How should you punish your child?

Answer 1

== == This is an EXCELLENT question. Think of discipline as your way of responding to ALL of your child's behavior, good and bad. The right way to know how to punish begins with knowing the right way to interact with your child. In other words, make it a habit to catch your child in the act of behaving well. Among the least effective habits parents can get into are:

Making outrageous threats (threats you and the kids know you can never pull off). Yelling, because you think that makes what you're saying more authoritative. Not following through, even on reasonable attempts to correct a child. Lack of consistency. Giving in to a whining child's demands (just this once so I don't have to be standing here, embarrassed). Children will push the limits, and learn how to get what they can get. If you keep rewarding them, why should you be mystified when they keep whining? So, what can you do?

We should show mercy for a first mistake. But if problems persist:

After getting eye-to-eye contact with your child, say: If you don't stop [whining, or whatever] you won't watch TV after dinner tonight [By the way, get that TV out of the child's room]. Say it once, and give the kid a few moments to re-group. Don't yell. No improvement in behavior? Follow through. World War III breaks out? Keep the kid safe, don't yell, but hold your position. Act this way consistently, without meanness or frenzy. You are not your child's best friend. You will see positive changes in their behavior. If problems are more complicated, and how can they not be with children, check to see if there are any programs in your area designed to help parents learn parenting skills (Early Start, Early Intervention, or others). Kids don't come with instruction manuals. There are lots of people who are eager to help you learn better ways to parent. Go for it! There is an old Yiddish saying: If you must hit your child, do it with a shoelace. There is so much beautiful wisdom in this saying. I'm not going to ruin it by trying to explain it. But I'll offer a couple of clues. [Must you? And where are you going to get the shoelace?] ____________________________________________________________________ Skillful Parenting The ability to understand your children is an essential parenting skill that many parents do not have. There is quite a lot of literature available on the subject of parenting. You can help yourself by learning and practicing some important parenting skills. Some of the most important skills required in understanding your child are in communication, observation and patients. If you do not have an established and trusted communication link with your children, it will be much more difficult for you to try and understand them. If you have not established a relationship of trust, compassion and patients when dealing with your children then they may loose confidence and affection for you. They may turn their attention to other more influential persons around them who may encourage them to deceive you whenever the opportunity arises. If your relationship with your spouse is filled with conflict then the potential exists for your children to play one parent against the other. Children are usually very skillful in finding your weakness and then emotionally manipulating you at their whim and fancy. Being a good parent takes a lot of hard work and dedication. You must be stern but not rigid, you must be gentle but not a softie, you must be loving but not insecure, you must be decisive but not autocratic in other words you must be balanced in your responsibility as an exemplar to your children. ______________________________________________________________________