What factors besides a new narcissistic supply might a narcisssist consider when he decides to leave his victim?

Answer 1

One should never underestimate the N. If you have contact with him still, no matter how much knowledge and strength you have, you can be pulled back in. No contact is best.

AnswerThere are only two things ... another victim and control over his ex. Narcissists play mind games to the fullest extent and they have brain-washed their victim well. When they think they have completely controlled their victim they will often use "desertion" to upset their ex victim. They WILL find another person and work on them to gain control. They make a point of usually keeping in contact with the ex victim just enough to unnerve them or not allow them to strengthen themselves so that the victim realizes she can handle life just fine without her ex narcissist partner. It's like fishing with bait. Jiggle a little, let the victim ALMOST have the bait and pull it back.

Fortunately, there are some women that get plain angry and whether they are frightened of being alone (perhaps don't have much money) or feel they just can't make it if they have children, they find the strength within themselves to keep the narcissist from entering her life again. This really throws the narcissist off balance and he/she never likes to admit "the one that got away." His future victims will hear "I left her!" He/she will never admit they were dumped because narcissists are ego-maniacal, selfish, mean, intelligent to the point of crafty like a fox, and are artful at brain-washing. They usually choose women that are loving, kind, wear their heart on their sleeve, are giving and trusting. Every so often a narcissist may go after a hard-nosed career orientated or wealthy woman and can usually woe these women, but it takes more time.

It's a myth that women that get stuck in any abusive relationship are poor, not intelligent, don't work or lack self esteem or independence. There are career orientated women, some famous women that are taken in by a narcissist. Narcissists are extremely giving such as gift-giving, surrounding the woman with beautiful things (sometimes) and can pay more attention to his victim than the average man would to his new girlfriend. This is a means of control and usually women that are treated think they have hit the jackpot with a wonderful and giving man that adores them. 1% of this is true, but for the other 99% they are narcissists or abusers who want complete control of their victim. The next thing the woman knows her narcissist is behind her everytime she turns around (even sometimes turning up at her place of work) and then the questions start .... "Where were you", "Who is that guy I heard you talking too", "I don't like that dress you're wearing", etc. Little by little he is gaining control. It's sneaky and many women can get caught with their guard down.

The trick is for a woman that has realized what her mate is all about is to see the fact she is always in control of herself and can walk out that door at any given time. She can get help from a friend, go to an Abused Women's Center or even to Mental Health, see a lawyer and get what is due her. SHE is free as a bird, but unfortunately some women never seem to realize this and feel trapped, suffocated and doomed for eternity with their narcissist.

AnswerExcellent answers and so very true! It is so affirming to read this. Whenever I have even the slightest of a doubt about whether he was an N (which is insane because there could not be any more evidence than I already have) this type of material serves to solidify my belief. It is exactly right and resonates perfectly!

I did successfully leave (physically), it's been the emotions that have needed to catch up. I figured it out in under a year of being together. I only gave him 'one' second chance. He showed his colors again, and I left for good. That was one year ago.

Even though he was unbelievably charming, seductive, and sexy - I would never trade what I have now for that. My life is free from his mind bending games, extreme control, manipulation, abuse and desertion. By the way, he used desertion is a variety of ways and always to gain control back. It was unbelievable and worked on me every time until I became wise to it. A woman who is more trusting and naive would never stand a chance at breaking free. It must be tormenting for them. I happen to have a healthy sense of skepticism, and finely tuned intuition and discernment. It's been difficult for me to accept he is seducing other women (as we speak) who have no idea, nor the ability to free themselves. I want to warn them and I do have the ability to spread the news. I have refrained for various reasons (some moral).

He has kept in contact of course. I wonder if he kept in contact with any of his ex's prior to me when we were together. It's interesting to read the first answer to this question regarding this. I regret any time I have responded and celebrate the long periods of time without contact. In the end, I did find the strength to get away (and stay away) and thus am "the one that got away" :-). - AlwaysLearning

AnswerMarcy, you described the N perfectly! That's EXACTLY how they operate. The victim thinks things are good. Just when the N shows his supposed loving side, watch out! Then you are deserted. Then just when they see you pulling yourself together they come back and do it all over again. I think they are like sharks. Then once you are really a slave to the cycle of dumping coming back, they will furthur through you off balance, by NOT dumping you at the times when they normally would. This enhances their power as now its so unpredictable, you cannot prepare yourself emotionally. It was a horrible cat and mouse game that I am glad is over! AnswerI'm so happy you are "the one that got away!" Aim for the stars girl!

Answer:

I had been on both sides. At the first whem I was principal and the other the person that was denigrated. And now that she tried to make the same movement with me... Amazing... I could not understand at that very first moment, but I can do it know... I am just in the moment a new "love" has been cached by her... The behavior and mood from her turned sweet and friendly and she began not to let me kiss or going further... I realized about there were other by myself because she told me nothing... My decision is to stay away because I can do nothing... If another one has appear everything is useless. I sow it with the first guy...

If I keep on trying I could get the edge of my mental health. Therefor, although for me is sad and I have feelings of rage at this momment, I think is the best choice to leave her completaly...