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It's correct to say 'you and her'. You and her sounds more personal and connected rather then "her and you" which sounds rather rude

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In my opinion, no. Both are incorrect. The correct grammar would be "She and I" if the "you" was referring to yourself (eg She and I agree), or "you and she" if you were talking about another person to someone else (eg I saw Elsa with you the other day, you and she were going into the post office).

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