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What materials are used in chin implants?
as of 2003 alloplastic implants (made from inert foreign materials) are used more often because they reduce the risk of infection.
Can a victim of ambient abuse have doubts about whether they are a victim or not?
Abuse involves "mind games". The abuser shifts the blame and guilt to others. He makes them feel insane. Abusers have alloplastic defenses (external locus of control) - they blame others for their misbehavior and failures. Thus, many victims are not sure at all that they are in an abusive relationship. They feel that something is wrong with THEM - not with their tormentor! This is further compunded by the secrecy that the abuser imposes on the relationship and the development of a shared psychosis. yes! and if one stays too long, and lets these mind games undermine one sufficiently, a person really can lose their way. it's very important to minimize contact with the abuser, and maximize healthy contacts with other people. Hi there, your question is spot on. This is the thing with an ambient abuser, you don't even know if you're bein abused or not. You may feel as though your mind is ready to explode, you may feel terrified, confused, depressed. The list goes on. But the strange thing, you cant really put your finger on it. Then when you run it by someone they may say your paranoid, so you believe you must be. I've been there and it was a nightmare. Looking back i have no idea how i got through it, but i did. Put a little distance between yourself and the abuser. Get some therapy to help work out the confusion. You will then be able to make up your own mind! Good luck. IT ALL STARTED BECAUSE WE HAD A CHILD.MY GIRLFRIEND WAS SIXTEEN I WAS EIGHTEEN. MY GIRLFRIENDS SISTERS HUSBAND CAME TO ME AND SAID YOU RAPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND WRECKED HER LIFE AND YOU ARE LUCKY NOT TO GO TO JAIL AND THATS WOT HER PARENTS THINK OF YOU AS WELL.I IGNORED IT AT FIRST THEN ON FAMILY GET TOGETHERS HE WOULD ALLWAYS SAY TO MY GIRLFRIEDS PARENTS (LEE which is my name)has got it lucky but when asked by myself what he meant he would not explain why i have got it lucky.
What rhymes with Caribbean Sea?
I found these on rhymezone.com 1. abatic 2. abdominocystic 3. abietic 4. abiogenetic 5. abiotic 6. abrahamitic 7. absolutistic 8. acanthotic 9. acapnotic 10. acatalectic 11. acataleptic 12. acephalocystic 13. acetic 14. acherontic 15. achondritic 16. achondroplastic 17. achromatic 18. acidotic 19. aclastic 20. aconitic 21. acoustic 22. acroamatic 23. acroatic 24. acrobatic 25. acromonogrammatic 26. acrostic 27. acroteleutic 28. acrotic 29. actinolitic 30. actinomycotic 31. activistic 32. acyanotic 33. adendritic 34. adiabatic 35. adiaphoristic 36. adipokinetic 37. adrenocorticomimetic 38. adrenolytic 39. adrenomimetic 40. adriatic 41. adventuristic 42. aerobatic 43. aerobiotic 44. aerolitic 45. aeromagnetic 46. aeronautic 47. aeropleustic 48. aerostatic 49. aesthetic 50. afroasiatic 51. agamogenetic 52. agnatic 53. agnostic 54. agonistic 55. agonothetic 56. agranulocytic 57. agranuloplastic 58. agrestic 59. agrypnotic 60. akinetic 61. albinistic 62. albinotic 63. albitic 64. alchemistic 65. aleutic 66. alexipyretic 67. algetic 68. aliphatic 69. alkahestic 70. alkalotic 71. allochromatic 72. alloplastic 73. aloetic 74. alphabetic 75. altruistic 76. amacratic 77. amaurotic 78. amblotic 79. amelanotic 80. ameristic 81. amitotic 82. ammonitic 83. amnestic 84. amniotic 85. amoristic 86. amphibiotic 87. amphiblastic 88. amphichromatic 89. amphiprotic 90. amuletic 91. amyctic 92. amylolytic 93. amyostatic 94. anabaptistic 95. anabatic 96. anabiotic 97. anacamptic 98. anacathartic 99. anachronistic 100. anaclastic
Is a narcissist aware of there behaviour or is it natural for them to behave the way they do?
Dissecting the motivations of a pathological partner is an exercise in futility and one of the reasons you were involved in a toxic union to begin with. Basically, we try to project rational thought and sift through crumbs of our experience with them for signs of their humanity. We want to matter, feel valued, feel affirmation or love from a disordered individual incapable of it. They just can't. It's like trying to ask someone without a functioning spine to run a marathon with you without a wheelchair. It's natural and understandable to ask. Asking is what makes you a loving, compassionate person to yourself and others. You want to learn and heal because you are motivated by altruism and fulfilling human connection. Commendable qualities that will serve you well moving on. A narcissist has unchangable, abusive ideas of reference and justifications for their behaviors that kick in as soon as their worldview is required to empathize with others. Therefore, they are transitorily aware of their behavior, but able to dismiss it quickly as an alloplastic defense to protect their false self. To be discounted and discarded by a narcissist is a blessing. Self abuse that lingers in asking why is one of the reasons healing from the pathological union is so difficult. You've assumed their worlview, seen and felt yourself a recepticle for their shame and self-hatred almost frozen from the ability to move on, feel joy, self-esteem or a sense of goodness and trust in community. So, yes their predation of your essence is natural for them; but more importantly is profoundly unnatural for you. It can't be changed. No amount of love or perfection in you will ever compensate for it. The relational harm to your psyche, your heart, your spirit, friends and family, your job and finances will only accmulate in tme. That's what pathology does to a non-disordered person. Folie-a-deux or the alligator death roll - it is what it is. I'm sorry for your pain. I know some people who lose themselves in every recognizable way staying in it and trying to manage the severity of the harmful behavior impact, but they live a quarter life in fantasy, develop stress disorders, suffer miscarriages, addictions, depression... On and on. Every partner he has suffers. He feels something like fleeting attachment without loyalty, but he cannot love. He can parrot expressions and mannerisms of it, but he does not feel the way you and I may understand feeling. Think of it as an "urge" with a lack of impulse control where you and I may be motivated by care for another or a spirit of mutualtity. It's difficult to grasp and explain, but just know the less exposure you have the better you will live and the less you will suffer. Focus on you and your life and motivations. Find your joy. Remember, with a narcissist it not what it appears to be. The actions are reality, the words are superficial instruments to trap you. Your confusion and your pain is real and trying to lead you to a better life. Fly with your inner angels and trust yourself.
