Issues related to how people feel about themselves, and questions that indicate unhealthy emotional adjustment or negative beliefs about the self.

3,056 Questions
Dreams and Dream Interpretation

What do dreams about cheating on your partner mean?


To dream that you are cheating on your spouse, mate, or significant other, suggests feelings of self-guilt and self-betrayal. You may have compromised your beliefs or integrity and/or wasting your energy and time on fruitless endeavours. Alternatively, it reflects the intensity of your sexual passion and exploring areas of your sexuality. It is a reaffirmation of your commitment. To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem.

Dreaming that you are having sex with someone other than your partner may mean several things. Again, since everything in dreams is symbolic, including sex, the sex act itself must be interpreted using the lens of symbolism. Sex in dreams often means unity - becoming one with something. In a dream, this unity may be expressed by sexual union with someone who is symbolic of something important to you. For example, if you dreamed you were cheating with someone famous, it could mean that you desire more recognition or it could mean that you are giving yourself the recognition and value you deserve. Look at who you are having sex with and what they represent to you - this is a huge step in discovering what the dream itself means.

Dreams of cheating may also be dreams of wish-fulfillment. Perhaps you have become infatuated with a person outside of the relationship. Dreams of sleeping with that person are ways that one can have the experience without the devastating consequences! If you continue having dreams of this sort, look at your relationship and see if your sex life is lacking. Talk with your partner and see if there are ways in which you can improve your sex life.


How is self esteem related to success?

it is far easier for people with self esteem to respect success, even if it is their own, and in many cases especially if it is their own.

If you have poor self esteem then you don't have the chance to become successful, or it will be much harder to become successful.


How does society influence self esteem?

at school, if students are encouraged and praised by their works, their self-esteem may increase.

if they are being abused by their parents, friends, or other people, they may lose self-esteem.

too much peer pressure may also affect self esteem.

Another answer:

Each society has its own standards for what individuals should be, should strive for, should accomplish, should feel...etc. There are societal "norms" for just about every human characteristic. As children growing up, we are introduced to these expectations through our parents, friends, siblings, television, teachers, the list goes on and on. Even how we see strangers living can influence our opinion of what we should measure up to. Some of these we are not even aware of. For instance, if you are a female, you may have been brought up to believe that to be a "real" woman you should be docile, forgiving, submissive, quiet and pretty. This indoctrination can begin to occur at a VERY early age. A 3 year old girl may be allowed to cry, while a 3 year old boy may be told to "toughen up and bear it." If your natural tendencies go against what society has taught you to be, then it can affect your self esteem greatly. So if you believe that success means having a house with x amount of rooms and bathrooms and a car that costs x amount of dollars, and that you should have these things by x number of years, and you don't, then your self esteem takes a blow. The best way to be is to realize that you have the power to form your own ideas and opinions about what is beautiful, successful, etc. Set your own "best". Reject those societal ideas that don't fit you as an individual. It's a hard task to do, but the more you learn to appreciate your intrinsic value as an individual, the easier your self esteem will rise.


How do school uniforms build self esteem?

There is no research evidence that they do. However, the popular assumption is that uniforms

1. instill discipline.

2. equalize everyone a little more, so students won't feel as left out or less significant than other students in better clothes.

Unfortunately, there is research evidence that shows simply equalizing everyone does not work in building self-esteem. Self-esteem is actually built through successfully mastering something new, and through attempting goals and reaching them.

Anxiety Disorders

What foods raise serotonin levels?

1 Food sources that help with serotonin production - foods high in B-vitamins (brown rice, chicken, corn ,eggs, green leafs, legumes, meat, nuts, peas, sunflower seeds, nutritional yeast), Calcium (almonds, brewer's yeast, green leafs and cruciferous vegetables, fish with bones, sesame seeds, tofu), Magnesium (green leafs, brown rice, sesame seeds, shrimp, salmon) and Tryptophan (turkey, soy foods, peanuts, almonds).

2 Essential fatty acids necessary for serotonin production are the omega 3's (fish oils found in mackerel, salmon, sardine, tuna; walnut oil, flax oil) and 6's (canola oil, chicken, eggs, flax, grape seed oil, safflower oil, sunflower oil, turkey, wheat germ oil) as well as Gamma-Linolenic Acid (black current oil, bluegreen algae, borage oil, evening primrose oil). I've also read that most people have an excess of omega 6's and need to decrease the amount of 6's in their diet in order for the 3's to function well. I guess most of us are lacking in 3's.

3 Long-term stress depletes serotonin levels. Short term stress actually increases serotonin, but after time you get burn-out and it becomes increasingly difficult for the body to produce serotonin. So reduce stress--this can be as simple as adding exercise and meditation to the daily routine or as life changing as choosing to leave a really stressful job.

4-Avoid stimulants because they deplete serotonin over time--this works the same was stress does. We're talking things like caffeine, refined carbohydrates, chocolate, sugar as well as the heavier stimulants like cold remedies, alcohol, street drugs, diet pills and tobacco.

Taken from Alpha Online A Division of Environmed Research

Neurotransmitters Serotonin

Serotonin is similar to catecholamines. It is made from the amino acid, tryptophan. Serotonin is converted to melatonin in the pineal gland. Tryptophan, derived from food, is transported to the brain to make the neurotransmitter serotonin. At the appropriate place inside a brain cell, two enzymes and vitamin B6 transform tryptophan to serotonin. Serotonin is then transferred to the sending end of the neuron (the terminal bouton of the axon), where it is used as a molecular messenger to carry information across the synapse to the receiving neuron. ...

Serotonin production is sensitive to the supply of tryptophan in the diet. The effects of serotonin were first observed in the digestive tract where it causes contractions of the smooth muscle. Serotonin is released from blood platelets and elevates blood pressure. Serotonin circuits arise from the brain stem arousal complex and reach into all areas of the brain. Increased serotonin circuit activity tends to activate abnormal behaviors. Too little serotonin is associated with sleep disturbances, loss of appetite and depression. Some antidepressant drugs increase serotonin activity and these drugs tend to decrease appetite.

Serotonin itself isn't in food. It's a neurotransmitter released into the synapse and bloodstream. However, certain foods cause serotonin to be released like candy, cereal and pasta. Anything with plenty of carbohydrates will increase serotonin levels. However, the effects won't last long, maybe only 2-3 hours.

Please don't discount chocolate in an emergency , especially for women .I don't drink alcohol, but chocolate cheers me up niceely.

Speech Writing

Self confidence comes from not always being right but not fearing to be wrong can some one give you a 3 min speech on this?

Self Confidence is basically having confidence in yourself. You dont always have to be right, self confidence comes in here about knowing you were wrong and learning from your mistakes and utilizing the mistake and turn it into an opportunity to help you in the long run, like my old teacher said Benjamin Franklin didn't event electricity on his first try, and neither will you.


What are some things that can make you feel sad?

losing someone you love or care about, not being able to do something you really want to do that's really important or that you like,having to do something that you don't want to do that's disturbing, bad, or embarrassing and then doing them.

Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

How do you start over after an abusive relationship?

First thing to do is to Start. There is plenty of help out there and people who will help you see it through. Follow the advice, step by step, and don't rethink every decision. I found my way out and you can, too! A year or two out of the situation you will find yourself afloat and content.

