What if I don't want custody of my child post-divorce?

Answer 1

States set most child custody laws, but generally, parents can make custody arrangements that are appropriate for their living situations. If you don’t want custody of your child after your divorce, discuss this with your attorney, then with the other parent via mediation. You can probably set up an arrangement fairly easily.

Be prepared to answer some difficult questions when discussing your case with your attorney. Most lawyers will ask you whether you’re confident in your decision, and you may be advised to seek therapy. This isn’t because your attorney thinks you’re making the wrong decision—once you give up custody of your child, regaining custody would be extremely difficult, so you should make sure that you’re prepared to give up your parental rights permanently. The good news is that most child custody cases are resolved by parents and their attorneys without court proceedings.

Remember, giving up custody of your child will not remove your obligations to care for that child. You may need to pay child support, which is determined by your income, your child’s needs, and other factors.

There are many valid reasons to refuse custody. Don’t worry about being judged by your attorney or the other parent. As long as you’re acting in the child’s best interests, you’re ultimately doing the right thing.

So, what if you want to retain visitation rights but give up your rights as a primary guardian, and your ex-partner’s opposed to that arrangement?

If there’s a dispute regarding custody, the parents might end up in court. Attorneys will do everything possible to prevent this, as it usually doesn’t work out well for any of the involved parties. Child custody proceedings take time, money, and patience, and divorcing spouses usually have limited supplies of all three of those things. If you want limited custody of your child, and your spouse doesn’t want you to have any custody at all, you may end up in court.

If the case gets to this point, the court will evaluate the situation and create an arrangement in the best interest of the child. If a parent refuses to obey the court's visitation or custody decree, the parent may be in indirect contempt of court, which can mean fines or jail time for the offender. However, the parents charged with these violations are often trying to spend more than their allotted time with their child—not the other way around.

Note that this answer isn’t intended as legal advice. Talk to an attorney before taking any action, particularly if you’re involved in a divorce or a child custody case.