Why is it so hard to hold an abusive person accountable for their actions?
It is hard, because it is not your job to parent them. Understand that verbally they will win and physical abuse is not far behind. When you are finished trying to make changes, it is time to leave. A good book with things to try is Patricia Evan's Verbally Abusive Relationship. Because they deny that they are abusers to start with! Abusers regularly deny the abuse ever took place - or rationalize their abusive behaviors. Denial is an integral part of the abuser's ability to "look at himself/herself in the mirror". There are many types of denial. When confronted by his victims, most abusers tend to shift blame or avoid the topic altogether. Total denial 1. Outright denial Typical retorts by the abuser: "It never happened, or it was not abuse, you are just imagining it, or you want to hurt my (the abuser's) feelings" 2. Alloplastic defense Common sentences when challenged: "It was your fault, you, or your behavior, or the circumstances, provoked me into such behavior" 3. Altruistic defense Usual convoluted explanations: "I did it for you, in your best interests" 4. Transformative defense Recurring themes: "What I did to you was not abuse - it was common and accepted behavior (at the time, or in the context of the prevailing culture or in accordance with social norms), it was not meant as abuse" Abusers frequently have narcissistic traits. As such, they are more concerned with appearance than with substance. Dependent for narcissistic supply on the community - neighbors, colleagues, co-workers, bosses, friends, extended family - they cultivate an unblemished reputation for honesty, industriousness, religiosity, reliability, and conformity. Forms of denial in public 4. Family honor stricture Characteristic admonitions: "We don't do dirty laundry publicly, the family's honor and repute must be preserved, what will the neighbors say?" 5. Family functioning stricture Dire and ominous scenarios: "If you snitch and inform the authorities, they will take me (the abusive parent) away and the whole family will disintegrate" Confronting the abuser with incontrovertible proof of his abusive behavior is one way of minimizing contact with him. Abusers - like the narcissists that they often are - cannot tolerate criticism or disagreement. Answer These they never want to face up to being wrong and if their alcoholics who have black outs, you will never hear I'm sorry. Most of the times they odn't remember what they said and even deny having ever said such words. My mother who is an alcoholic for 30 years is a fine example. She never has to apolize because she has no recollection of her words the next day. These people are incaple of feeling anything real, and a horrible breed of people. I really don't like my mother at all, and I think she'e very sick. Answer If they cared to be accountable, and responsible they wouldn't be abusing you. Being accountable means they have to recognize the behavior. Recognizing the behavior means that they take responsibility. Taking responsibilty means they can't be pukes. Not being pukes means they have to be productive... get the picture. Holding someone accountable.. means they have to change, be responsible.... abusers don't want that. Answer There are few things abusers dread more than having to face up to their own odious selves. Emotionally, they are firmly stuck in the kindergarten playground. They can't own their actions. Instead, they go to the playground supervisor, and howl, 'It's not fair. Everybody's being **beastly** to me'. (Sob, sob). It never enters their tiny minds that they are the ones who're being 'beastly'.
If a narcissist threatens your life will they follow through?
You should take his threats very seriously and act to defend yourself and to take all necessary precautions. Pathological narcissism is a spectrum of disorders. People suffering from the full blown, all-pervasive, personality distorting mental health disorder known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - are, indeed, more prone to violence than others. Actually, the differential diagnosis (=the difference) between NPD and AsPD (Antisocial PD, psychopaths) is very blurred. Most psychopaths have narcissistic traits and many a narcissist are also sadists. Both types are devoid of empathy, remorseless, ruthless, and relentless in their pursuit of their goals (the narcissist's goal is narcissistic supply or the avoidance of narcissistic injury). Narcissists often use verbal and psychological abuse and violence against those closest to them. Some of them move from abstract aggression (the emotion leading to violence and permeating it) to the physically concrete sphere of violence. Many narcissists are also paranoid and vindictive. They aim to punish (by tormenting) and destroy the source of their frustration and pain. Invariably, violent behavior was triggered by frustration, perceived to be a threat to the integrity and veracity of the False Self. In other words, if the narcissist could not achieve gratification, or was criticized, or encountered resistance and disagreement - he tended to turn violent. He felt that his grandiose fantasies were being undermined and that his sense of entitlement due to his uniqueness is challenged. this often happens in prison where the atmosphere is paranoid and every slight, real or imaginary, is magnified to the point of narcissistic injury. The narcissist has alloplastic defences. He does not accept responsibility for his actions. He accuses others or the world at large for provoking or aggravating his outbursts of violent behaviour. He feels immune to the consequences of his actions by virtue of his inbred superiority and entitlement. Narcissists are also mildly dissociative. They sometimes go through depersonalization and derealization. In other words, some narcissists sort of "watch themselves" and their life from the outside, as one would a movie. Such narcissists do not feel fully and truly responsible for their acts of violence. "I don't know what came over me" - is their frequent refrain. Based on my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" � 2003 Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications In real, rather than abstract, terms I do not think this question should be related entirely to NPD. If ANYONE threatens your life convincingly there is only one rule: Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. A large proportion of murders are committed by people who never showed any inclination to murder or violence before and never do again. Many are never diagnosed with any all-pervasive disorder (though I suppose a person must be at least "a bit stressed out" to actually take life). Whenever anybody threatens to kill you there is a chance they will go through with it. Of course some murderers never threaten. The really serious calculating ones, or the impetuous ones do not threaten. That he seems to threaten you repeatedly is actually a GOOD sign ... you must have mentioned it to enough people that he could not possibly get away with it. However he could be too far off on his trip to actually REALISE that. I assume you have made the police aware of his actions and threats. If not, do so. There is still one factor ... why does he stalk and threaten you? The answer is very simple, he does this because he gets something out of it. Whatever he gets out of it will stop if he ever goes through with it, he may be perfectly aware of that. It may be literally that he would miss you too much if he killed you ... if not in a nice way. Ultimately it's a control game, he controls your mood by subjecting you to constant fear. The real answer is to get out from under it, place yourself out of his reach, move. You cannot know for sure if he would really kill you, unless it happens, but you know he is imposing control on your life. You do not need that. In a word ... MOVE, discreetly, with no forwarding address. And tell everyone you know what he is doing. Keep no secrets about this. I hope you have contacted your local abuse shelter, they will be of help. Good luck.