You don't need to figure it all out ahead of time, just keep moving forward. You cannot fix the past, but you sure can affect your future.

The best book I found: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.

I can relate to all of this as I read everyone's story of abuse and not being treated well.

Let's just say to make this short and sweet - the first day that my so called love of my life laid a hand on me physically by punching me in the stomach not long after our son was born from a c-section, I knew that it was going to be downhill if I did not get out of this horrible situation.

After almost a year of feeling sorry for myself, putting myself down, thinking what did I do to deserve this etc, I woke up and started to do all the great things that are mentioned below.

I went to counseling and found out that I was codependent due to my childhood.


I started to find my spiritual side and found God. I find time for myself by working out and eating healthy. I spend quality time with my son. I work full time and have always had my head on straight with my career. I am building a future so I truly can rely on myself. I am going back to school to get a third degree to secure my future for myself and my son. I can tell you what helped me when I went through the rough patches as I know there will many upon the healing process for all of you STRONG WOMEN out there. One thing I can emphasize here is that if you dig deep enough - you will find that you are STRONG and can do anything you put your heart and soul into. You just have to have the courage and confidence to believe that you can change all of this but it really is up to you to do so. Some great books to read as you go through your journey of change/love of self:

Ditch That Jerk - Dealing with Men Who Control and Hurt Women. (I know - funny title but really is sincere with what the author has to say) Pamela Jayne, MA

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men - Lundy Bancroft

In summary - I want to tell you STRONG WOMEN out there and yes - you are all STRONG WOMEN no matter what your situation - that you can make your lives a better, more confident and safe,happy place for YOU and YOUR CHILDREN.

God bless and hope you find peace in my suggestions! You can do it! :)

In the aftermath of abuse, finding a job is the least of your problem. The first - and most crucial - task is emotional healing.

How do you start over? How do you leave, take care of yourself and your kids? How do you abandon a life and a world you know well?

It is not easy. But you will die emotionally or be physically abused if you stay. Your children are not blind, and they are in as much pain as you are. You all need to be safe, and to experience new ways of solving problems and relating to others. Chances are that they are already showing signs of the trauma of your relationship.

So you have choice, and it is up to you to find a safe place. There is an awful lot of description of abuse, of how and why a narcissist works--but not so much on how to deal with it, how to get out and beyond.

One of the interesting things about an abuser is that he sees only his version, his world. If he is self-involved, and not watching you closely, you can get smart, and make plans to leave safely.

Make your life start to count. Find a social agency, a half-way house, talk to a divorce lawyer, get yourself informed. Find out what your legal rights are. Is there money or a chequing account in case you need to take some to survive for a while? Snoop around his life. Is he having an affair, or has he had one? Has he done anything that is a secret? Tax evasion?

Get the evidence. Put all your documents and those of your kids in one place. Get yourself your own credit card and start paying it off so you have some credit. Start your own bank account if you don't have one.

And just keep smiling and crying and doing what you have to, while working hard to make the transition as safe and successful as possible. If you are being physically abused, you do not have much time. If you can, document hospital or doctor visits, and just leave.

How do you start over? You just do.The most important thing is taking care of yourself. And if you have children, getting them out of a bad place.

The hardest thing I had to do was to stop blaming my husband, and look at how I contributed to the disease of the relationship. Why did I allow myself to be so humiliated? Why did I believe him when I knew he was lying? Why was I so in need of his approval and love when he treated me so badly? Why did I not deserve kindness and comfort?

That was the moment when I really started to 'start over'. My kids have seen me move from utter despair to the work in progress which I am now. We share a very different life now--and no one is in pain, we solve problems or at least find understanding, and I have found that there are doors opening that I never knew were there.

It is easy to blame your husband. All that does is make you his victim again. And it is easy to feel it is all your fault, because you have been told that for a long time. In a while you will be able to stand back and see who you were, what you want to change so it never happens again. A good therapist can really help here. And your kids will need someone to talk to as well.

I grieved. I thought the world was at an end. I was hysterical and depressed. I pleaded with him to come back. I was terrified of the world, embarassed, humiliated. It has been a long journey to disconnect the painful parts of myself which allowed me to be part of such a sad dance.

Take yourself off to a bookstore or the library for a day. Read things. Everything. The junky stuff, the psychiatric tomes, anything. Find something that makes sense to you.

Begin by making a little list of small things you can do for yourself which give you pleasure. Everyone tells you to do that. It takes time to actually do it like you mean it. Get your hair done, a massage. Take lots of baths. Get a friend to make you a list of funny movies to watch. Sit down and watch television with your kids.

Call your friends, tell them the truth. Ask for help. It is out there. And stay away from your abuser. Do not contact him, phone him or see him. YOu need time and space to figure things out. If you need to be in touch--use email. It allows you to communicate on your terms, and you can always rewrite and edit your messages.

I know this all sounds like things out of a self-help book--all I am trying to say is that there is no one way to start over except by leaving, really leaving it all behind, by taking responsibilty for yourself and your kids into your own hands and just making life work. You already know how hard it can hurt. Could it be any harder if it was just up to you?

The advice from anonymous was absolutely correct. Email is an excellent way to talk, but realize one thing that when you express your true feelings, he will lash out through email also. But that you can totally control and NOT read if it's too painful. You have a bit of control there. You have to tell them when they try to call that email is better for you and right now, that's all you can give.

I have just left an abuser (every man I have dated, married, etc has been this way). I am now hitting 37 and I still can't figure out why I keep picking them. There is some logic that I found which might explain some of why- it's as if I am trying to re-do my past and fix what went wrong with my dad and I's relationship. He was very abusive to my mom and very neglectful to us kids.

To give you a bit of history, I've been abused mentally and physically by men, my boys have been abused in every form possible- including sexual. One year we moved 13 times, just to get away from a particular abuser who was a stalker. I've stayed at three shelters, lived with many friends and now I find myself living with friends again.

I found out that I was grieving something that never really existed- this so called perfect life that I thought would last forever. Just like the books read, he is going to therapy NOW, trying to send me cards daily NOW- but he has not changed. He says he's sorry over and over, but it doesn't change the past.

I tried to express my anger and fear in a confident way, I got one of the most defensive emails I have ever read back from him. My stuff is still in the house, so I smoothed over things in an email back- only just until I get my stuff. Then he can go pound salt for all I care. This is the man that I thought was my soul mate, so kind and everything in the beginning until one day I started to realize he wasn't any better than the rest. He abused boys who have been through the most traumatic abuse ever and thought he was justified in doing it.

The thing that blows my mind is that I have been through 4 years of therapy and still I find one in the crowd that is abusive. Today I am totally numb to my feelings for him. I read as much books on the subject I can get my hands on, I talk to friends when I am lonely, I still cry and feel scared, but it's so much different than when I was there. I'm scared of starting over again. But, I remember two bad incidents for every one good incident there was. My kids have been troopers throughout. They know that I will love and protect them with all I have.

