How do you cut pineapples?

Answer 1

First, you will need to buy a 6" thick by 2" wide by 7" long knife from Home Depot that is comprised of a stainless steel blade, and handle made of mahogany.

Second, you will need to buy a custom cutting board designed for cutting pineapples. It is called the "Pineapple Guillotine", and can be found in many local neighborhood corner stores.

Now that you have your materials, the process of cutting the pineapple works like this:

You push the knife down until it goes through the pineapple, your finger, your bone, the cutting board, the table, the floor, all layers of the ground, and once you hit the lava, you will be eaten by a rabid aardvark wearing spongebob boxers.

Answer 2

First, you cut off the top and bottom, then you cut off the skin and thorns, next you cut vertically in half about 6-8 times, lastly you cut the core out of each slice.