How can you spot an abuser while dating?
Note when he gets angry does he bunch his fists up? Does he get angry quickly? And most important of all if he ever hits you, even if its just a slap or anything GET OUT.If he has been in a long relationship before and he mentions that his significant other just up and left one day without warning, that is a real red flag.I was married to one for 22 years. When we were dating, I never really knew what he thought, but it was infatuation on my part and I was young. Also, he would go away for a time and then come back, expecting all to be the same. In marriage, it was neglect, lots of anger and an unwillingness to be open with me about feelings and disregard for my needs. After divorce, I met another one, some years later. It was basic "crazymaking," just always feeling off kilter, like I couldn't consistently do anything right. We were always breaking up, and getting back together. Finally, after I was in trouble one morning after church for not introducing him to someone I knew before speaking with them, I broke up with him. Then, I took out my trusty book by Patricia Evans--The Verbally Abusive Relationship, and saw the list. Next! Another guy I met was initially charming, but then was too familiar too quickly and I became uncomfortable. Of course, the last date we went to a festival and went dutch. He disappeared for an hour or more while we were there--he probably went to eat without me is what I think. He also joked about the long walk home.My advice, is, if you determine the new guy is likely to be an abuser (especially if it has happened to you before), is to move slowly and get experience in many different situations with him. If you decide to break it off, do yourself a favor. Block him from any means of contact (email, phone, mail) and stick to it. They can be very charming and convincing and you can be very guilty, contrite or adaptable enough to give them one more chance.Finally, you do not have to wait until you have the strength to leave. You just have to do it, by acting "as if" you have the strength, and do it. Funny thing is, once you do it, you have the strength. House, belongings, etc. eventually get sorted out and so don't stay connected to stuff. It is always people first (Suze Orman).I wish I would have read this in the beginning. The biggest sign is the pressure to get married when you first start dating. Does he talk about marriage a lot within the first few months? Is he excessively jealous? Does he accuss you of being dishonest about your whereabouts? Has he lost his temper and blamed it on you? And then do you fall for it and promise to work on it? Is he overly affectionate to you and charming when others are around and then snap at you as soon as you leave the company?Perhaps the first telltale sign is the abuser's alloplastic defenses -- his tendency to blame every mistake of his, every failure, or mishap on others, or on the world at large. Be tuned: does he assume personal responsibility? Does he admit his faults and miscalculations? Or does he keep blaming you, the cab driver, the waiter, the weather, the government, or fortune for his predicament?Is he hypersensitive, picks fights, feels constantly slighted, injured, and insulted? Does he rant incessantly? Does he treat animals and children impatiently or cruelly and does he express negative and aggressive emotions towards the weak, the poor, the needy, the sentimental, and the disabled? Does he confess to having a history of battering or violent offenses or behavior? Is his language vile and infused with expletives, threats, and hostility?Next thing: is he too eager? Does he push you to marry him having dated you only twice? Is he planning on having children on your first date? Does he immediately cast you in the role of the love of his life? Is he pressing you for exclusivity, instant intimacy, almost rapes you and acts jealous when you as much as cast a glance at another male? Does he inform you that, once you get hitched, you should abandon your studies or resign your job (forgo your personal autonomy)?Does he respect your boundaries and privacy? Does he ignore your wishes (for instance, by choosing from the menu or selecting a movie without as much as consulting you)? Does he disrespect your boundaries and treats you as an object or an instrument of gratification (materializes on your doorstep unexpectedly or calls you often prior to your date)? Does he go through your personal belongings while waiting for you to get ready?Does he control the situation and you compulsively? Does he insist to ride in his car, holds on to the car keys, the money, the theater tickets, and even your bag? Does he disapprove if you are away for too long (for instance when you go to the powder room)? Does he interrogate you when you return ("have you seen anyone interesting") -- or make lewd "jokes" and remarks? Does he hint that, in future, you would need his permission to do things -- even as innocuous as meeting a friend or visiting with your family?Does he act in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes you often? Does he emphasize your minutest faults (devalues you) even as he exaggerates your talents, traits, and skills (idealizes you)? Is he wildly unrealistic in his expectations from you, from himself, from the budding relationship, and from life in general?Does he tell you constantly that you "make him feel" good? Don't be impressed. Next thing, he may tell you that you "make" him feel bad, or that you make him feel violent, or that you "provoke" him. "Look what you made me do!" is an abuser's ubiquitous catchphrase.Does he find sadistic sex exciting? Does he have fantasies of rape or pedophilia? Is he too forceful with you in and out of the sexual intercourse? Does he like hurting you physically or finds it amusing? Does he abuse you verbally -- does he curse you, demeans you, calls you ugly or inappropriately diminutive names, or persistently criticizes you? Does he then switch to being saccharine and "loving", apologizes profusely and buys you gifts?If you have answered "yes" to any of the above -- stay away! He is an abuser.Then there is the abuser's body language. It comprises an unequivocal series of subtle -- but discernible -- warning signs. Pay attention to the way your date comports himself -- and save yourself a lot of trouble!Leave!! Run like the wind!! Protect your kids and get your life back.Love,I did not learn my lesson, although it was right in front of me. Nine years ago I met my fiance/boyfriend(whatever we are now)when he was a leasing agent at the apartments I moved into after my divorce (yes another abuser, whom I share joint custody of my two children) We started dating, and the sex was great, he was romantic, concerned, and called me every moment of the day..flattering at the time. I remember now though, he did seem very phoney and extremely arrogent. During the second month, we went to a nightclub which we had been to before.. both of us loved to dance. I am a dance instructor/choreographer and really enjoyed just getting to dance crazy! So I did. He grabbed me by the arm, escorted me to the bar and told me "you can't dance like that here, there's too many people" I was a very independant, strong person at the time, and told him jokingly to lighten up and have fun and that if he didn't want to dance with me, then I would dance by myself, which I did. I'll never forget the glare..or what happened next after he downed I don't know how many drinks. We left the club, and I told him I should drive, it was my car. He grabbed the keys out of my hand, opened the door and placed me forcefully in the seat, I was shocked, scared and mad at myself for not fighting back. I blew it off on the way home, we didn't live that far. He stopped at a fast food place and asked me for money!!!