Don't worry about too much except for staying sane and being safe. Get help through the system, get counciling, read books and don't date for a long time. Don't think that you 'might' find a Mr. Perfect out there- it's true that they are out there, but they are looking for a confident put- together woman, not one who just came out of an abusive relationship. This might be hurtful words, but I've been down that path too many times to count thinking that I needed to find my soul mate.

The bad ones prey on us victims because at first they claim to think it's totally wrong to hit, yadda yadda yadda. It's as if we put out a signal to the bad ones and they find us no matter what because we get used to some form of abuse and think it's better than what we had before that.

Remember these words: A real man will love you unconditionally for all your faults and all that you are. He might even think that your faults are cute.

I have yet to find a real man who loves me that way and loves my boys unconditionally, but then again I am not totally put together. I am committed to me and my boys for now.

It ia always difficult leaving an abusive partner as they will always seem to manipulate and control you into thinking that they are truly sorry or that they are prpared to change. In my experience this is not so and have found out he treated people after me the same. ALways ensure you are safe. inform the police of the incidents that occur, telephone calls, stalking events emails txt messages. threats towards you, get dates and times. build a profile on this person. I say person as it isn't just men that abuse! Remember that you deserve better, love and respect is not the way an abusive partner treats you. be strong move on and enjoy your life as it should be. seek counselling, help others in the same situation. it has helped me . Possitive things come from negative situations a stronger and more reliant you. take care.

The only way an abusive man will stay away is to have absolutley no contact with him. Remember you don't owe him anything. Get your number changed, take different routes to work and stay away from him. Try having coffee with new men that will treat you kind, but avoid a relationship until your over him. Try new things and meeting new people. Take care of your appearance, pamper yourself. Most of all, realise that its over and move on. Life is too short and the world has too many men, too waste on heartache. Set your expectations high, if you don't, noone will. Good luck.

After ending yet another abusive relationship I am so fed up with myself. Okay I got divorced, it went through in Novemeber. Then I meet this even worse man who plays all sorts of headtrips going from extreme affection one day to totally ignoring me the next and telling me he feels nothing for me and that hes ending it cause he is using me then he goes to all sweet again. I finally got so sick of it I told him right off I mean I lowered myself to his level but I eneded it and finally got a I am in avoidance cause Im not sure if he will contact me after I called him all those names and I just want it to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just started this new job with alot of men around and im pleased..............i guess i don't understand why that man played with my emotions.........time to let go.........................I also am confused cause I was way too good for him and he never realised that...he told me he wasnt "ready" to say nice things (compliments) to me.

I am 25 years old with two children. My husband is not a big time hitter. He just plays mind games. It is like he looks at woman as an object for sex and slavery. He made me feel crazy and mean. He would never satisfy my emotional needs... like communication, friendship etc... he would always make sure and take care of himself and everything he wanted but when it came to me he did not have a soft place for me. He is loving if we have sex... when we don't he rarely spoke to me. He always picked the movies, he always manipulated his way into getting what he wanted. In short, he is a taker and I am a giver and it was just all screwy. I know he is bad for me. I think I keep hoping it will be better or think about the positive things... there are some. I think he enjoys seeing me in pain and he wants me to gravel over him. I simply don't want to do it.

He knows all the buttons to push and all the things to do to make me feel worthless. The more worthless I feel the more I want him to approve of me and love me. The more I want him to approve of me the more he kicks me down and hurts me... Finally I get strong and am assertive and walk away... then he comes back and seems sweet and like he is honest and cares for me... Once I care for him it is a weekness, then he treats me disrespectfully again and then I want him to care for me and again goes the cycle. I think this is one form or cycle of mental and verbal abuse. NOTE to this author: You are absolutely right that it is abuse--just doesn't show on the outside. And, the cycle is very typical--keeps you guessing, huh? Take your kids and run for the future. Your kids will pick up this "disease" and your leaving is the best way to avoid that. Get help and advice...and take it forward.

Start over? He/she abused you... you can't start over. Just distance yourself, and have good will in your heart for them (if you can).

The first and most important thing is to end all contact. I mean to have absolutley no contact with the person. Any form of communication on their part will be to entice, manipulate, control and degrade you into coming back. These types are cruel. Once an abuser sees you getting stronger they will resort to all sorts of tactics to regain control. DONT FALL FOR IT! The first while will be an emotional rollarcaoster. Its best to really nuture yourself. If you can afford it buy some new clothes or even a thrift shop outfit. Do a facial, haircut. Take care of yourself. Go for walks, cry, listen to music. Do writing in a journal. Surround yourself with positive. Write down the facts of your situation as well as your feelings. He will never change, he will never treat me well. In time the pain lessens and you move on.

I can really relate to the personal humiliation as an emotionally abused and physically abused person in a relationship that has lasted to long. First you have to move from victim to victor! This takes you to love yourself and surrounding yourself with positive people who are supportive of you as a person. Don't be quite it happend you can not blame yourself but embrace yourself, read articles about signs of abuse (both emotional/physical) so that you can see the actions of the abuser for what they are and separate your heart from your mind so that you can see the truth! Its always been there. Secondly cut off all contact with the person. This can be difficult but it protects you from the manipulative ways of the abuser who will play on your "heart strings" to attempt to control you again. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Reconnect with friends you may have isolated yourself from and tell your story the more you get it out of you the better you will feel this can be in a journal or through art. Like all others that have commented, he will never change no matter how much you have or would have given. Time will heal your wounds move from victim to victor!!!!

There's a lot of good advice here. Yes, cut off all contact if possible. Sever all emotional ties, and then cauterize them in fire or ice. The book the Verbally Abusive Relationship, I'd highly recommend that one too. I'd recommend reading it a couple times in a row. Cognitive therapy, to train your mind and emotion patterns away. If you have a social deficit, I found How to Win Friends and Influence people very beneficial to learning social skills, charm, etc, and to gain confidence. Religion, I utilize both the Christian faith and practice Buddhist mindfulness. I found group therapy for DV very soothing.

Speaking from personal experience, during a vulnerable time of very poor health, hospitalizations, and heavily medicated for a condition eventually resolved by surgery, fell into my first and only abusive relationship, with what turned out to be a psychotic sociopath, malignant narcissist. These things happen, read Job a lot. Ended up in a confidential dv shelter, he would imprison, suffocate, strangle, rape, etc ... and verbal abuse of course. The PTSD eventually resolved.

I hugely recommend plans. Day, week, month, year, 5 year, 10 year plans. Take the time to make these plans, even if it takes a half day, heck a couple days. List what you need. Education, health, career, money, social skills, divorce, whatever, and make a plan with time frame how to get what you need. Need to re-establish job history by working minimum wage jobs a couple years? Put it in there. Need to get major surgery? Put it in there.

Whatever you need to do, figure out a way, and make a plan. I can't over-recommend careful planning and thinking ahead. It is just as important in the post abusive relationship phase. Allow yourself the time to recognize issues and make plans to remedy issues.

I can't give the answer to being able to be emotionally intimate again. Been 4 years free for me, much much happier now. Some days I'm just surprised how nice life is. Got my kids I love to death, they the lodestone. Everybody else I'm nice and friendly to, but ... except for toughies and war vets who been there done that too, it still hard to get close to people. Aside that, I've been able to plan and accomplish to get all the other ducks lined up in a row.

