What is the funnest joke anyone has ever made?

Answer 1

Here are some (some better than others):

1) A blonde gets tired of all those blonde jokes, so she colors her hair brown. She goes for a drive in the country and sees a sheep farm. She walks up to the sheep farmer and says "If I can guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one?" The farmer looks at the big herd and says, "Sure, go ahead." So she says "347." The farmer is amazed because that is exactly correct. So she goes into the herd and grabs one. "Okay," the farmer says, "now if I can guess what the real color of your hair is, can I have my dog back?"

2) Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here." (He died shortly thereafter.)

3) A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

4) My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Answer 2

no one really knows the funniest joke but there was a contest called LaughLab the winning jokes were

1st place joke

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

2nd place joke

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

and there also have been reports of death by laughing too...

Answer 3

It depends on what you consider to be funny. Blonde/Irish/minority-ethnic-group one-liners are the best for some people, but others prefer a more thoroughly crafted humour such as that of satires or ironies.

Answer 4

i have two ideas on the funniest jokes ever........ may not be funny to some people but still good.

There is a white man, a black man, an Indian man, and an Asian man standing on top of a mountain. The Asian man says "this is for my people" and proceeds to jump off the mountain. The Indian man says "well this is for my people" and then proceeds to jump off the mountain. The black man says "oh yeah well this is for my people" and proceeds to throw the white guy off the mountain.

The smartest man in the world, The greatest adventurer in the world, The greatest pilot in the world, an old man, and a school boy are all on a plane that is crash landing. There are only 4 on board the plane. The worlds greatest pilot yells " i still have many more planes to fly" so he take a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The most adventurous man in the world yells " i have still got so many places to explore" so he takes a parachute and jumps. The worlds smartest man yells "i have still got so much more i need to learn" and takes a parachute and jumps out. The old man turns to the boy and says "ive lived a long life,i ask you to please take the last parachute". The boy looks at the old man and says " its ok you take it, the worlds smartest man took my backpack"

Answer 5

1)One day, there was a hail storm so a man ran into a hotel asking for a room. So the assistant says that there is only one room and it's haunted. So the man says I'll take the room. When he got to his room he heard "I got you, now I'll eat you." Then the man ran out of the room and died from a heart attack. One day later, there was another hail storm and a man ran into the hotel asking for a room. The assistant said that there's only one room, it's haunted, and somebody has already died in there. Then the man says that he'll take the room. When he got to the room he heard "I got you, now I'll eat you." So the man jumps out the window and dies. The next day it was the worst hail storm ever and a women runs into the hotel. She asks for a room. The assistant says that there's only one room, it's haunted, and two men have already died in there. She says "Well, I'm no man!" So she went up to the room and heard "I got you, now I'll eat you." She went to her closet door, opened the door and saw a little boy picking his nose and eating it while saying, "I got you, now I'll eat you.

2) This man went up to this brunette and asks "How do you get your hair like that." She says that it's natural. Then he went up to redhead and asks "How do you get your hair like that." She says it's natural. Then he went up to a green headed girl and asks "How do you get your hair like that?" She says that it's natural while wiping her nose snot into her hair. :p

Answer 6

The one to which the answer was least suspected but most fitting to the hearer

Answer 7

What is it that you cannot hold even ten minute, even though it is lighter than a feather?

answer:

your breath :P

Answer 8

What do you call m&m minis? Smartie poo What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette? A blonde doing cartwheels

Answer 9

what skateborders do ; ride big long hard things (skateboardes)