(Another red flag) When we pulled into the parking lot he stopped the car, leaned over like he was going to kiss me, and whispered, "What's the big deal about having a degree in dance?" (I had told him I wanted to go back for my MFA as well) "I don't need a degree for someone to tell me I can dance. Thats stupid" Normally I would have argued but I calmly got out of the car stunned, and walked up to his apartment. We sat down to eat on the floor of his crappy place, and told me not to get ketchup on the carpet! The NERVE! I owned a new 4bdrm home in the Foothills, and have two kids! So, I let him have it...and was called a f*****g b***h. He went to bed and passed out, I left and should have never seen him again, but I did and it's only gotten worse. He still drinks alot, criticizes me constantly, calls me names and makes comments to hurt my feelings. I feel like a shell inside. I just ignore him now and spend more time with my kids even though we still live together. I stopped dancing/teaching a year ago, it was my love, but he told me it was my fault for being unrealistic. Don't make the same mistake, trust your gut, remember the little things they say at the beginning that make you feel bad, question yourself or who you are. I remember who I was and it makes me sad. Take care...In my opinion, the most important thing to look out for is to observe how he treats his mother. This is an indication of his feelings toward women in general. Also, observe his father's behavior, because that's really who you're marrying, whether you believe it or not. And, third, observe his parents' marriage, if they are still married. Just being aware of his family dynamics is eye opening if you can look at them in a detached manner. I wish I had.Has he ever threatened, demeaned, or insulted you in front of others? Has he ever regularly pressured you into actions or activities you do not wish to do? Does he constantly have to know your whereabouts, or peppers you with questions about your activities when he is not present? Someone like this wants a girlfriend to dominate, not to love. If you're already concerned about his behavior, I'd just advise you to stop dating him.In my case, I didn't notice any obvious signs that he would be an abuser while we were dating. He was very nice and sweet, never made any threats or used hostile language. And certainly I would have never guessed from knowing his parents or his relationship with them. I would have suspected something if I had known more about his relationship with his previous wife, but at the time all I knew about it was from his point of view, which was very misleading. But reading the first answer, I can see that the signs were there, but I just never knew what they meant. He always blamed others for all his problems, and seldom admitted making a mistake. He sometimes felt insulted or wrongly treated by others when I thought it shouldn't be taken personally. Also, he was very eager. He talked about marriage almost from the start.I've noticed they tend to "invade" your life very quickly. Out of nowhere, they appear....Some are more subtle than others, some make you feel like the most interesting fascinating person in the world right away (the ugly part comes after)... This is just an observation I've made in my life. Also, a really bad sign is when you start losing your friends, seeing them less often.he will sweep you of your feet, he will make you belive that no one will ever love you like he does. All the while your gut feeling will be screamimg at you. This is wrong. This is wrong. Listen to your gut..... for it won't take long for him to steal your soul and convince you that every friend you have and have ever made every relative, your parents, your job, you as a person are low, wrong, vile and honoured to know him, He is just too good all of the time and everyone else at fault Your world will become smaller less friends less family less happiness less laughter and convince you all the same you are lucky to have him. People will start to oviod you if he doesn't cut you off first as you are not the person you used to be. No one knows you any more solem, dull no spark and a shodow of your former self. You will dream of the person you used to be. Sadness will overwhelm you. You are engulfed in darknessOh my gosh, I am experiencing the end of an abusive realtionship as we speak and I am reading these answers. Actually, I'm not at all surprised because I saw this coming from the beginning. Its funny how you can be an intelligent person, yet put up with something you know is wrong. I'm done. I have had enough. All the examples are there. He came into my life quickly. Asked me to marry him almost right after, moved in, took over. I never married him because I saw it getting worse. I just thought that maybe he would realize but that's my problem. They never do. Some do. Most don't. He is verbally abusive. Things that are simple and should not be taken personally he gets angry over. He is not honest or truthful about many things but questions me about who was I talking to, where did I go, etc. Its exasperating. I am very vocal and expressed such right back. Many fights. Thank you for putting things in black and white. I knew but it always helps to have reassurance.The signs were there, i guess at the time i was so charmed by him the i didnt see them the verbal abuse, the put downs the feeling of worthlessness, the blaming on me rather than on his behaviour and manner. basically "IF IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT IT ISNT. " trust your instincts you are raely wrong/ if you do spot it, or as soon as you do LEAVE the cycle will continueOMG! All of these answers are SO VERY TRUE! I JUST got out of an 7-month relationship with a Narcissistic Borderline Personality Disorder! FREAKED me out so many X's I had to question my OWN sanity!My sons & brother hated him immediately for the way he talked about women in general, when I wasn't around, KNOWING he would do same with me. (he did!)They also worried that I would next be physically abused. WHICH IS WORSE??? I TOLD him it would have been EASIER