Human Behavior

How come it seems like no one likes me?

  • You seem to be your own worst enemy. You are just guessing what other people think of you and therefore not making an effort to make friends with anyone and the only way you can do that is by being nice; asking how the other person is doing; talk about their interests in life and let them know what your interests are and perhaps ask them to go to a movie, etc. You have to make an effort and it is dangerous to guess what others think of you. All humans go through life with some people liking them and others not and you cannot win everyone over no matter how nice a person you are.

Health psychology focuses on?

by definition, health psychology is the field of psychology that studies the relationship between psychological factors and the prevention as well as treatments of physical health problems.

Focuses of health psychology includes researching the following:

-psychological factors that instigate physical illness

-how people can deal with stressors

-stress and pathogens

-what causes people to decide that they should seek health care

-psychological interventions, including health education and behavior modification.

source:Psychology concepts and connections

Media and Research Update

Spencer A. Rathus

Sociopathy (Psychopathy)

Can you manipulate a narcissist?

ANSWER: I lived with my N for 6 months in HIS home. He told me I needed to move because someone else was moving in. I found a place of my own. The morning of my move, he didnt believe me that i was REALLY moving. The next day, he showed up at my new place and hasnt left MY residence in 6 months. I let him use me for warmth all winter, fed him, washed his clothes and paid for nights out. Last week, I said to him "GAME OVER. ONE NARCISSIST TO ANOTHER, YOU THINK THIS APARTMENT IS REAL?" "WELL, ITS NOT!!! I BOUGHT A HOUSE ELSEWHERE AND THIS IS JUST FOR KICKS!" The look on his face was priceless. I told him "I ALWAYS TOLD YOU, ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER" He believes i am an N too (for the record, I am NOT) I just needed im out of my life. I havent heard from him in just over a week. It feels great. His mind is racing and it is HIM that is looking back and questioning where did HE go wrong, and how could he have not seen it.

Yes you can and its rather easy to do so playing on their ego.

I think we wonder if this is possible...if we can get them back for the sake of revenge and healing and ultimately understanding. I think that to others these people are transformative. You meet them at a certain point in your life and they will change you. You determine if it is for the better or for the worse. At first you try to figure out what the problem is and how to resolve it. Why does this person behave this way -- much the way we try to figure out how to prevent a tragedy once one has occurred. I think if you reach the point of arguing and you argue back you may have a difficult time manipulating. When I met the one I knew, one of the first things I said to him is, "I am using you". At some point later he told me that I was the most intelligent person he'd ever met. I think in general my life has been made better in knowing him and I think it has helped me understand some elements in my self that are closed off from emotion.

Somebody who uses you also gives you power over them, and the more they use you the more power they give you ... think about it.

A very simple example is that if someone uses you as a meal ticket they have also given you total control over their financial welfare. They are dependent upon you not to see that aspect.

As long as you are used you are useful, and as long as you are useful you have considerable power at your disposal, if you choose to use it to manipulate.

HOWEVER, should you choose to manipulate anyone, particularly for self gratification?

If you start to manipulate as a way of life what kind of person will you become? I am tempted to say:

What does it profit a man if he gains a whole host of Narcissists, but loses his soul.

I considered manipulation only an option once I discovered he was an N 'and' I felt I was in danger certainly emotionally/psychologically but also physically. I needed to get my life's belongings from him and move out of town easily and safely. So basically, I didn't ruffle any feathers. I never let on to the seriousness of the situation (for me), I didn't truly express how awful he was making me feel, and I kept my true opinions to myself. This worked. But that's the furthest I took it and it was in the form of self defense. Otherwise, I would caution everyone here to think very carefully about learning how to manipulate. As honest and truly good hearted of a person I am, when I did even the the most minor of manipulation (above), I still had a taste of what you can gain from manipulation and how it could become addicting, or at least a bad habit.

I made a conscience decision (as I have many times throughout my life) to 'be different' than my abusers. Becoming in 'any' way like them makes us no different. For me, I choose the higher road and strive for something better. I KNOW for a fact if I were to manipulate, I would feel terrible about myself, I would lose self-respect and in the end, it would only bring me unhappiness for the person I've become and those that have been hurt in the wake of my poor choices.

There is TOO much suffering in this world. We can only control US and can choose not to contribute to the already alarming degrees of suffering on this earth. Every day you do not cause harm, you are actively reducing the amount of suffering and pain in the world. That is a great way to end your day - knowing you have made a difference toward making this world a better place and leaving a legacy (because it is contagious) of goodness rather than that which can only lead to pain and agony (either within yourself or in the heart and soul of another).

Again, an N is easy to manipulate but so were each of us who got involved with one and how did that make us feel? "Paying it forward" in this case only perpetuates the very thing that caused our greatest suffering and the need for a site like this in the first place. Leaving the N and moving on to love and live, is the best legacy each of us can leave. I say this to myself as much as I say it to you. Best wishes, AlwaysLearning

I don't think this question was actually really answered directly, so allow me to put my 2 cents here.

I think a n can be manipulated to an extent, but they are VERY VERY DISCERNING and QUICK, so I wouldn't advise you trying to DUPE them. They catch on very swiftly to your attempts at "beating them at their own game" and the "what's good for the goose, is good for the gander" will get your goose COOKED IN SHORT ORDER!

I'm in the process of trying to 'get back at' my ex N and have had to go through some pretty elaborate planning to get this going. I can't even begin to explain the 4 months of madness I experienced with this person. I have been able to manipulate her verbally to meet up with me for dinner, but I think she knows I'm up to something. It might be impossible.

Oh my goodness yes you can manipulate a narcissist as long as you don?t allow him to know that you know he is one. Depending on what it is you want from him will depend on how you play out the scenario. A narcissist loves to help, be of assistance, and show his power, because he thinks that the end result will win him loads and loads of admiration and adornment and it will give him a reason to be able to ask you for something in return. Not that you have to gratify him by any means you can always say, ?something has come up?, ?I threw it away?, ?I can?t seem to find it?. You get my point. I was married to a narcissist for 9 years before he walked out the door in pursuit of having sex with as many women as he could charm the pants off of. The dear man ended up with genital herpes, and a yeast infection all over his face. He called me Princess until the day he left than I became a witch. He is so cute when he gets all angry and foul because he doesn?t realize he is his own worst enemy. I don?t get angry with him, or yell or scream nor do I compliment him or sooth him I just stand with a smile on my face and stare. I know I sound really horrible, but really I?m not it?s more like being at a sideshow. I get all sorts of things from him just by playing out the scenario to fit what ever it is I want. Need some more help just ask. Remember the narcissists life is a drama waiting to be played out.

Yes, I have many more questions. I am married to a bad one apparently. I would love to talk to you more to compare notes, gain some insight as I am just finding out about this although Im not quite sure how to contact you. I am new to this site. I am desperately trying to learn how to deal with him. thanks!

Yes, it seems possible to manipulate an " N" as long as you do not let them know you are on to them. Mine would go to great lengths to show his abilities. It seems such a waste of an otherwise brilliant mind. Also, as stated by others, they are clever and fast, so be careful if you choose to step into this water.

