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Michael: [reading complaint] This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer. [flips to another page] Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can. Gah. This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone.

Jim: That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.

Michael: [reading] Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'.

Jim: Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.

Michael: By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier.

Jim: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day.

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