had he HIT me than to listen to him humiliate & berate me for the minutest infractions he considered offensive (only to HIM!)Filthy, arrogant, obnoxious and ENDLESSLY BLAMING everyone but never taking responsiblity. SO glad I DIDN'T STAY! ALSO, grandiose about his 'male anatomy' telling EVERYONE HOW big it is (only fat, trust me) AND NEVER intimate! Always making sex something of a rape! Always centered on HIM, never giving, EVER!1: ALWAYS remember THIS ONE, girls! (repeat) How a man TREATS HIS OWN MOTHER is a window into his soul! (this one regularly called his mother THE 'C' WORD!!!)Friends, thanks for being here. It's only been a week & I've COMPLETELY CUT HIM OFF...never again will I take responsibility for his abuse NOR apologize!WHEW! SYes, there are men who don't yell at their mate. Ever. The abusive cycle includes sweet times and times when things are not going so well. It keeps you confused and you think that if you just wait, it will get better. So, it does, over and over. This is not the one on one relationship that you deserve. He does treat his mother badly--there should not be a regular make up issue. If you leave, be sure to take some time on your own, so you can be confident and happy when you meet the good mate you deserve. It is a lot less lonely to be alone than with an abusive mate.All this scares me so much that after every answer, I felt I had to close down the page. I don't know whether my relationship is abusive or not. All I know is that he gets angry about everything, and then he apologizes so profusely afterwords, that it always seems to me that he ought to be forgiven. But, is it true that there are women who don't have to deal with a boyfriend who yells at them ever? I've never seen a relationship where people don't have problems of the man being aggressive and demanding of a woman. I'm sure that makes it more difficult for me to spot abuse. But, that mother rule applies, in that while he isn't necessarily abusive to his mother, his mother and father fight a lot, and he himself treats his mother impolitely, from my point of view. Then, with her, just as with me, he thinks the world is wonderful just because they made up. It's hard for me to think of possibly letting go of him, because I think I'll never find a man who is so expressive with his love when he does express it, and I love him so much, too. It is possible to love someone who is abusive to you, but is it not healthy. And I'm not happy more than half the week with him because of all the arguments. I think I need to look up what a healthy relationship is like. If anyone here can give some examples of what a non-abusive relationship is like, I would appreciate it. Thanks.I have had the same experiences....My husband can be as sweet as honey, and one second later he's screaming, cussing, name calling, etc. He repeatedly wakes me in the middle of the night because he thinks we "need to cuddle" wants to talk, pick a fight, etc. Will become upset over the position in which I sleep. Will perpetually criticize everything I do including what I choose to cook for dinner, clothes I wear, how I clean. But the funniest part of it all is...he will refuse to say what he wants for dinner, purposly makes messes in the house and buys me outfits hen later finds unacceptable. I feel like I'm in a no win situation. What's my part in all of this??? I allowed it. I let him talk me into quitting my job before we were married. Tried to reason with him as he degraded and berated me, waited until he started making me uncomfortable with his sexual demands to draw bouderies, never corrected him when he called me excessively, accepted his initial lies, and overall...ignired my own god given instinc. Now I'm in for the hawl and have no more joy or energy to even remain sane within it....don't be like me.....If he is all over you from day ne and showing up at your work every day....if he has a history of substance or domestic abuse or has ever been arrested for such incidents or has ever had a restraining order against him...run! He will try to blame everyone else..but he is the problem..don't you be a part of it!Indicators of a Healthy RelationshipYou feel at ease with your partner.You don�t always feel you have to be at your best when you are together.Your partner is open with you about his/her life.You feel cared for and appreciated.There is a good level of trust and honesty.You feel your partner sees and accepts youI WAS SITTING AT MY PC AND I WAS TRYING TO FIND SOME ANSWERS ON THE SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE MAN AND THIS WEB SITE CAME UP AND I AM SITTING HERE JUST BLOWN AWAY I JUST WENT THREW A DIVOI dated an abusive guy so I definitely know the signs.Signs of an abusive person:-They get jealous easily. This can include getting jealous about you hanging out with your friends, being with your family, talking to other people (especially men) and paying attention to anyone other than them.-They try to control you. It can start with little things, like telling you what to wear, and escalate to telling you who you can and cannot talk to.-They guilt you into doing things you don't want to do. "If you loved me, you'd stop talking to your friend."-They move way too fast. This means telling you they love you in a couple of weeks, and talking about marriage within one or two months.-They put you down. "You look like a slut in that outfit." "You're a terrible person."-When you try to get space from them (ie I need the night to myself), they make you feel guilty for not spending every minute with them.-If you try to break it off with them, they don't leave you alone and refuse to accept it.One abuser of so many women I once knew was a man who seemed to "worship the goddess" (as equal to the "god" in him)...but this is not my point. He was a real "ladies man", more so than most, especially his friends. All his friends wondered how he could bed so many women. All his friends wanted him to mentor them, teah them how to get laid as often as he did. And this was the abusers real game. He wasn't really much interested in women or their well-being, as he claimed. He was really using them to impress his friends, brag to his friends about what a stud he was. It was juvenile locker room talk and he was in his fifties. His name is Flash. Each women thought she had finally got this man as her own, but these women were fooled and could not see what was happening right in front of their faces. And I didn't see it either until many years later when a different guy tried to "court" me in public in front of his group of friends. Then I realized, he too, thought he was the "leader of the pack". He goes by the name "Mad Dog" in El Dorado County, CA. I think abusers often start out the abuse in public. They put women on the spot and make it hard to say no, force women into akward positions and converstations for the sake of being polite in a polite society.
A(n) is someone or something that takes part in the story.?