Yes, I think it is possible to manipulate a narcissist. Narcissists are clever, but fools. Self-denial of reality and their problems makes them fools. Fearless and often stupid selfish transparent fools. They become very caught up in the pursuit of obtaining something from you. They sometimes get entangled in their own dependency and lies. A con-artist rides on the bet he can run his game on a mark. He rides it out to the end. A narcissist is clever, but remember he does not see himself or others yes, it'd be possible to use his very pride to string him along to get what you want. Sometimes, you just can't help but resort to using their tactics to protect yourself. Don't make it easy for them to keep taking.

If someone started physically attacking you, you would be justified in using force to defend yourself. A narcissist attacks usually attacks in sneaky, nonphysical manners; therefore you must defend yourself appropriately. If manipulation works, so be it; he certainly doesn't give his behavior toward you a second thought. Look at manipulation of a narcissist as emotional self defense.

Narcissists are "abuse controlled". They lack a sense of self worth. They are controlled by the "judges" in the room, or by the people who judge others on some self worth measuring stick. So, first, to manipulate a narcissist, give them a personal compliment that starts with "You are ..." that shows you measure people's self worth. Example: "Oh wow, I can't believe you figured that out. You are so smart." Or, you can ridicule others with the narcissist and imply that he is better than other people. The narcissist's self worht will start to rise. These are "pleasure nuggets" for a narcissist. After you've hooked the narcissist with a "pleasure nugget", deliver them a very covert underhanded nugget of pain. Give them an abusive comment that is so subtle, underhanded, unexpected, or humerous that they can't fight back. Like, "oh, you're married? Who's the unlucky woman?" Or, just do it through body language and look down your nose at them or snort with smart-assness at something they say that is a little ridiculous. The more subtly you do this, the more effective it is. Then, the narcissist will play the "rat game" for you. If you give a rat a piece of good food when it pushes a lever, it will keep pushing that lever even if the lever starts delivering it surges of pain. The narcissists will try harder and harder to get you to deliver another "pleasure nugget". And, they won't mess with you as much because they'll be too scared that you'll fight back.

I was (and am still kinda) involved with a narcissist of the cruellest kind. My experience of manipulation was not very successful cause this guy was clever, scaringly can sucessfully manipulate a narcissist when you detatch yourself from them emotionally. I say this because when the narcissist finds out about the deceipt be prepared for the heave-ho. You can also only manipulate them when they are requiring something from you, eg, your love, awe etc. If they don't want anything from you then you are as good as thrown on the rubbish tip and you wont even get to say 'boo', let alone manipulate them. Narcissists are the greatest discarders of other people so you really need to have some impact on their lives, no matter how small. Remember a narcissist will only be foolishly manipulated if he thinks he has control over you...he is not interested in anyone or anything he cannot control; hence not many narcissists like cats but are ok with dogs. But don't be a dog. If you are with one of these parasites think about leaving them because trust me they will leave you, physically. Emotionally they were never ever really there anyway.

I say YES. The only way to really do it is to no longer be caught up in the illusion. By that time you might not want to take the time. It was part of my personal weening process. It seems against my value system and I am not necessarily proud of being able to figure out this kind of process...but it did help me get away from him. So I needed to do what ever it took to detach& accept reality, more to the point his reality. I myself tested out a mechanical like word process. I yelled when I was suposed to yell just so that I could storm off and get back home to my own bed.All the things that he knows are good ways of pushing buttons, I just smiled and seemed interested in rather than aposed to. I also tried on an old role that at one time was natural to me not super imposed and that was to act as a child, slightly demanding yet playful. It was funny just watching him have to acess the new info and work with it. This usually brought up anger, surprize surprize. it really didn't matter what I did. I could do the same thinngs and get all smiles and cheers one scene and absolute disdain the next. It got boring. Nothing was really happening. Eather way it is a lot of work. The one thing I did not want to do is really become so hateful/self consumed that I would actually enjoy the process of manipulation. That did not happen. I really just got tired & bored of the routine, cycles and at some point dis apointment was in the past and experiencing something real, truly connective and wonderful was on my desire list for things to do with my energy. Another thing, the manipulation is in my mind. he will never know about it because he is blind to his actions.

I found out that my N was an N at the same time his best friend did. We compared notes and found out that this N was manipulating, isolating and playing us both. We decided to get rid of him, so together we concocted a plan that dealt him seveal irreversible 'blows'. We orchestrated the scenerio (without breaking any laws) and he didn't even know i was involved. It was important that he did not know of my involvement because he was violent yet his exfriend was not scared of him. His friend has some juicy dirt on him so he won't go after him, he'll likely just move on. So far, the manipulation has taken 4 months and is finally winding down. I have the desired distance to become 'detatched' from him so I don't get drawn back in. We did get back at him and turned one of his own games on him. It worked and hopefully he will just move on.

My advice is not to go out and seek to manipulate or get revenge on an N, but allow yourself to get good and angry, it's part of the healing process and get out of the relationship without delay.

If you have the opportunity and the support, by all means, plan your attack and make sure you make no mistakes. N's are clever and it truly amazed me how suspicious they are. The can see what you are doing if they are not involved (this N's mother - also an N - recognized one of my manovers and called me on it, it's like she had xray vision into my soul! Very scary. She was not involved in the revenge-chase away plot but I'm sure she has coached him to get rid of me and my his exfriend. It was like writing a screen play, every detail, timing and angle had to be worked out. We are both Non's and it was so exhausting. I can only imagine the energy the Narcissit exudes on a daily basis trying to create a world of their own vision.

Been there, but don't recommend it unless it's to truly save, protect or mfg. a way to get the N out of your life. Be careful and it's best doing it with another non that has discovered the same N's deceptions.

Yes, definitely, I think narcissists have been the victim of other narcissists at some point during their young life, and got hurt. They learned to detect other narcissists and avoid them... that is how they became narcissists themselves....

I don't think any narcissists want to be narcissists, i mean... at least they probably want to have a taste of what it is on the other side, to really feel.. and to let yourself go...

but they scared and at the least hitch theyll get back in their shield.

So why don't yall people try to find a way of helping them instead of finding ways of being cruel to them. This talk doesnt really encourage them to change.

I think you can manipulate a narcissist.. If you are a potential source of narcissistic supply the more leverage you have I suppose..

These answers are all super helpful. I recently had my first experience with an N that I was conscious of (though I think I'd been exposed to them quite a bit as a child), and it was super super painful. He's still trying to paint me as a horrible person, for instance telling me "I hope you are more in touch with reality now" in a really patronizing way, as though I were the one with all the problems.. hehe the ironies run deep in our interactions.

I want to address that second most recent answer, about why don't we find a way of helping them instead of being cruel. What I want to say to that is that many many people do try to help narcissists, all the time. At least, that is my impression. For instance, I gave hours and hours of my time to my recent N buddy.. doing spiritual and energy work with the guy, and counseling him on his past etc etc. In fact it was even working for a little bit, and he would kind of calm down.. but then, he would come up against the wall of his own incompetence (usually on some minor technical matter, he claimed to be able to do "everything" so it wasn't hard for these failures to crop up), and the tables would then turn viciously and suddenly. Faced with the task of avoiding his own imperfection, he would start to attack my sense-of-self & self-esteem in meaner ways than ever.

