How can you tell if he is honest when he says the affair is over?

Answer 1

You can't. That is pretty much on you, as far as how much trust you have in him. Just remember, it is not your fault. He decided to go outside of your relationship, and if you want to continue, then I would suggest some relationship counseling, not only for him, but for you as well, to help you get through your issues with his infidelity. Good Luck to you. Trust yourself! Let yourself be vulnerable & willing to improve both of you in the whole relationship. Don't deny your emotion. Sure it's a contaminated mess...your mind. that is. Stop asking why! Let it go for awhile. If your gut still naggs ya then P.P.P. Plan protect PROOF. Ultimatly all these answers confuse you more. Ask yourself is his effort lifting our relationship higher? Is he putting me before his needs? Can he provide a emotional bond with me? Will he trust in you enough to be honest? LIES are just friends we haven't meet yet...

Answer 2

You sound very bitter and I can't say I blame you, but it says to me that you still have suspicions about what she is up too no matter what she says. Could you please explain in a little more detail why you feel this way such as: Is she going out at night and not letting you know where she is or is she getting phone calls and you don't know who it is or she doesn't keep her promises to you such as going somewhere together? Once someone you love cheats it takes a long time to heal and to trust them again. I don't believe that if a person cheats once it means they will cheat again. Most do, but some don't. I don't get the feeling that you feel the same about her (the same amount of love for her) and you're too bitter to continue on with this relationship. Hope to hear from you. Marcy I would say if she still has the same odd behaviours then shes cheating. If a person stops cheating then obviously certain behaviours would end. Stephanie Well we have been dating for about 3 years and living together and the last year or so we fell apart because we took each other for granted, me mostly. She moved to another town (100 miles) and took a job related to her class work. She got distant within a month and decided that partying and going to the bars was what she wanted (she is 21, i know young but still not too young). Often she would be out all night with no calls till the next day and spending countless nights at a "friends" house. She decided she needed a break without much of an explanation only that she "needed time to figure things out" and she "couldnt give 100 percent of herself to me" and so i broke it off citing that i wasnt going to wait around if she did not want to work on things and if she didnt want to be with me. I expressed that her distance taught me what I needed to change and that I was very sorry but she didnt know. A week later she wanted to get back together telling me she was lonely and missed me. I of course took her back with some hesitation. She then starts to inform me of this guy whom she met with daily outside of work and that they were just friends. I come to find out from her a week later that they had been friends for nearly a month or more and during our break she slept with him 3 times. She changed the dates and circumstance of when she actually slept with him citing she was really messed up emotionally that week and was on a week long binge drinking. However, she did admit after I figured a time line out that the first time she had sex with him was when she was nearly sober and we had just had a fight. She did admit to me saying she was sorry and would never do it again and that she has cut contact with him due him having a fiancee (whom he was on a break with) and him being her direct supervisor. I understand why she was in the situation and why she might have gotten vulnerable. However, I feel that her actions are almost unforgivable. As during our week back together I did everything I could to win her back and to prove that I wanted to change and work on things, including sending her a note expressing my feelings. Well she slept with him 2 more times after getting that note (including that day, a total of 3 times altogether that week that I know of). My main concern is that she still works with him and according to her she cut her contact with him due to his position, his fiancee, and her "love" for me. However, she still speaks about him relating to his fiancee problems and overall general problems including him speaking to coworkers like they still hang out. I am unsure why she does this as she expressed how deeply in love she was with me and how she wants us to change and move forward (get married, have kids, etc.) But I cant get the images and anger/upset feelings to go away. She says she doesnt want to go out and drink anymore without me and that she has felt extremely guilty about everything. I feel though that she cant just go from going out all the time with her friends to not going out at all and in fact it would be unfair of me to ask it. However, she seems to think everything is "ok" when were together now and doesnt want any "drama". This to me is kind of a slap in the face as the only thing i can think about and want to talk about is this affair. We do talk but she is quite reluctant to discuss it. I know that we are both young (21 and 25) but I do love her and i really dont want to let her go. I am just afraid with our distance and her still working with this guy that things will "happen" again despite what she says. After all, from what I have read and know once the affair is emotional and then physical she can have withdrawl symptoms much like a drug and with our distance it may happen again. How can I go about this situation and what things should I ask from her to ease my pain and trust issues? What should I look for to see if she is truly genuine in her thought and beliefs in us aside from words and now seemingly "sparkfull" new relationship. Thank you for reading through this long letter and look forward to your response.