I got involved with an N 8 years ago & when I think about it there were many signs I now realize set off my radar at the time but I ignored (I was raised by an N mother & have been trained to ignore those warning signs).The first time I spent time alone with him (he drove me home from a restaurant) my final comment to him was 'Just be yourself'. I had the feeling he was trying to be something else, so stongly I actually felt compelled to tell him to relax & be himself! During that same 25 minute car ride he also told me a horrible story about an ex who got murdered & he was a suspect (although as he mentioned he hadn't seen this person in years, they lived in totally different cities, he still had to be part of the drama in his tales). I was so shocked when he told me this (I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home) that I nearly got out at a red light (I panicked, but my N-in-waiting training made me give him the benefit of the doubt & live with my fear & uneasiness).This was on my first time alone with him, he only drove me home from a dinner we both attended with mutual friends. In hindsight, I should have run for the hills because MY GUT told me something was not 'normal'.After 8 years with this person & with help of this faq site, I know how to recognize an N. Funny thing, I was in a restaurant recently & heard a booming N loud & clear at the table right next to me.Once you've been burnt by one, you will see the signs clearly, in the meantime, please remember to TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCTS! You should also remember that you are the one who should be CHOOSING the people you want to date or have as friends, DON'T LET THEM CHOOSE YOU (N's will target you, that was my mistake I just went along with it).Signs of abuse/narcissistic behavior at first glanceNot too many people who talk about narcissists will admit that ALL humans have some form of narcissistic behavior, but most are mild. We are all guilty of it, but, we aren't as cruel as the troublesome narcissistic who makes a career out of it. It's important to listen to the person you are talking too as a narcissist will give themselves a way everytime. Never mind how good looking he/she is, listen! Here are some signs: How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date by Dr. Sam VakninFebruary 28, 2004 Is there anything you can do to avoid abusers and narcissists to start with? Are there any warning signs, any identifying marks, rules of thumbs to shield you from the harrowing and traumatic experience of an abusive relationship?Imagine a first or second date. You can already tell if he is a would-be abuser. Here's how:Perhaps the first telltale sign is the abuser's alloplastic defenses - his tendency to blame every mistake of his, every failure, or mishap on others, or on the world at large. Be tuned: does he assume personal responsibility? Does he admit his faults and miscalculations? Or does he keep blaming you, the cab driver, the waiter, the weather, the government, or fortune for his predicament?Is he hypersensitive, picks up fights, feels constantly slighted, injured, and insulted? Does he rant incessantly? Does he treat animals and children impatiently or cruelly and does he express negative and aggressive emotions towards the weak, the poor, the needy, the sentimental, and the disabled? Does he confess to having a history of battering or violent offenses or behavior? Is his language vile and infused with expletives, threats, and hostility?Next thing: is he too eager? Does he push you to marry him having dated you only twice? Is he planning on having children on your first date? Does he immediately cast you in the role of the love of his life? Is he pressing you for exclusivity, instant intimacy, almost rapes you and acts jealous when you as much as cast a glance at another male? Does he inform you that, once you get hitched, you should abandon your studies or resign your job (forgo your personal autonomy)?Does he respect your boundaries and privacy? Does he ignore your wishes (for instance, by choosing from the menu or selecting a movie without as much as consulting you)? Does he disrespect your boundaries and treats you as an object or an instrument of gratification (materializes on your doorstep unexpectedly or calls you often prior to your date)? Does he go through your personal belongings while waiting for you to get ready?Does he control the situation and you compulsively? Does he insist to ride in his car, holds on to the car keys, the money, the theater tickets, and even your bag? Does he disapprove if you are away for too long (for instance when you go to the powder room)? Does he interrogate you when you return ("have you seen anyone interesting") - or make lewd "jokes" and remarks? Does he hint that, in future, you would need his permission to do things - even as innocuous as meeting a friend or visiting with your family?Does he act in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes you often? Does he emphasize your minutest faults (devalues you) even as he exaggerates your talents, traits, and skills (idealizes you)? Is he wildly unrealistic in his expectations from you, from himself, from the budding relationship, and from life in general?Does he tell you constantly that you "make him feel" good? Don't be impressed. Next thing, he may tell you that you "make" him feel bad, or that you make him feel violent, or that you "provoke" him. "Look what you made me do!" is an abuser's ubiquitous catchphrase.Does he find sadistic sex exciting? Does he have fantasies of rape or pedophilia? Is he too forceful with you in and out of the sexual intercourse? Does he like hurting you physically or finds it amusing? Does he abuse you verbally - does he curse you, demeans you, calls you ugly or inappropriately diminutive names, or persistently criticizes you? Does he then switch to being saccharine and "loving", apologizes profusely and buys you gifts?If you have answered "yes" to any of the above - stay away! He is an abuser.Then there is the abuser's body language. It comprises an unequivocal series of subtle - but discernible - warning signs. Pay attention to the way your date comports himself - and save yourself a lot of trouble!Many of my correspondents complain of the incredible deceptive powers of the narcissist. They find themselves involved with narcissists (emotionally, in business, or otherwise) before they have a chance to discover their true character. Shocked by the later revelation, they mourn their inability to separate from the narcissist and their gullibility.Narcissists are an elusive breed, hard to spot, harder to pinpoint, impossible to capture. Even an experienced mental health diagnostician with unmitigated access to the record and to the person examined would find it fiendishly difficult to determine with any degree of certainty whether someone suffers from an impairment, i.e., a mental health disorder � or merely possesses narcissistic traits, a narcissistic personality structure ("character"), or a narcissistic "overlay" superimposed on another mental health problem.Moreover, it is important to distinguish between the traits and behaviour patterns that are independent of the patient's cultural-social context (i.e., which are inherent, or idiosyncratic) � and reactive patterns, or conformity to cultural and social morals and norms. Reactions to severe life crises are often characterised by transient pathological Narcissism, for instance (Ronningstam and Gunderson, 1996). But such reactions do not a narcissist make.When a person lives in a society and culture that has often been described as narcissistic by scholars (e.g., Theodore Millon) and social thinkers (e.g., Christopher Lasch) � how much of his behaviour can be attributed to his milieu � and which of his traits are really his?Additionally, there is a qualitative difference between having a narcissistic style, or a narcissistic personality � and being diagnosed with the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The latter is rigorously defined in the DSM IV-TR and adheres to strict criteria and differential diagnoses (for more, see here: http://samvak.tripod.com/npdglance.HTML).Narcissism is regarded by many scholars to be an adaptative strategy ("healthy narcissism"). It is considered pathological in the clinical sense only when it becomes a rigid