How do you tell someone that they are a bad parent?

Answer 1

You have several options with this. First you need to understand that people can raise children using different parenting styles but still produce happy successful adults. Of course, if the things this person is doing are placing that child's life in danger or are considered abusive, they must be reported to the authorities immediately. If the parenting technique this person is using or not using has been proven detrimental to a child's chances for success in studies or statistically then you can give her "feedback" ( instead of criticism) If she is extremely sensitive and and does not receive differing opinions well and you want to keep your relationship with her, you have two options:

1. Write her an anonymous letter but keep your concerns fact based. Describe the behavior you are concerned with and why it concerns you. Its always good to cite scientific reasons why her parenting technique is not in the best interest of her or her child.

2. Talk to her gently in person. Approach it from the perspective that you are completely concerned for her and the stress she will face in the future if she continues to parent in that way. For example: If your friend is giving their child everything the ask for, explain that you are worried that she is setting up a life long burden of providing goodies for her kids and that giving them everything won't allow them to figure out ways to get things for themselves. If you put it to her in a way that is not critical but based on your love for her, she will receive it much better.

If you don't mind if she become angry with you, you could:

1. The next time you witness her doing what you object to you, can simply say: " I don't think you should........" and why. Don't start you statement with "You shouldn't ....." That is too attacking.

2. email her in concrete terms with your concerns. Do not use judgmental statements such as: 'You're being a bad mom when you...." Instead, you could phrase it: "Look what I learned at this great parenting website. Studies are now coming out about how important it is or isn't that parents do ........." You can even give an example of how you have been tempted to or actually have done the parenting technique in question. She will definitely be more open to the feedback then. The worst thing you can do is give an impression that you and your children are perfect and she and her children are failures. She will not receive your advice well at all. Think about your parenting. No parent is perfect. Pick some thing you do that could be improved upon. Imagine a friend coming to you with concerns about that behavior. How would you like for them to present it? Present your concerns that way.

Answer 2

You don't. We don't have any right to judge someone else's relationship with their child or children. There are many ways of bringing up a child and most of them are good.... one may not be the way you would do it, but that doesn't mean it is a bad way.

Answer 3

If the bad parenting places the child in danger of any kind then you need to act. However, what you do depends on the details which you have not provided. Consider the following:

• If you are a trusted friend or relative you might choose a quiet time to talk, telling the parent that they seem overwhelmed and asking if there is something you can do to help.
• You might shop for some good age related, or situation related books on parenting and offer to buy them.
• You might find a good parenting class at the local Y or local hospital and offer to go with, or offer to stay with the child while the parent(s) goes. Be gentle about if so as not to make the parent feel defensive.
• If the parent is, for example, a single father who just isn't doing his part well, then perhaps a gentle reminder of his importance in the life of his child, and ideas on how he could relate to the child, could help.
• If none of the above seems appropriate and the situation is serious then you may need to report the possible child endangerment to the Department of Child and Family Services. Be prepared to provide details so they will know what they are looking for. This step should not be taken lightly. There must be serious concerns, for example: leaving the child unsupervised; physical or emotional abuse; lack of proper nutrition, hygiene, medical care; etc .

If you simply disagree with their style of parenting then you may need to butt out. If you had provided some details and examples then perhaps this option would be the most appropriate.