If your counselor tells you that you need a safety plan to get out and you're following all the steps how long does it take before you can finally leave?

Answer 1

You have one smart counselor there, but, if he/she didn't give you pamphlets or has the knowledge to tell you to go to an "Abused Women's Center" he/she is not doing their homework. There is no reason your counselor couldn't lead you in the right direction. It's easy to tell someone to have a plan (as they are being abused and therefore frightened and confused) and then not think about it until your next appointment. I volunteer at an Abused Women's Center. Here is what you do: Clean up your computer and delete everything! Leave no email contacts (write them down and take the email addys with you) and that goes for your phone book or any phone #s you have programmed on your cordless phone at home (including any messages on your answering machine) and also your cell! TAKE ALL PHONE #s OFF YOUR CELL because if you abuser gets a hold of your cell they have a lot of info on you. When he isn't around take all important papers with any of your personal info on them and pack them until you leave. Slowly pack all clothing you need and personal effects (you can't go back to get them once you've left.) Pick a very good friend that you can completely trust (try not to involve any males because it enrages the abuser and complicates the situation because your abuser will accuse you of having an affair) and try to have a support system going with this friend (they can also help you get to the Abused Women's Center.) For a week or two pay attention to your abuser and see when he leaves the house and when he comes back. Does he go out with the guys? Does he play a sport and is gone for a couple of hours? What is his work schedule, etc. This will show you the time that is best for you to get in touch with your friend and make a plan to leave your home. DO NOT TAKE YOUR OWN VEHICLE IF YOU OWN ONE! HE CAN TRACK YOU DOWN TOO EASILY. GET YOUR FRIEND TO DRIVE YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO GO OR TAKE A BUS IF YOU HAVE TO. Phone the Abused Women's Center in your area and if you can't find them either phone the operator and ask for the # or phone your local Mental Health and they will put you in the right direction. WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN I GO TO THE ABUSED WOMEN'S CENTER? If you have children with you there is a play area for them with someone to watch over them. The reason for this is to keep the trauma as far behind the children as possible and you're upset and the children don't need to hear about the trauma you have been through. No matter how rotten your partner is that is still your children's father and kids just see "mom and dad." The counselor's are great people and they will take you into their office and ask you questions. Just answer the questions and be as honest as you can. There is no need for embarrassment because these counselors do understand. They know you will probably break-down and cry and let it all hang out and that's why there is a box of Kleenex there. Let all that anger and frustration and misery hang loose! They will then get you settled with a Transition house and it's a "safe place" for you and your children. They will help you with legal counsel and also help you in many cases to find work. You will receive special programs to attend so you can learn patterns of abuse and the tools so you don't go back to your abuser or pick another abusive partner. Gone are the days where you have to stay with an abusive partner because society figures "you've made your bed so lay in it" and there is more protection out there for women and the laws are changing slowly, but surely to protect abused women. More and more people (the ones that are not abused) begin to understand there is indeed there is a "Cycle of Abuse" and you aren't a weak women. Abused women (or men) should be looked up too and revered for their tenacity to survive. Sometimes the abuse is so suttle at first the victim doesn't even know it's happening to them. It starts out with usually mild vocal abuse and then can lead into pushing, shoving for a bit, and a lot of "I'm sorry, it won't happen again" (but it does) and it can get very ugly. Abusers are weak, spineless, have psychological problems and since they are so angry at the world everything they think and do is right and the rest of us are wrong, so seldom does the abuser get psychological counseling. They can't be changed until they get help! I wish you luck hon, and hinge on the fact you are an extremely strong woman and have proved it by seeing a counselor already and you are ready to be independent, have your own life, some peace and in the future find a wonderful man. NOT ALL MEN ARE BAD! Stay strong Wishing you the very best in 2006 Marcy