And I agree, that most of them probably don't want to be this way, however for now I am still doubtful as to whether they can be helped just by a friend or lover. Maybe in a more formal rehab program though I don't think those exist yet for N's (pity!).

At this point, I am still in the anger/healing phase.. and the part that upsets me the most is that I gave him all kinds of opportunities and new contacts throughout our friendship and now I fear he is trying his hardest to turn those people against me... because, he knows that I have seen through his lies, but some of them are still duped cuz its still such a recent interaction (someone with mainly only 'new' friends is a BIG red flag for that person being a narcissist by the way!!).

Luckily, as someone else mentioned, N's really are their own worst enemy. There's not a lot you have to do other than get away from them because they are going to sabotage any of the new stuff that they falsely create around themselves.

Like I say, right now I'm still really really angry.. but I hope that someday I can forgive and wish the best for this poor N soul who is not really feeling any human companionship and love. Also I hope that I will be safe as I interact with him over the coming month, since he is part of an organization now that I am involved in (and where I originally introduced him, sigh).

Any advice on how to handle N's within an organizational structure is much appreciated!! Like, how much should I tell to whom? I'd love to be honest with my colleagues about what this N is truly like (and warn them frankly!), but I'm concerned they are still wrapped up in the false tale the N has spun and wouldn't believe me.


I'm really glad to find this discussion.

I was with my N for 17 years, and what I have seen is that his disorder has grown much worse over time.

It appeared as depression or uncertainty in the beginning.

I see now that there was manipulation going on the whole time, but it wasn't until ten years into our time that things became so overt.

And I of course tried everything, not understanding what I was dealing with. It seemed perhaps like addiction or early childhood stuff (which it is) , but he never stayed with any therapy.

Now it is over and in this last year I have had to face the devastation of losing all I thought was real with him, as well as all that WAS real: the connections with his family and home, the history of our children growing up many threads.

He has ruptured all of it.

I say YES, an N can be manipulated, and I also agree that they have no trust, are almost paranoid if they feel they are being controlled. But it is also true I think that in their self-absorption they can't see when they are being "worked" in certain situations.

As part of my detachment and attempt to self-heal, I have instigated spending time with him doing things we always did, so that I could look at it all through a different lens.

It is a risky way to deal with it, but it worked for me.

I was almost conducting and experiment so that I could see how he acts and reacts without my emotional attachment to wanting him to be "with" me.

I saw that he was completely willing for me to be the "other woman" in his new relationship. Rather than cheating ON me he would be willing to cheat WITH me.

If I presented things to his advantage and made sure nothing was threatening, if I made myself seem slightly needy and very harmless, he let down his guard and I could get him to do as I wished.

I didn't want anything harmful towards him. I wanted to get my power back , I wanted to be able to spend time with his family in his hometown, to honor the sincerity and honesty of my relationships with all of them and with him, too. He had the real thing from me, but tragically, REAL is the one thing he doesn't grasp.

So my question is:

Anyone have thoughts on how to deal with this? The world we hared is and was precious to me.

Is it possible to maintain my connection? It seems the only way to do it IS through manipulation.

His mother is very old and frail and has no influence on the situation. His brothers are somewhat distant, they know there is something wrong, but don't really engage with him about it. His life is so compartmentalized that no one sees the whole picture but me and a psychiatrist or two.

I'm playing this by ear, and appreciate any feedback.


In one way, this question is fundamentally flawed; the very sickness of a narcissist revolves around their viewing youas merely an extension of themselves or a means to their furtherance of their inordinate self-interest.

Primarily, any desire to further engage with the N is undoubtedly giving acknowledgement to a relationship which has already been tainted by their loathing. However; no matter how desirable it may be to cease all contact with such immediately, obviously in the case of work colleagues, family and loved ones, a different approach may be required.

On the matter of return manipulation, I would say that unless during the course of your negating the N's power they inadvertently assist you (taking the utmost care to not be duped), then the safest bet is to vote with your feet.

A fully blown N (with NPD) is not worth the time taken to attempt to divide out any genuine friendship they may intend towards you, put simply they cannot afford the luxury of friendship when their own self-interest is so all consuming as to be positively dangerous. Such separation will undoubtedly be accompanied by a degree of fear, but a person so emotionally stunted is in fact, very ill and needs help, honest and treatment.

Also; it is possible to mistake someone's actions as narcissistic, when in fact they are not. Discernment, making the decision to defer judgement and a more thorough investigation may be required to ascertain the level of culpability and actual level of disorder.

Ask yourself: How can it be that something so closely related to something as simple as selfishness can be so overlooked, misunderstood and subject to frequent abuse ?

Are we not taught that such is wrong from a small child ? Often ? And do not even evil parents teach their children so ?

Where is the line to be drawn between being a charismatic individual. A person with flair, strong-minded, independent, not afraid to take the lead ?

We are but one of billions of people on the planet. However important we are each in God's eyes, yet there is no reason to suppose that we are fundamentally more important that anybody else.

If a person truly wants to be an individual, let them do so in their pursuit of righteousness. In this particular selfishness, God is sure to bless you.

If that requires you to make money, raise a family, fight or take flight from your enemies, then so be it.

Only when we allow ourselves the freedom to pursue the right can we become something which can truly benefit the human race (whether they accept it or not...).

The mistake narcissists make is that they are making an argument for whether it be in our/their interest to be self-serving.

But the real question is; in what way is being separate/joined to others leading to genuine righteousness, repentance and an approved relationship with The Creator ?


How do you overcome low self-esteem?

Fear is a factor that contribute to low self esteem. One should learn to overcome fear. Also one should practice love as a way of overcoming fear.


Why would a narcissist say they have no or low self esteem?

the general consensus amongst psychologists seems to be that the disorder is compensatory. while the narcissist may truly believe him/herself to be good-looking and intelligent, they clearly do not feel these attributes are enough to make them a truly superior being, hence the need they feel for the aggrandizing lies about themselves and reinforcing their superiority to others in each and every relationship and interaction in their (fantasy) lives, big or small.

my ex N would try to be falsely self depracating, but could never keep the act up for long. she was obviously hoping I would effusively contradict her seemingly modest statements, but it was a tactic i recognised so i rarely indulged her. i guess she just got tired of waiting for me to start gushing over her and her eventual statements in which her formidable ego reared its head once again, seemed to be a result of her internal voice protesting 'BUT I *AM* GORGEOUS/MENSA MATERIAL/A LOVELY PERSON!' a good example of this is when i told her she was pretty, and she said 'I'm not,' and then some thirty seconds later: 'my friends tell me i have a natural beauty.' her eventual conclusion would be either someone someone else (supposedly) said, or a half-hearted admission that she actually was quite something.

she also once claimed that she looked in the mirror and inspected herself as often as she did 'because i hate myself. most people do it 'cause they love themselves, but i do it cause i hate myself.' and i quite believed her: it probaly was due to some sort of insecurity that she felt the need to change her look all the time and reassure herself that she looked good.

AnswerWhen I first read the question I was confused. A pathological NNN admitting to low self esteem was an eye opener. Then I found out it came from the mouth of a 16 year old.

