What are examples of inappropriate boundaries between parent and child?

Answer 1

Boundaries between a parent and child, and indeed between any two people in a relationship, are critical to having a healthy interaction. Boundaries help people to know what is expected of them, what they are responsible for in a relationship and how much power they possess. Partners in relationships who do not have good sense of boundaries can be controlling, abusive, dependent or irresponsible; so, then, can parents who do not maintain proper boundaries. It is ALWAYS the parents' responsibility to model and create appropriate boundaries, not the child's. Sexually inappropriate behavior can manifest itself in many different ways, some gross and some extremely subtle, but a red flag is any parent which seems to relate to their child as a peer and fellow adult or even a partner, a parent who encourages ANY kind of behavior which makes a child uncomfortable or the child would not be inclined to on his or her own except for medical needs (e.g. undressing themselves in front of a parent, bathing with a parent when they would rather bathe on their own, being asked to view sexually loaded movies or television.), and, obviously, touching a child's private parts aside from times of genuine medical need or asking for the parent's private parts to be touched. There are other less perverse types of boundary violations, however. A parent who expects a child to be in a care-taking role, for example being expected to listen as a parent vents his or her woes or placating a parent when they become angry or distressed, or even a parent who expects a child to keep them company when they feel lonely, is inappropriate. A parent who imposes him or herself on the child by being verbally or physically abusive, excessively controlling or intrusive, is inappropriate, as is a parent who despite good intentions fails to recognize that their child is no longer a child and now a young adult with changing needs. Conversely, however, a parent who is not emotionally involved with a child's life and meeting a child's needs is also not maintaining good boundaries. A parent who expects a child to know more than they are developmentally capable of knowing is a parent without good boundaries (e.g., a mother who believes her infant is purposefully crying to annoy her despite the fact that infants are not capable of such foresight and understanding). In summation, those are only a few general examples of inappropriate boundaries between parent and child. Hopefully that will give the asker a better grasp of the broad concept so they can specify their question to their needs.