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As a teen, I can tell you this from personal experience rather than a parenting book written by adults, not by kids.

My advice: Listen to them and they will listen to you.

Kids don't want parents who act like they are the boss of them. (aka: "This is my house, my rules!" kind of parent) Lighten up! They want parents who are loving and supporting, no matter how much you think you're "doing it out of love," they don't think that. They think you're just plain mean. If they ask for you to let them finish the episode, let them. Show that you're listening to them, that you're acknowledging what they're saying. The more compassionate you are, the more they will trust you and notice your efforts.

Now, you're probably wondering, what about punishments? I know you probably are in favor of your punishment system, but be open to change. You can show that you mean business without taking their phone away for 2 months. NEVER ADD MORE TIME TO A PUNISHMENT BECAUSE THEY TRY TO DEFEND THEMSELVES. Kids have a right to explain their side of the story. Give them a chance to explain BEFORE deciding a punishment. But, there is still more to it. Taking their phone away for 2 months because they didn't clean their room is overdoing it. Provide an incentive for them, not a punishment. This means take away their phone until they clean their room. This way they are motivated to clean their room instead of sitting around being mad at you. If they did something wrong, take their phone (or whatever) until they are being responsible. This means at the most 2 weeks, unless they robbed 3 banks in that time period or whatever. Don't wait until they're in college! It's the little things that count.

Sorry this is kind of long! Hope this helps! :)

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10y ago
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14y ago

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Q: What could parents and their children do to overcome the gulf between them?
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