Young people with such a diagnosis who can admit to having a problem can be salvaged. Teenagers are notorious for age appropriate N-ism. Usually diagnosis for N-ism is reserved for adults.

There is hope your daughter will be able to get on top of her personality problems and learn to manage them for her and everyone's benefit.

It is vitally important that all people involved with this girl's upbringing look hard at themselves as to their contribution to her personality. Almost always the carers are the parent(s).

AnswerA narcissist may say they have low self esteem, or, most likely, act like they have low self esteem, to control the feelings of others. The narcissist may be trying to manipulate more people into liking him/her. Answer:Narcissists invalidate those who care about them in order to camouflage their fragile psyches.

Invalidating behavior can be mild, 'I like your hair the way you used to wear it," to malicious, having an affair and rationalizing it as ok, long as his wife doesn't find out--arrogantly bragging, "she never has before!"

Wherever he goes, others are appalled by his pernicious declarations.

Invalidation allows an imaginary wall to be erected between the narcissist's low opinion of himself and those who care deeply about the cancerous torment and pain of which he cannot rid himself. That wall eventually will come crashing down.

The question is will anyone be on the other side to rescue him and save him from himself? a shakesperean tragedy....


What would be the most likely effect of puberty on max self esteem and confidence?

For some, nothing. People who generally have a sunny disposition and have already developed confidence usually will not succumb to the issues that puberty brings. If they are confused by the onset, they may simply ask their parents or a teacher.

On the other hand, younger people who may be self conscious can introvert those feelings and perhaps never seek help concerning puberty.


What is the difference between pride and self-esteem?

The concept of self-esteem must be distinguished from

the concept of pride. The two are related, but there are

significant differences in their meaning. Self-esteem pertains

to a man's conviction of his fundamental efficacy and worth.

Pride pertains to the pleasure a man takes in himself on the

basis of and in response to specific achievements or actions.

Self-esteem is confidence in one's capacity to achieve values.

Pride is the consequence of having achieved some particular

value(s). Self-esteem is "I can." Pride is "I have."


How do you cure a spiteful person?

don't play their games. spiteful people constantly play games and think that you are playing games when your not. Which means that whenever you're happy and upbeat the act very negative and/or mean because they believe that you're happy because you have done something or going to do something to get them back for whatever game they have played unknowingly to you. this is what you do: When they do something spiteful, acknowledge it, let them know that you don't like it and ask them why they did it. they will try to lie about it or bring up something you did that they thought was a "game" that you were playing. When you acknowledge it to them directly it takes away the power from them, and from it hurting you. They will soon realize that you are not playing games or deliberately trying to hurt them or get them back. They will also realize that you will not play the spiteful games with them and you will not put up with it.

Conditions and Diseases
Gastrointestinal Tract

Why do some people feel warmer than others?

Body temperature is an individual thing. The average body temp for people is 98.6 degrees, but that is only the average. Some people's body temp is 97 degrees and would be feverish at 98.6. The human metabolism will increase and decrease in speed depending on many different things. Could be almost anything, different medications will speed up or slow down metabolism which us humans being endothermic usually maintain a constant temperature usually between 96.4-98.8. 97.4-98.6 being an average for a healthy human all year around (I am attempting to give you a broader range with the #-#). Once you start to hit 99.6, you are considered running a fever for any number of reasons, usually illness or in some cases heat stroke (but heat strokes tend to make you quite a bit hotter, we are talking about your body cooking itself). Temperature might be constantly maintained in endothermic animals by means of using ones own chemical process to keep within temperature parameters for life to function, but still varies of course. Fatigue or simply the sleep response will decrease body temperature, ever have a rough day at work and your muscles hurt so you just want to lay down then sleep? That's because it is the body's way of repairing itself, the sleep response is triggered by a number of things which in turn decreases your body temperature to help settle down for rest. That is only one possible reason which happens quite often for anyone at anytime during the day. Another main possibility is body mass and muscle to fat ratio, the more fat you have on you the warmer you will be, seeing it is extra fuel to be burned and also acts as personal insulation. The bigger you are, the more energy it requires to run you, the more raw material converted into energy in which more heat is produced. Also, the more active you are and the more you challenge your body to do some work and burn that fuel you have stocked up the more heat you will naturally produce as a by-product of simple processes like air to carbon dioxide and fat to carbs/calories to energy (vice versa too[only for the "fat to carbs/calories to energy" though]). Could be something as simple as the temperature that you are relatively used to being in. Someone from Florida that is used to 75-100 degrees in the Autumn goes up to Ohio and complains about it being cold, where as the Ohioan says its nice n warm or slightly nippy at 50-70 degrees. It is estimated that 76 degrees (no wind) is the average comfort level for most Humans(assuming you are not wearing clothing). I cant say that Gender plays an extremely significant role in determining who diffuses body heat at a faster rate. If i had to guess i would say the guy would retain heat better than a woman of the same age and height with average build seeing men tend to be a bit more dense and have a larger torso to retain most of their heat where most metabolism takes place. This is a very very broad question to be answered by us telling you alone. There are about a million different variables can that contribute to body temperature and perception(personal tolerance if you will) of warm and cold. The main influences (I hope iIgot some of the major ones) are the ones I mentioned above that adjust the temperature of a endothermic animal on a larger and more frequent scale than others. At all times your body receives information from sensory input and adjusts you to compensate for the variances in the immediate environment(this should be the biggest one). Example being when in a cold environment your body involuntarily shivers as a precaution to keep you active and warm. Keep in mind that there is alot about the human that we do not understand yet, there are a ton of mechanisms from our ancestors that have been built into us from many years of experiencing the same thing over and over. The unknown could be a reason that influences temperature, I do not know, just throwing out of the box answers as a possible cause. It would be best if you would go to a search engine and look this up, its your best bet on finding a complete explanation to such a large and uncertain question. Sorry for the run on sentences, my English is getting a bit rusty. Someone fix anything in this post soon as they see it and dont like it.

Female Puberty

How can a 17 year old girl get bigger breasts when it's only an A cup or less?

There is no natural way to enlarge your breasts.

At 17, they might still grow until your 21.

Breasts tend to change size during a woman's lifetime. It has to do with hormones, stress, pregnancy etc.

But the most important thing is to accept your body as it is. Good self-esteem is 1000x more sexy than big boobies. Do not let society or "friends" judge you on your body. Be a happy and adventurous girl and nobody will mind your cup size. Or even be a trendsetter like Twiggy or Audrey Hepburn, when they got famous, modelagencies around the world started dismissing big breasted models. Small breasts have always been quite popular in Europe.

One friend of mine has small breasts and never wears a bra, she says she hates them and because her boobs are small, she doesn't need them. She makes jokes about her breasts like: "Oh no, that macho guy is no match for me, maybe after plastic surgery" or she calls them "her huge breasts" while everybody knows she is joking. This way she is very relaxed about it, she talks about it and has great self- esteem. And guys like her, oh yes!

Good luck!

Muscular System

When did relaxation therapy begin?

Relaxation therapy has been around for thousands of years in the forms of transcendental meditation (TM), yoga, t'ai chi, qigong , and vipassana

Jobs & Education

How might career satisfaction impact self image?

