... get help, then we will
think about marriage. Unfortunately, many people seem to believe
that they can "make it better". All this person needs is the right
loving, caring individual to help them and all of the problems will
go away. If the guy is bipolar there is good reason to be
concerned.
My advice: Run.Marriage is a wonderful union when it's with the
right person. I would advise you to be mindful of the redflags you
raised just with your question alone. The first thing being that
you already labeled him. Bipolar man. This is an illness that can
bring with it times of sweet sweet highs, and deep dark lows. Being
married to someone who is bipolar can be difficult simply because
you can't fix the hurts this illness can cause. You can't be the
one to make someone want treatment if they aren't willing to accept
they are ill. Sometimes it's hurtful to be alongside someone who is
ill and you are just going to have to ride out the highs and lows.
There are medication changes, side effects, the symptoms can be
unbearable for the one who is bipolar. So you can imagine how it
can affect the one who is loving and living the illness without
actually having been diagnosed with it. Being in love, married to,
or live with someone who is bipolar is the closest you can come to
actually having it, without having it. But to label him already,
you might need to educate yourself about what you are willing to
walk down the isle with. So that when things come up you have some
idea how to deal with what is bipolar, and what is just everyday
life. Sometimes the line is sooooo very thin, it's hard to tell. I
would also look at the flags that are raised about why he has been
married 2 times.
And when he talks about his ex wives what does he say? Does he
accept any responsibility when it comes to saying why those
marriages failed? If he doesn't I don't know if I would be so quick
to walk down the isle with him.
