Does the Bible really say that wives have to obey their husbands?

Answer 1

Yes it does - in a way. But, if you are a wife, don't despair (!) because, when written in context it means something very different from what you might expect.

The reference is Paul's Letter to the Colossians, plus a few other references:-

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. "

Note that straight after the 'submit' statement for the wife, there is also a command that husbands should love their wives. In the Greek original of this letter, Paul implies that husbands should not just be a 'lover' but should be totally self-sacrificing for their wives and never ask them to do something that they would not do anyway to please him. In addition it goes on to imply that as Christians we should all submit,in a way, to each other, as is the Christian way of life (don't forget Jesus said 'The first will be last and the last first', and ' he who humbles himself will be exalted').

In the Church of England 1662 wedding service, (which is still occasionally used even today) one of the vows the bride makes is to 'love, honour and obey' her husband. In return the husband has to promise to 'love, cherish - and worship' his wife. In other words he has to give her her worth (that is what 'worship' or 'worth-ship' means) and never belittle her or expect her to do something that she would not willingly do anyway. The 'obey' statement does not mean 'I'll do as you say whatever - even if I don't want to because you're the boss!' . It actually means something like 'I am willing to say that I will obey you because I love you so much I will place all my trust in you that you will never ask me to do something I do not want to - after all that is what you promised'.

Jesus made it clear that a marriage is not just a partnership. He said that the two individuals become one, and that, in Christian marriage, not even divorce (despite its legal position) should separate a man and wife married in the sight of God. So, the idea that one of the partnership should be 'the boss' is not relevant as the two are not in a 'partnership' but are one entity in the sight of God. One should trust the other implicitly and the other should be self sacrificing for the other. Do that, and that is the basis for a loving - and lasting - marriage.

By the way, I've been married for 32 years, and I've never been 'the boss' - take that as you will!

The Bible says that the husband's job is to protect their wife. the wife should in return love and respect them.

Another answer:

It goes without say that in any relationship someone has to have the final say unless you think married couples should do whatever they want. For instance, let's say a married couple is moving. The husband wants to move to New York, and the wife wants to move to San Diego. Do they just get a divorce? If that's the case, why would God have created marriage in the first place. The Bible says that it is not good for a man to be alone, so God made him a helper! He didn't say he made the woman a helper. Yes the woman is supposed to submit, but, and I say but, the man is not supposed to abuse her, or order her around like a dog. She is supposed to take pride in helping her husband with whatever he needs. Otherwise we end up with a bunch of broken marriages, and broken homes like we have today. Women are not being men's helpers anymore, but instead are becoming their competitors, and and it is tearing families apart.

Answer 2

Yes. The Bible says that the wives should obey the husbands the same thing as husbands obey their wives.

Answer:

Obedience to her betrothed husband used to be part of the marriage vows to which the woman would respond, "I do"... before the world "liberated" itself from the laws of God and decided that He has been wrong all these millennia... [that nobody should be telling anyone what to do... and it's every man for himself. Or at least that's the turn marriage has taken].

The obedience of the woman toward her husband is indeed a biblical command... but not so for the man toward his wife.

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." (I Peter 3:1-2 NIV)

Peter is talking to "believers." Those who see the Truth in God's Word and who seek to obey God.

God created the marriage structure as a pattern, to reveal Himself to us. It's an orderly "chain of command" that allows things to run smoothly and efficiently among its members -- be they few or many. And the marriage structure is the pattern of the relationship between God and His church [Godly, loving, obedient people who WANT to please Him, because of His selfless sacrifice]:

"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with Water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

"In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -- for we are all members of his body." (Eph.5:24-30 NIV)

The "oneness" of marriage is spiritual and physical... and reveals God's "oneness" to us. It's a "oneness" of which man may partake through God's Holy Spirit. That's what makes God's church "one" with Him.

"...Holy Father, protect them by the Power of your Name -- the Name you gave Me -- so that they may be one as we are one." (John 17:11 NIV)

If a woman goes into a marriage thinking, "Oh, no... I have to obey him..." -- that's not love, and it ain't gonna work. It's also the reason why the word "obey" has been dropped from many marriage vows, today.

God commands the obedience of His Children [each individual in His church]... and His collective church [His wife]. Ephesians 5 is a clinic on the marriage structure He created... its chain-of-command, and how "oneness" works.

Oneness is not, "everyone is the same person" [how crass]. Oneness is "working together as a team with purpose toward a common goal" -- in the case of God's marriage structure: So that they might lead happy, joyful, fruitful lives -- throughout Eternity.

What parent doesn't want that for his kids?

"This is a profound mystery -- but I am talking about Christ and the church. [God's perfect picture of marriage!]

"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (verses 32-33)

Additional Answer:

The above answer is spot on :) Just a point or two to consider. Humans are formed in God's image and likeness. In any situation with more than one person, there must be someone to take charge and lead or disaster is near. In the God Family, the Father is the ultimate head and the Son next. The Father in godly love gives all to His Son, and in return the Son in godly love does the Father's will without question. The 'government' or family functions in perfect harmony.

Marriage for mankind is intended to be like the God Family. The husband or man, who was '1st born' is the head and the woman or helpmeet is in the role of helper, companion, etc. making both of them more complete. We each become fully complete with the begettal of God's Holy Spirit and eventual birth in the God Family as sons and daughters.