Career satisfaction has a lot to do with self-image. When I graduated college and struggled for a while trying to find a job, it made me very depressed and made me question my self-worth countless times. I stopped talking to all my friends and avoided speaking with my family because I was so embarrassed to not have a job or a career. I felt talentless and a disappointing. If you are not satisfied with your work or your chosen profession, it can have a profound effect on you. Fortunately I am able to do something I love as my job, and this is very satisfying and purposeful. You feel better about yourself and like you are contributing to the great scheme of things, however little. You feel valuable, which effects how you see yourself greatly.


Does getting your hair done boost your self esteem?

Usually, getting your hair done boosts your self esteem, but not always.

Idioms, Cliches, and Slang

How do you not let something bother you?

Your question is actually part of your answer; You are in control of your thoughts and moods; if you are bothered by someone or some thing, it's because YOU CHOOSE to let it bother you; OTHERWISE, some one or some thing controls your moods and not yourself. If you can change what bothers you, then do so; If you cannot change it, then, realize it's in the same category with things like, the weather; you can't change it, so you adapt and accept it. Hope this helps.

I would like to add that in fact we have self will, this self will must be accompanied by auto distancing from your OWN emotions, to put it plainly, step back, count 1,2,3,4,5,6 then think...why do I feel angry? who makes me angry, his words or MY EMOTIONS? I agree with the statement above, only YOU can control your OWN emotions, and while I am at it , YOU CANNOT EVER CONTROL OTHERS EMOTIONS OR ACTIONS. You can only change yourself. Sounds simple? It is, but why don`t people do this, because it requires you to ananlyze the reasons why, somehting that people don't want to do because it requires admitting somethings, that well, we don't want to. In fact, this is an excercise in emotional intelligence spoken by Daniel Goleman, who is the foremost expert on the subject. In fact, you can put his name along with "emotional intelligence" and you will find lots of info on him.


"Mind over matter" -- If you don't mind than it doesn't matter.

I know that sounds overly simplistic, but if you really think about it, it is that simple.

watch Oprah she'll give you motivation to think about a 'bigger picture' [usually] P

Mental Health
Depression and Bipolar Disorder

How do you help your wife with depression?

My wife has depressionand Ican tell you there are different stages of depression , however, have a physician give her a questionnaire as to her severity of depression buy ifyou have already done this and she is on medication. at this point as far as I'm concerned by speaking with your physician and my wife all i can do is support her. Helping with depression is almost obsolete as far as my helping her. She also has bipolar , personality disorder, which aggravates the depression and my wife is on meds for that also not to mention the ever day hurt that may be associated with depression.. its not just mental its physical also .. read as much on this subject as possible to assist your wife , not her fault she has it , its either hereditary or due to medicine she has taken that caused this. just be there for her, its not a cake walk , but we married for better or worse , stick with it man and read, read , read to better understand the condition. my name is James ... send any thing to subject help w depression. The above post was excellent. I would like to add two things in life that can cause depression in women. Shortly after having a baby and it's called 'postpartum blue' and treatable by her doctor, or if she should be going into peri menopause or menopause. Peri menopause is a change of hormones and can start as young as 35 years old (many cases of this) and she may have skipped periods, feeling lethargic, depressed, moody, angry one minute and happy the next. Menopause means a woman ceases to have her periods and can have hot/cold flashes, moodiness, depression, anger outbursts, can't make up her mind; sad one moment and practically bouncing off the walls with happiness in the next moment. Take your wife for a complete physical and get the doctor to give her a T3/T4 blood test for thyroid. Also have the doctor check her hormone levels (although these tests aren't always accurate) and if she has any missed periods to no periods she should tell the doctor this as well. Women get depressed going through postpartum blues, peri menopause or menopause and this has nothing to do with the regular mental ailments others have. Don't jump to conclusions and let the doctor diagnose. Go with your wife and be supportive. I gave my husband information on my menopause which he read and I was thankful he did and we worked through it together.

Dreams and Dream Interpretation

What does it mean if you can see the future in your dreams and not realize it until the event actually happens?

The question describes the experience called déjà vu. The intense feeling of having lived through a situation previously is so strong that the mind demands an explanation. One often decides it must have been seen in a dream. Yet no such dream actually occurred. Some researchers argue that déjà vu is caused by a momentary error in visual sensory reception, but there is no universal agreement as to the cause.

Other Answers:

It means that you still have the gift of extra sensory. We see these on other animals as well, but for some reason we, humans, seem to forget it.


Be aware however, there is no hard evidence that this is true. This conflicts with many aspects of a lot of religions. There have been cases of unexplained events, but to not think just because it happened once, you can "see" the future.

Perhaps you are referring to déjà vu. The true cause of déjà vu is not well known, but it happens to many healthy people across the globe. Some research suggests that déjà vu may simply be the brain accidentally invoking the sensation of remembering the past. Personally, when I have déjà vu, it seems as though I remember the present as though I had it once in a dream, but at the moment I have this sensation, reality takes a course which no longer coincides with what I predicted.

  • It's called ESP (Extra Sensory Perception.) It's not as uncommon as you may think ... just ask most mothers. We all have it in us if something sticks in our minds enough. Mothers know when their babies are sick even if three to four doctors may call them 'paranoid' or at least an 'over anxious mother.' Mothers in particular can 'feel' when something is wrong no matter how old their children are. Twins can experience this as well as two people that are very close to each other. Most of us have experienced sitting with the same person having the exact same conversation with them, yet we know it hasn't happened in what we call 'reality.' We could think of a person during the day and they either drop in, phone or email you. Some people can pick up the feeling of 'something of dread' about to happen and it does. Scientists are working on it and don't know why some people experience this and others don't. I've often felt one of my family members or a close friend is having a rough time, sick or worse and will phone them. Eight out of 10 times I've been right on.
Mental Health
Conditions and Diseases
Obesity and Metabolism Disorders

What does obesity do to you emotionally?

What you let it do. How does being to thin do to you/ How does being old do to you? How does any thing outside your soul do to you. Think about the power people give to things they have power over. Hard to get power. But, older and thinner and fat or whatever there is a word more powerful than them all. YOUR CHOICE! How you choose to let whatever emotionally. If you have a problem then make a choice to get others to help. But, I have seen very sad poor people, fat people, thin people, I have seen very sad pretty people, just the right shape people. It comes down to one word. Nothing. Obesity has nothing to do with emotions that you don't give it the right to have. It sounds hard but truth is not just to make you feel better for a time or two. Truth makes you better forever. Find the truth in that the flesh should NOT have that much power over the MIND or soul of anyone. Think about it. When you talk on the phone to a stranger, that can not see the obesity or the very thin is that not the true person? How others think now with obesity being as bad as the worst thing is far from the truth. A common wrong doesn't make it right. Nor should I think that a missing arm or leg should change a person. To much on the flesh has always been a problem from the Greeks to now.

Actually obesity can cause depression. The person can become very self conscious about what they do in public, feel bad about them selves and go home, eat food, and not go out much. Some people can't help being fat. It is people like the one who responded and answered above that makes the obese people upset, wanting to eat more. They need some comfort, so they go to food. Simple.


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