personality structure replete with a series of primitive defence mechanisms (such as splitting, projection, projective identification, or intellectualization) � and when it leads to dysfunctions in one or more areas of life.Pathological narcissism is the art of deception. The narcissist projects a False Self and manages all his social interactions through this concocted fictional construct. People often find themselves involved with a narcissist (emotionally, in business, or otherwise) before they have a chance to discover his true nature.When the narcissist reveals his true colours, it is usually far too late. His victims are unable to separate from him. They are frustrated by this acquired helplessness and angry that they failed to see through the narcissist earlier on.But the narcissist does emit subtle, almost subliminal, signals ("presenting symptoms") even in a first or casual encounter. These are:"Haughty" body language � The narcissist adopts a physical posture which implies and exudes an air of superiority, seniority, hidden powers, mysteriousness, amused indifference, etc. Though the narcissist usually maintains sustained and piercing eye contact, he often refrains from physical proximity (he is "territorial").The narcissist takes part in social interactions � even mere banter � condescendingly, from a position of supremacy and faux "magnanimity and largesse". But he rarely mingles socially and prefers to remain the "observer", or the "lone wolf".Entitlement markers � The narcissist immediately asks for "special treatment" of some kind. Not to wait his turn, to have a longer or a shorter therapeutic session, to talk directly to authority figures (and not to their assistants or secretaries), to be granted special payment terms, to enjoy custom tailored arrangements.The narcissist is the one who � vocally and demonstratively � demands the undivided attention of the head waiter in a restaurant, or monopolizes the hostess, or latches on to celebrities in a party. The narcissist reacts with rage and indignantly when denied his wishes and if treated equally with others whom he deems inferior.Idealisation or devaluation � The narcissist instantly idealises or devalues his interlocutor. This depends on how the narcissist appraises the potential one has as a Narcissistic Supply Source. The narcissist flatters, adores, admires and applauds the "target" in an embarrassingly exaggerated and profuse manner � or sulks, abuses, and humiliates her.Narcissists are polite only in the presence of a potential Supply Source. But they are unable to sustain even perfunctory civility and fast deteriorate to barbs and thinly-veiled hostility, to verbal or other violent displays of abuse, rage attacks, or cold detachment.The "membership" posture � The narcissist always tries to "belong". Yet, at the very same time, he maintains his stance as an outsider. The narcissist seeks to be admired for his ability to integrate and ingratiate himself without investing the efforts commensurate with such an undertaking.For instance: if the narcissist talks to a psychologist, the narcissist first states emphatically that he never studied Psychology. He then proceeds to make seemingly effortless use of obscure professional terms, thus demonstrating that he mastered the discipline all the same � which proves that he is exceptionally intelligent or introspective.In general, the narcissist always prefers show-off to substance. One of the most effective methods of exposing a narcissist is by trying to delve deeper. The narcissist is shallow, a pond pretending to be an ocean. He likes to think of himself as a Renaissance man, a Jack of all trades. A narcissist never admits to ignorance in any field � yet, typically, he is ignorant of them all. It is surprisingly easy to penetrate the gloss and the veneer of the narcissist's self-proclaimed omniscience.Bragging and false autobiography � The narcissist brags incessantly. His speech is peppered with "I", "my", "myself", and "mine". He describes himself as intelligent, or rich, or modest, or intuitive, or creative � but always excessively, implausibly, and extraordinarily so.The narcissist's biography sounds unusually rich and complex. His achievements � incommensurate with his age, education, or renown. Yet, his actual condition is evidently and demonstrably incompatible with his claims. Very often, the narcissist lies or fantasies are easily discernible. He always name-drops and appropriates other people's experiences and accomplishments.Emotion-free language � The narcissist likes to talk about himself and only about himself. He is not interested in others or what they have to say, unless it is a potential Source of Supply and in order to obtain said supply. He acts bored, disdainful, even angry, if he feels an intrusion on and abuse of his precious time.In general, the narcissist is very impatient, easily bored, with strong attention deficits � unless and until he is the topic of discussion. One can dissect all aspects of the intimate life of a narcissist, providing the discourse is not "emotionally tinted". If asked to relate directly to his emotions, the narcissist intellectualises, rationalises, speaks about himself in the third person and in a detached "scientific" tone or composes a narrative with a fictitious character in it, suspiciously autobiographical.Seriousness and sense of intrusion and coercion � The narcissist is dead serious about himself. He may possess a fabulous sense of humour, scathing and cynical, but rarely is he self-deprecating. The narcissist regards himself as being on a constant mission, whose importance is cosmic and whose consequences are global. If a scientist � he is always in the throes of revolutionising science. If a journalist � he is in the middle of the greatest story ever.This self-misperception is not amenable to light-headedness or self-effacement. The narcissist is easily hurt and insulted (narcissistic injury). Even the most innocuous remarks or acts are interpreted by him as belittling, intruding, or coercive. His time is more valuable than others' � therefore, it cannot be wasted on unimportant matters such as social intercourse.Any suggested help, advice, or concerned inquiry are immediately cast by the narcissist as intentional humiliation, implying that the narcissist is in need of help and counsel and, thus, imperfect. Any attempt to set an agenda is, to the narcissist, an intimidating act of enslavement. In this sense, the narcissist is both schizoid and paranoid and often entertains ideas of reference.These � the lack of empathy, the aloofness, the disdain, the sense of entitlement, the restricted application of humour, the unequal treatment and the paranoia � render the narcissist a social misfit. The narcissist is able to provoke in his milieu, in his casual acquaintances, even in his psychotherapist, the strongest, most avid and furious hatred and revulsion. To his shock, indignation and consternation, he invariably induces in others unbridled aggression.He is perceived to be asocial at best and, often, antisocial. This, perhaps, is the strongest presenting symptom. One feels ill at ease in the presence of a narcissist for no apparent reason. