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Talk about it with your partner-to-be well before hand and know that you are both sure. If there are any doubts, stop here, abstinence in a relationship is normal and "OK".

Go over your Birth Control needs and options and make sure that you have waited long enough for the choice you make to be effective. Consider talking with a friend or family member about their experiences.Use a condom no matter what other birth control arrangements have been made and regardless of what your partner-to-be tells you about his/her sexual history.

Do not be drunk, on drugs or otherwise unable to make an informed decisison, and make sure that your partner-to-be is in a decision making state.

Make sure that you care about your partner-to-be and that you are not "doing it" for reasons other than what YOU feel. Looking cool, fitting in or just wanting to lose your virginity are not good reasons to have sex.

Go somewhere comfortable, quiet, private and (preferably) nice. Choose a place where you are unlikely to be interrupted.

Don't think too much about how nervous you are, relax and take a deep breath. This should be something you WANT to do.

Spend a long time kissing and caressing your partner. This is called "foreplay" and the more there is of it, the better.

Talk to your partner, say kind, gentle and loving things. First say with words what you are about to express with your body.

As you get into it never stop listening to what your partner says and remember he/she has a right to stop no matter how far things have gone.

Slowly undress each other paying close attention to your partner's body language - are things moving too fast, or do they seem on target? If you sense any hesitation at this point you should slow down or stop.

As you kiss and start to relax listen to what your mind tells you to do, follow your instincts and your partners cues.

Enjoy what you are doing, take time to get to know your partner's body and let them get to know yours. You never get another first time or another first time together.

Before moving on to intercourse (penetration) make sure that you both still want to "go all the way", it is hard to turn back and can't be undone. Sex is not a test of love, it is a way of expressing it.

Follow your instincts and listen to your heart. By the time you are physically ready for intercourse you should be relaxed and comfortable enough to let nature take it's course.

Tips:

  • It is best if you feel deeply (and even better if you feel love) for your partner; emotionally empty sex is always a let down.
  • There is more than pregnancy to worry about when having sex, you must also think about STDs and the emotional after effects.
  • As hard as it sounds don't think too much about what it will be like, this is asking for problems, performace anxiety and disappointment.
  • Foreplay is essential as it gives you time to get used to the new feelings (both emotional and physical) that you are sure to have - don't cut it short and don't be afraid to stop at this point if you start having doubts.
  • There is no such thing as owing someone sex. You can talk about it for weeks, get the birth control handled, be "right into it" and still change your mind.

More from Answers' contributors:

  • If you have to ask you shouldn't be thinking of having sex. There is no rush and yes, there are still virgins out there (both male/female.) There is nothing embarrassing about it and they are the smart ones.
  • Knowledge is everything and you should know all about sex such as protection, what the birth control pill can do to you and your health (should you risk the factors to prevent pregnancy); sexually transmitted diseases; condoms; chances of getting pregnant without proper birth control.
  • Sex is a beautiful thing and it should be the right person and not just a quicky in a car or a boy's bedroom. Take your time an only 'fools rush in.'
  • NEVER let anyone put pressure on you to have sex! This is up to you and smart people wait until they feel they are ready.
  • This is too complicated for Answers.com. here are just too many different ways to do it! I suggest a book called Sex for Dummies, by Dr. Ruth Westheimer. It has a lot of good information even if you're not a dummy.
  • First of all there are no real 'steps' however the most important thing is that your emotionally ready! Then physically ready, take time to get to no each others bodies (what feels good etc) if it's your first time,it doesn't have to hurt If your partner 'prepares' you. When he/she touches you, what feels good don't rush it! Making sure the female is 'turned on' through soft caresses, basically when the female is 'wet' it will be easier for her before entering her start with inserting a finger, let her tell you when she's ready that way your both more likely to enjoy the experience.
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10y ago

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