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social the narcissist is � he fails to secure the sympathy of his fellow humans, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to grant them in the first place.ANSWERI dated a narcissist for 3 years and had absolutely no idea what I was involved with - I did know, however, that his reasoning seemed to be WAY off. We had lots in common career-wise and where we were in life. There was a huge physical attraction but within about 3 months I could tell something was off. The biggest parallels I see here in behavior are the following: DOES NOT LIKE TO BE IN GROUPS UNLESS HE IS THE CENTER OF IT ALL. I wrote it off as 'shy' or 'antisocial' but I didn't realize the actual reasons behind the fact that he seemed to be completely VOID in social settings. Introducing him to my friends was always a disaster unless they started complimenting him and he began to stand out. He had nothing to contribute to conversations that did not relate to him.CONSTANT NEED FOR FEMALE ATTENTION / SHADY GET RICH QUICK SCHEMES / PORNOGRAPHY & WEB DATING. I took this so personally when I began to realize how slimy he really was, but it didn't come out for about 2 years. I realize now it had nothing to do with my inadequacies. It has everything to do with an inability to please this person. When we started living together I couldn't help but notice that the last websites he had always just been on were pornographic, where he had no doubt spent about 2 hours per day in total. Also, he seemed to belong to more than one dating websites and had 'friends' I usually found out about, had phone bills that uncovered EXTREME contact with other girls and all this while we had a very active sex life and very close friendship (sex daily and phone conversations four and five times a day, even when living together). I actually couldn't even FATHOM having time for any other guys - no wonder he never had his career on lock. He was always so involved in keeping up relationships behind my back, starting covert and sneaky friendships with female neighbors and co-workers of his that he never really finished anything he started. Most of his friends were losers and the ones who were actually cool people seemed to keep him at 'acquaintance' level. His finances were up and down. Although he was an actor he was always at extremes and whenever he had an extra dollar he'd blow it on something frivilous. Saving or paying bills was hardly in his vocabulary.LACK OF EMPATHY TOWARDS OTHERS. I knew he cared but it came in cycles. He'd have neglected me for a while so he'd overdo it to make up for it. Nothing was steady. It would be paradise for a couple of months, almost euphoric, where I was showered with love and affection and then he'd disconnect, and he'd be (as I found out later) newly connected to another female emotionally (phone bills I found showed INSANE amounts of phone calls to girls he'd met just one time). After he would have 'realized' that girl was not all he hoped for or as good as me, he would come back to me and re-connect and we would go back into our 'Honeymoon' again. Finally, after three years, he was doing the disconnection thing and I was over it. I asked when we were gonna get married and move back in together (we had moved out per him) and he just coldly broke up with me, saying he didn't want to live with me or be in a relationship with me. After two months of no contact he tried to tell me he 'loved me more than anyone else in the world' ... it could have gone on that way for years. He really just missed the attention I gave him. He didn't really care how much he had hurt me at all.YOU'RE COMPLETELY INVOLVED IN THEIR LIFE AND YOU ARE A HUGE ASSET TO THEM - BECAUSE YOU DO STUFF FOR THEM. There's a part of you that knows he needs you. Most narcissists aren't the core provider in the relationship - it's YOU who is holding your union together. They are wobbly without your attention, your commitment and your integrity. So you end up becoming all-knowing about their world. They love you because you fight for them, help them when they run into problems, calm them down when their huge delusions haven't worked out (which results in HUGE emotional lows), etc. You feel like this is going to get returned someday but trust me - it WON'T! They start to just expect your level of 'service' and you are somehow just happy to give it. As far as their contribution to YOU and YOUR LIFE? Don't expect much. In the beginning it will be overkill, after a while, their interest in making you happy and doing stuff YOU like is either NON EXISTENT or it's done in order to appease a fight or give them time to do what THEY like to do. It's never done because they were actually thinking about you. Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries are either overlooked altogether or a few token things are hurled at you, most likely bought at a store without much thought. Lots of times they will buy you things THEY like for you. For example, after shopping with my ex, he had shown me a red and white satin bomber jacket that I thought was okay but not exactly my colors or style. I picked out a blue jacket at the same store. For my birthday guess what I got? The red and white one.UNBELIEVABLE LIAR. I put this last but it's without doubt the absolute worst part of what you go through with a Narcissist. At least with this guy. Early on, he had advocated that we always tell each other the truth in all situations. So much so, that he gave me passwords for all of his emails. I found it completely strange but then after telling my girlfriends, felt encouraged that I was with someone who was so gung ho about HONESTY. If someone ever does that, all I can say is: RUN! One by one, the lies started to come. They were small at first, 'I was here; no I was there; my phone was off; I left my phone at work over night.' They were honest mistakes or wires crossed from confusion... but somehow I felt I was going a little mad - How could I confuse information so often with him? He actually made me feel GUILTY for 'forgetting' or 'hearing what he said wrong' and accused me of 'not listening' to him.Don't think this will change! It will get worse! Once this narcissist sees what you are willing to believe and how naive you was at his game he will start basically doing whatever he feels like and tell you absolute whoppers, he will lie as he goes (which is especially fun to watch, since at this point the Narcissist is making stuff up as he goes along, to make a story come together) and then ultimately, blaming you for 'looking' for things.Again, my advice is: RUN! Once you start feeling guilty about going through his things, feeling uneasy when the phone rings and he doesn't answer it, ... RUN! If you love someone you don't let them feel uneasy. The way he felt in the beginning was because he truly wanted to keep me. He wanted to grant all access because he knew what kind of a person he had the capability of being - he KNEW he was a liar. As we got more comfortable, he knew the chances of me going anywhere were slim, so he didn't mind doing things like hiding his phone from me, locking his computer up, keeping me away from his friends altogether (probably because he acted single around them), etc.A huge symptom of this I think is DOUBLE LIFE SYNDROME. A lot of times this person (the Narcissist) is disgusted with their own behavior but in the end, sees it as the only way they will get ahead. If you are a genuine person and they do love you, they will be on the inside DISGUSTED with they way they treat you but don't have the ability to stop. It's a means of survival. So they develop one side of their personality that you are in love with: sweet, charismatic, sensitive and charming. The other side is cold, selfish, lying, cheating, TOTALLY UNSYMPATHETIC and bored/disinterested. The scariest thing is watching the sides go back and forth. Over time you see the mood they are in is based on what is going on in their lives. That totally varies and there's no telling which will trigger which mood. Often times when things are good they forget about you or don't want you around - they don't need you or your support. So they cast you aside. As soon as they are sinking financially, emotionally or are bored/disinterested with another romantic pursuit, they come crashing down and beg for you.Again, this behavior does NOT CHANGE. It is a vicious cycle and whoever they are dating either wakes up quickly to their erraticness or wakes up later... Unfortunately I wasted three years. The good news is that I didn't marry or get pregnant... I also like to tell people what to look for to save others' time and stress and then ultimately terrible heartbreak. Often narcissists have a very sensitive side that makes them become extremely close with their partner. Losing that closeness is like death and it was to me. But now I see clearly that it's NOT TRUE LOVE. Even if they DO love you, you CANNOT live that way. They never find true happiness. They seem like they do: they have many lovers, people seem to want to be part of their lives because they make it seem exciting, but usually the quality of their acitivities, the people in their lives and the quality of the goals they set for themselves are empty, revolve around personal glory ultimately, and usually they lack the follow through to make them happy.
How do you tell if you is a narcissists?
Check here: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/ They do not need all the traits. Just a couple will do it.
